How You Know You Are A Real Herper!

Well we haven't done one of these in awhile and they are always funny (and terribly true). Jump in with your own stuff.

How You Know You Are A Real Herper!

- someone asks what that is in your hair, you mumble "probably a urate" and then wonder why no one thinks that's funny

- the last 5 times you discussed sex with your husband it was in reference to your breeding size snakes

- you stop eating tootsie rolls because they remind you too much of snake poop

- you feel an ungodly urge to chase down that lady with the snakeskin purse and show her pictures of your new hatchlings

- you have more pictures of your herps than your kids (or every picture of a kid includes them holding something with scales)

- you can actually work the word "cloaca" into polite conversation

- you call a herping friend while at work then wonder why your co-workers are gossiping about you (maybe it's because they keep hearing you say you like her rack and has she seen Tim's new balls)

- when you get bit, instead of running for a band-aid, you run for the camera so the people at BPNet won't bug you for bite pics

- against all natural instinct you hope you do get bit just so you can post some bite pics

- you take down your Brittany Spears poster and put up one of Kara from N.E.R.D.

- you wear your 8BallPython t-shirt to WalMart just to see the reaction of the elderly greeter lady when she reads "Isn't it about time you got some balls" emblazoned across your back

- who cares how many bathrooms the new house has! does it have a decent space for a bigger snake room!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- who cares how many bathrooms the new house has! does it have a decent space for a bigger snake room!

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:gj:
First thing I looked at when my fiancee and I were looking for a place to rent.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- you have more pictures of your herps than your kids (or every picture of a kid includes them holding something with scales)

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I don't have kids, but I have pictures of my niece and nephew with the herps I either gave them or helped them pick out. Of course, I have pictures of all of my balls too. -Smiles.-

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Little B-Py

:gj:
First thing I looked at when my fiancee and I were looking for a place to rent.

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Looking for an apartment right now and that's the only real requirement. 2 bedrooms! lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- you take down your Brittany Spears poster and put up one of Kara from N.E.R.D.

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Yep in her silver stripper shoes :D.. Love ya girl.

Quote:

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- you wear your 8BallPython t-shirt to WalMart just to see the reaction of the elderly greeter lady when she reads "Isn't it about time you got some balls" emblazoned across your back

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Wal-mart no...church

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

Wal-mart no...church

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Bet they don't make you a deacon! :rofl:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

Bet they don't make you a deacon! :rofl:

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Naaa when your dads the preacher it makes it more fun :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- you take down your Brittany Spears poster and put up one of Kara from N.E.R.D.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

Yep in her silver stripper shoes :D.. Love ya girl. church

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These statements are totally useless without PICTURES.:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slim

These statements are totally useless without PICTURES.:D

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LOL I'll get killed for this.. But..

Kara in her silver "Stripper shoes"
http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/h.../Karashoes.jpg

:rockon::partyon: Now that makes a lot more sense!!! Love the shoes, BTW!

how about this one:

when you jump off a moving 4 wheeler to take a pic of a box turtle in the trail

when you rearrange furniture in attempt to make room for more racks

When your closet is filled to the brim with reptile supplies and your clothes are stuffed in a box somewhere...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- someone asks what that is in your hair, you mumble "probably a urate" and then wonder why no one thinks that's funny

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hahaha :rofl::rofl:

I'm loving it! Come on folks, add some more of your own real herper lines LOL.

not very funny, but,

-when you're on IM with your friends and they ask you what the **** is wrong with you when you tell them you have to thaw some rodents

When you go to a zoo.. and you continually walk down the aisles of snakes as if you were in a store.
I want that one, and that one, and ooh that one too.

When you tell your mother she has new grandkids and then she says i don't wanna know. Or is that just me
when your on your break at work asking how many ASF, rats, or mice do they want. Then looking around to notice everyone looking at you. Shadi11 says it happens 2 often to her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blackcrystal22

When you go to a zoo.. and you continually walk down the aisles of snakes as if you were in a store.
I want that one, and that one, and ooh that one too.

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Or when you notice you have more snakes then the zoo.

