Family stress....any opinions?

Hey all. Well I am stressed out to the max and ready to scream so I didn't know what else to do but share my burden and hope you guys want to share yours too.

My sister in law is 17 and completely out of control. She screams at her mom and dad with vulgar language and NEVER sees discipline for it. Her parents pay for her car, her shopping EVERYTHING while she sits at home pretending she will make it into university next year with barely passing grades. Its bad enough to watch her flip out at her parents for no reason most of the time, shes pulling it with me now and I am the only one that won't take it.

I try to tell her she cannot speak to me or anyone I know the way she does and try to explain how she will get nowhere in life acting how she is but it goes through one ear and out the other. I can't ignore her if I want to and she seems to think its o.k to invite herself to my home where I make the rules, and continue with her behavior. But I know there is nothing I can do except take a deep breath and TRY not to let her get to me but ughhhh its too hard sometimes.

O.K so thats my huge vent (whew I feel better already). Does anyone have any similar problems or anyone wish to comment on the one I have?

As always - Thanks for listening, you guys end up being more of a moral support group than my reptile assistants it seems ;)

The real world is going to kick that girl's butt.

I know, like room mates in college (I mean university...HA) are going to kick her out so fast its unreal.

Well, if there is any way to make her realize you aren't playing around???

Kick her out of your house?

Enforce your rules.

She'll have to get it one of these days.

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Originally Posted by LadyOhh

Well, if there is any way to make her realize you aren't playing around???

Kick her out of your house?

Enforce your rules.

She'll have to get it one of these days.

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She rarely visits but she wants to come by and see her brother which is something I don't want to say no to, so I don't know what else to do but not stick around when she comes.

If she can't act like a decent human being, don't allow her over. The door shut in her face a time or two might get your point across. For the stress, I recommend meditation. It can work wonders.

Its apparant that is a parenting issue, I doubt you will have any influence no matter what approach you take. If the parents haven't seen a problem and keep on providing her financial assistance there is no point to her making a change. I'm sure if her parents took away all they have been providing for her she would learn to calm her nuggets down a bit before talking.

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Originally Posted by LadyOhh

Kick her out of your house?

Enforce your rules.

She'll have to get it one of these days.

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This.

I guess my next question is...

Have you told your husband how you feel?

Does he agree?

<edit> im being dumb</edit>

She's just a kid, treat her like one, enforce the rules of your house because it is YOUR house.

I have absolutely no experience in that regard I'm sorry to say, my entire family(on both sides) is pretty much the happiest, most well-behaved group of people ever.

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Originally Posted by Spaniard

Its apparant that is a parenting issue, I doubt you will have any influence no matter what approach you take. If the parents haven't seen a problem and keep on providing her financial assistance there is no point to her making a change. I'm sure if her parents took away all they have been providing for her she would learn to calm her nuggets down a bit before talking.

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Thats exactly what my dad did to my brother. He took his car, his new jacket, his allowance (at the time), his jewelery (he had his ears and eyebrow pierced) and anything of value and told him to smarten up. It worked great until my brother moved out a year later.

But yes, I agree and that's why I think Im basically stuck between a rock and a hard place because her parents see it and know that they should do something....but they just don't do anything. She's their last child living at home out of three and I honestly think they have just given up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LadyOhh

I guess my next question is...

Have you told your husband how you feel?

Does he agree?

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He says "just ignore her, she'll grow out of it"....and I entirely disagree. He doesn't try to argue about it because he understands how I feel but he just sees it as his little sister being a pain.

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Originally Posted by missi182

He says "just ignore her, she'll grow out of it"....and I entirely disagree. He doesn't try to argue about it because he understands how I feel but he just sees it as his little sister being a pain.

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Well, I guess the bottom line is, as much as you hate it, she is not your responsibility...

But if she sets foot in your house, she is under your rules. And make sure she knows that.

If she doesn't appreciate it, kick her to the curb.

I feel for you. The only advice i can offer is what I had to do in a similar situation.
Here are my rules or there is the door. I
ts tough but they have to take responsibility for the actions.

Have a great day.

I knew there wasn't much I can do. I think the most bothersome thing is that she tends to behave poorly while we visit her house (my in-laws) but not really at my house. So I've tought about saying you can come visit when your parents say you are behaving but my hubby doesn't think thats a good idea. Oh well, I'll just stick to my guns when shes on my turf and when she acts out toward me.

My thing that helped me in sictuations was
"I use to care,but i have a pill for that now!"
All kidding a side,if she is not willing to come to terms with the reality of life or in lame terms get her crap together,then unfortuanly reality is going to come hard for her.
She sounds to me to be a young know it all who takes alot of things for granted.
And unfortuanly she is going to learn very hard lessons in life.
I feel for you and wish we could all wave a magic wand and "poof" the problem solved,but this is something that you are going to have to do on your own.
The most advice i could give you is called "Tough Love" let her know youll be there for her when she needs you,but also let her know that you mean business and will not put up with her antics in the same sence.
If not,then you have to do what you have to do and let her make her own bad choices are on her own.
The most you can do is give her good advice,the rest is up to her.

It's funny to call someone who can't perform in school a know-it-all.

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Originally Posted by mainbutter

It's funny to call someone who can't perform in school a know-it-all.

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That's called an oxymoron my dear ;) heh