When two guys who have never met each other, talk on the phone for an hour about matching up their Balls, and it's not weird, eh, Mike :gj:

When, as a woman, you ask a man if you can touch his balls, and he doesn't think you're loose with your morals. ^_^

-When you look into your snake room for hours trying to figure out the best way to add another 300 snakes only to do it again the next day.
Happens to us all to often.
-You sit on the phone with another person talking about balls and the various sizes and colors you've seen and dont even think of it in any way sexual

When you're in 8Ball Chat, talking about having kids, and marking their height by the height of the tubs on your rack system.

:rofl: You guys are good!!

I love the stripper shoes! :rofl:

You might be a Herper if...
•The local power plant knows the exact moment your timers go off!
•You answer the door holding a big fat snake & wonder why the Jehovah's Witnesses won't talk with you.
•Your house was raided by the police after a tipoff from the electric company suspecting you of growing pot.
•You and a friend are overheard talking about your babies & someone asks about them, you reply "yeah, my 'baby' is 15' long & weighs around 125 pounds!!!"
•You have a special drawer to keep perfect sheds in.
•Your freezer is full but the kids whine that there's nothing to eat!
•You're the customer at the pet store but answer all the herp questions.
•You do a double take at the latest prime specimen in your local herp store haunt & as your significant other begins to glare you say "This is it!! The last one I promise!! I promise!"...and you are believed for the very last time!
•Your mom knows about you & your excursions out into the woods and into the local pet store, and now frisks you down as soon as you enter the house!
•You quit smoking not to better your health, but out of concern for the effect of second hand smoke on your herps.
•Your arms say you're an I.V. drug user...your python says you're dinner!
•You bypass your girlfriend's Victoria's Secret catalog to get to your latest Reptiles Magazine.
•The employees at the local pet store give you dirty looks every time they see you heading for the small animal section.
•You've learned that defrosting rodents in the microwave DOES NOT WORK!! (Splat! Really gross!!)
•You have way more pillowcases than you have pillows.
•You tell the salesperson at the pet store you won't be needing the seven-day health guarantee on the mouse you just bought.
•You tell yourself you don't look stupid while people are watching you flip rotted boards hunting for snakes on the side of the road.
•You pretend that there really is a good reason to flip boards by the side of the road while people stare like you're crazy!
•You spend countless hours inventing stupid things like this.
•You drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper & feel guilty and sneaky when people look out their windows & come out yelling at you for stealing!
•Your girlfriend gets mad because you spend way too much time in the Rubbermaid container section dreaming of ways to use them, yet give her a 2-minute limit when she's buying clothes!
•You do your best to give the guy wearing snakeskin boots your dirtiest look & start to wonder if you could get off on just manslaughter.
•You buy car loads of bark mulch but could care less about landscaping.
•You want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to kill mites.
•Your neighbors watch your house closely during hatching season when they see people entering empty handed & leaving with small boxes, and then report you to the police as a drug dealer!!!
•People ask you to pack the truck when they move because YOU have the uncanny ability to fit more fish tanks and sweater boxes into the smallest space available.
•There is always enough room on your credit card to buy another herp, but you ignore your bills.
•You are foolish enough to do this as a business & actually thought you might make a living at it.
•People spend big bucks to get rid of rats & mice and you spend bigger bucks breeding them.
•You stop in a pet store just to look at the reptiles and end up buying a fake plant for a buck so you don't look stupid.
•You spent your last dollar on a reptile book and don't get paid for another week!!
•You buy 100-watt bulbs by the case.
•Upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy Crawford naked, with a boa around her, the first reaction of my herper friends was "Nice looking snake, distinct markings...must be Boa constrictor...looks like a Surinam."
•Your friends need to pull at least three guinea pigs out of the fridge when trying to find the salami.
•You judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
•You've said "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and don't own a single fish.
•You evaluate potential apartments/townhomes by the location of the electrical sockets, & how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your tanks.
•You have a well-stocked medicine cabinet and none of it is for you.
•The Delta Cargo people recognize you on sight.
•Your neighbors think you're a prostitute or a photographer because they can see a red light in one of your windows every night.
•Hetero doesn't mean heterosexual to you.
•You separate your mail into 3 piles: "bills," "junk mail," and "this month's price lists."
•You're standing in the pet store checkout line with your purchase in hand & the person behind you says "Oh, they're so cute! Do they make good pets?" and you reply, "These? Hmmm. Actually, I have no idea...I never thought about that..."
•You get out of your car and start directing traffic around a rattlesnake so the wriggly thing can get away.
•Your girlfriend tells you to choose between her & the snakes, and not only do you tell her you'll miss her, but calculate how many shoebox racks will fit in her half of the closet.
•Someone tells you they have three balls and not only do you not think it's weird, you ask if you can see them!
•You "accidentally" taped an episode of Jeff Corwin/Steve Irwin/Mark O'Shea over your wedding video.
•There's someone in your life who understands why you think baby snake faces are CUTE, and doesn't think you're weird for it.
•You've ever drawn out a punnett square for someone explaining hets, double-hets & co-dominant genes!
•Your girlfriend/wife yells at you for stealing the dish scrubber out of the kitchen every time you clean cages.
•You spend hours designing elaborate feed cards & records for all of your animals, but can't seem to finish the spreadsheet/database your boss asked for a week ago.
•Your wife banishes you to the couch after developing the family vacation photos & finding nothing but herp shots!
•All you want for Christmas is RUBBERMAIDS!
•Employees at the pet shop ask you to help a customer while they're busy
•Your spouse shakes you down when you come home for hidden pillow cases
•At your child's "pet day", they're the only ones returning home with their pet
•You only do yard work in hopes of catching a herp
•You use more electricity at night than during the day
•Your Great Dane is afraid of going in the basement
•The bottoms of all your doors have plastic guards
•You patch up holes in the walls with Reptiles Magazine posters
•You leave your glasses in the herp room at night and wait till the next to get them as not to disturb the light cycles of your Pythons.
•Your house needs to be painted but when you come back from the hardware store, you have 50 pounds of mulch, a case of 100-watt bulbs, and some concrete mixing tubs for water dishes & hide boxes
•You skip meals to have extra money for the upcoming reptile show
•Your reptile collection is worth more than your car

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pandora

You might be a Herper if...
•The local power plant knows the exact moment your timers go off!
•You answer the door holding a big fat snake & wonder why the Jehovah's Witnesses won't talk with you.
•Your house was raided by the police after a tipoff from the electric company suspecting you of growing pot.
•You and a friend are overheard talking about your babies & someone asks about them, you reply "yeah, my 'baby' is 15' long & weighs around 125 pounds!!!"
•You have a special drawer to keep perfect sheds in.
•Your freezer is full but the kids whine that there's nothing to eat!
•You're the customer at the pet store but answer all the herp questions.
•You do a double take at the latest prime specimen in your local herp store haunt & as your significant other begins to glare you say "This is it!! The last one I promise!! I promise!"...and you are believed for the very last time!
•Your mom knows about you & your excursions out into the woods and into the local pet store, and now frisks you down as soon as you enter the house!
•You quit smoking not to better your health, but out of concern for the effect of second hand smoke on your herps.
•Your arms say you're an I.V. drug user...your python says you're dinner!
•You bypass your girlfriend's Victoria's Secret catalog to get to your latest Reptiles Magazine.
•The employees at the local pet store give you dirty looks every time they see you heading for the small animal section.
•You've learned that defrosting rodents in the microwave DOES NOT WORK!! (Splat! Really gross!!)
•You have way more pillowcases than you have pillows.
•You tell the salesperson at the pet store you won't be needing the seven-day health guarantee on the mouse you just bought.
•You tell yourself you don't look stupid while people are watching you flip rotted boards hunting for snakes on the side of the road.
•You pretend that there really is a good reason to flip boards by the side of the road while people stare like you're crazy!
•You spend countless hours inventing stupid things like this.
•You drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper & feel guilty and sneaky when people look out their windows & come out yelling at you for stealing!
•Your girlfriend gets mad because you spend way too much time in the Rubbermaid container section dreaming of ways to use them, yet give her a 2-minute limit when she's buying clothes!
•You do your best to give the guy wearing snakeskin boots your dirtiest look & start to wonder if you could get off on just manslaughter.
•You buy car loads of bark mulch but could care less about landscaping.
•You want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to kill mites.
•Your neighbors watch your house closely during hatching season when they see people entering empty handed & leaving with small boxes, and then report you to the police as a drug dealer!!!
•People ask you to pack the truck when they move because YOU have the uncanny ability to fit more fish tanks and sweater boxes into the smallest space available.
•There is always enough room on your credit card to buy another herp, but you ignore your bills.
•You are foolish enough to do this as a business & actually thought you might make a living at it.
•People spend big bucks to get rid of rats & mice and you spend bigger bucks breeding them.
•You stop in a pet store just to look at the reptiles and end up buying a fake plant for a buck so you don't look stupid.
•You spent your last dollar on a reptile book and don't get paid for another week!!
•You buy 100-watt bulbs by the case.
•Upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy Crawford naked, with a boa around her, the first reaction of my herper friends was "Nice looking snake, distinct markings...must be Boa constrictor...looks like a Surinam."
•Your friends need to pull at least three guinea pigs out of the fridge when trying to find the salami.
•You judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
•You've said "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and don't own a single fish.
•You evaluate potential apartments/townhomes by the location of the electrical sockets, & how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your tanks.
•You have a well-stocked medicine cabinet and none of it is for you.
•The Delta Cargo people recognize you on sight.
•Your neighbors think you're a prostitute or a photographer because they can see a red light in one of your windows every night.
•Hetero doesn't mean heterosexual to you.
•You separate your mail into 3 piles: "bills," "junk mail," and "this month's price lists."
•You're standing in the pet store checkout line with your purchase in hand & the person behind you says "Oh, they're so cute! Do they make good pets?" and you reply, "These? Hmmm. Actually, I have no idea...I never thought about that..."
•You get out of your car and start directing traffic around a rattlesnake so the wriggly thing can get away.
•Your girlfriend tells you to choose between her & the snakes, and not only do you tell her you'll miss her, but calculate how many shoebox racks will fit in her half of the closet.
•Someone tells you they have three balls and not only do you not think it's weird, you ask if you can see them!
•You "accidentally" taped an episode of Jeff Corwin/Steve Irwin/Mark O'Shea over your wedding video.
•There's someone in your life who understands why you think baby snake faces are CUTE, and doesn't think you're weird for it.
•You've ever drawn out a punnett square for someone explaining hets, double-hets & co-dominant genes!
•Your girlfriend/wife yells at you for stealing the dish scrubber out of the kitchen every time you clean cages.
•You spend hours designing elaborate feed cards & records for all of your animals, but can't seem to finish the spreadsheet/database your boss asked for a week ago.
•Your wife banishes you to the couch after developing the family vacation photos & finding nothing but herp shots!
•All you want for Christmas is RUBBERMAIDS!
•Employees at the pet shop ask you to help a customer while they're busy
•Your spouse shakes you down when you come home for hidden pillow cases
•At your child's "pet day", they're the only ones returning home with their pet
•You only do yard work in hopes of catching a herp
•You use more electricity at night than during the day
•Your Great Dane is afraid of going in the basement
•The bottoms of all your doors have plastic guards
•You patch up holes in the walls with Reptiles Magazine posters
•You leave your glasses in the herp room at night and wait till the next to get them as not to disturb the light cycles of your Pythons.
•Your house needs to be painted but when you come back from the hardware store, you have 50 pounds of mulch, a case of 100-watt bulbs, and some concrete mixing tubs for water dishes & hide boxes
•You skip meals to have extra money for the upcoming reptile show
•Your reptile collection is worth more than your car

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NERD, right?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

- the last 5 times you discussed sex with your husband it was in reference to your breeding size snakes

- you have more pictures of your herps than your kids (or every picture of a kid includes them holding something with scales)

- who cares how many bathrooms the new house has! does it have a decent space for a bigger snake room!

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I was just talking sex with my hubby, and it had nothing to do with us:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nixer

how about this one:

when you jump off a moving 4 wheeler to take a pic of a box turtle in the trail

when you rearrange furniture in attempt to make room for more racks

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I just rearranged the living room to do just that:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melicious

When your closet is filled to the brim with reptile supplies and your clothes are stuffed in a box somewhere...

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All the snakes are nice and neat on a shelf (until I build the rack) but all my clothes are in boxes

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melicious

When, as a woman, you ask a man if you can touch his balls, and he doesn't think you're loose with your morals. ^_^

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I just love this one:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


How about, when you have to stop 4 lanes of traffic to allow a way ward (insert herp here) to cross.
You ask people if they want to see your snake, and your a girl (or a guy that truely does not intend anything sick:O)

I love this one on the NERD site, and rite now is so me...
You tell the landlord you can pay rent when the eggs hatch:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DutchHerp

NERD, right?

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precisely

1. You buy dozens of sweater boxes and you live in southern California.

2. You become great friends with people that you have nothing else in common with.

3. You would rather go to a reptile party then your relatives wedding. If you do go to the wedding all you think of is the reptile party.

4. You clean rat cages the night before trash day.

5. You stop playing Guitar Hero in the middle of a song just to pet a snake while the rest of your band yells at you.

6. You move in with your in-laws just because they have more tolerance and room for your snakes then your own parents.

7. When you buy freezer bags you picture how many feeders you can fit in it.

8. You don't have the reflex of pulling away when a snake bites.

9. When you have CO2 and you don't have a paintball gun.

10. And lastly.. when you talk about Herps and your not talking about STDs..!!!

um umm. yeah I think that's it.:rofl:

Do please remember that if you are using information directly from someone else's site it is only polite to give them the credit for the work. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hyper Joe

10. And lastly.. when you talk about Herps and your not talking about STDs..!!!

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That pretty much sums up what my little "about me" box says on my facebook, it exactly says "I love my herps, not to be confused with herp"es"."

Am I the only one that gets odd looks when I buy the dollar store out of dog bowls and whine cause they only had 30 in stock

From Melissa Kaplan's Herp Care Collection, Part I

...your pet's dinner requuires care and feediing until it is served.

...you go hysterical when pet stores mix incompatible species in cages.

...you put little white crosses on the side of the road when you find DOR herps.

...your home loan and appraisal papers include pictures of your 12 lb. iguana who lives on your fireplace...

...you consider yourself a great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather at the age of 28.

...you own lots of plastic storage boxes, but can't use them because they all have holes cut in them for hide boxes!

...your annual house cleaning is done when an animal escapes!

...you mention to your husband that it will soon be time to babyproof your home because your baby will be "big enough to free-roam soon."

...when neighborhood kids refer to your house as a zoo (my friends do this)

...when your kids get kicked out of school for something they brought to show and tell

...when the last thing your daughters boyfriend has to worry about is a gun

...The Discovery Channel wants to send a film crew to your house.

...you comment that the little rodent feet sticking out upside down in your snake's mouth are cute!

Just go to this site, it has pages and it's only part I!

This cracks me up! I couldn't be considered a "real herper" (yet), but I do understand that most of my friends, family and co-workers think I'm quite odd for having four snakes and refer to them as my little babies! :)

I always call mine the new additions to the family.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

Am I the only one that gets odd looks when I buy the dollar store out of dog bowls and whine cause they only had 30 in stock

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No your not the only one.. My husband says every time.. " you dont wanna know what these are for" Then they try to over charge you like you dont know how many you got and not realizing you counted like eight times going.. I really needed a few more but I'll take what I can get..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

LOL I'll get killed for this.. But..

Kara in her silver "Stripper shoes"
http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/h.../Karashoes.jpg

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:evileye: :cool:

Yeah Ed...you & me...we're gonna talk about this. :weirdface

Need I remind you? (pic courtesy of the fantabulous Robin aka Rabernet)
http://bloodpythons.com/forumpics/KaraCarrieandEd.jpg

K~

Oh...and 2 of my all-time faves:

You might be a herper if...

Your other half tells you to choose between him & the snakes, and you're AMAZED at how many more racks you can fit into your place now that all of his crap is out of there...

*and*

You've ever popped a snake & someone remarks, "Whoa, check out the hemipenes on him!"

This is great stuff...glad i'm not the only one! LOL
Kara, nice shoes:)
Ed, it was nice knowing you.

"The Discovery Channel wants to send a film crew to your house."

Better yet, National Geographic w/ Dr.Brady Barr :gj:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KLG

Oh...and 2 of my all-time faves:

You might be a herper if...

Your other half tells you to choose between him & the snakes, and you're AMAZED at how many more racks you can fit into your place now that all of his crap is out of there...

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BWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *eyes her husband, Mike, and starts calculating square footage* :rolleyes:

you want to teach the cat to love snakes so when the escapee comes out, she won't hurt it.

well that accurately describes me.. but there's one more..

Addendem:

When you see a dresser or set of cabinets or a melamene bookshlef and the first thing you think is "How many tubs can I fit in that or how can I convert that into rack or cage?"