Overreacting friend

Hi.
I have a BP over 6months now. My friend doesn't want to come visit me at my house anymore because of my snake, even dough it is in it's enclosure and I would not scare her by taking the snake out, told her I would even cover up the terrarium so she doesn't see the cave he is in!
It's not a phobia, I think she is just overreacting, like some people who make a big fuss when they see a pit bull in the street...
Anyways, she is making me a bit angry cause she is 40 and acting like a child.
Did you guys have any situations like this?
How do you react?
Im not asking her to come iver anymore and I barely see her. Ive known her for a decade and she knew I love reptiles and eventually gonna get some.. https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...3f5491dd10.jpg

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If you want to maintain the friendship then agree to disagree about your pet, and see her elsewhere.

you can't expect to reason with someone who acts that way as a grown adult.

you could try talking to her by explaining how her actions are making you feel; explain that the idea of a friend refusing to come into your home makes you feel X type of way and go from there without mentioning the snake at all. this might help her examine her own actions and do a bit of reflection.

i wish i could help better, i know the feel. :(

Doesn't sound like a very good friend if she's ready to give up the friendship over your own personal pet choice that affects her in absolutely no way. It would be different if you let a 20' retic roam your house freely and she chose not to come over because that could directly affect her but a little bp in a closed enclosure that will even be out of sight, affects her in no way. She's just trying to be controlling. I say let her go, not a very good friend anyway.

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Doesn't sound like a very good friend if she's ready to give up the friendship over your own personal pet choice that affects her in absolutely no way. It would be different if you let a 20' retic roam your house freely and she chose not to come over because that could directly affect her but a little bp in a closed enclosure that will even be out of sight, affects her in no way. She's just trying to be controlling. I say let her go, not a very good friend anyway.

Just go to her house to visit

I agree with what bcr said. If the friendship is important enough to the both of you, there is surely a way to make it work.

Thanks for answers guys.
We just meet outside but much more rare than before.

Sometimes I feel that to some people cause of my love towards snakes I am considered a bad and a strange person, cause 'snakes are evil' or smthing like that.
Wish more people would be curious anough to atleast educate themselves before judging ect..


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Originally Posted by Pitonica

Thanks for answers guys.
We just meet outside but much more rare than before.

Sometimes I feel that to some people cause of my love towards snakes I am considered a bad and a strange person, cause 'snakes are evil' or smthing like that.
Wish more people would be curious anough to atleast educate themselves before judging ect..


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All my friends think I'm crazy for having a SNAKE. But they still come and see me. If they don't want to I would understand as not everybody loves snakes. In fact most people are scared of them. You have to understand that she may be very uncomfortable being around snakes. If it's a true friend you will make it work.

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Originally Posted by Newbie39

All my friends think I'm crazy for having a SNAKE. But they still come and see me. If they don't want to I would understand as not everybody loves snakes. In fact most people are scared of them. You have to understand that she may be very uncomfortable being around snakes. If it's a true friend you will make it work.

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Ya, my friends too..and they still come over haha..except this one.
I've met a mother of my boyfriend the other day and she told me at lunch that she dreamed of snakes cause I have one, poor woman had a nightmare.. What to say..
I dream of snakes also, but nice morfs and so, nice dreams [emoji85] [emoji3]
I guess spider loving people go through much worse than snake people [emoji39]

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Originally Posted by Pitonica

Ya, my friends too..and they still come over haha..except this one.
I've met a mother of my boyfriend the other day and she told me at lunch that she dreamed of snakes cause I have one, poor woman had a nightmare.. What to say..
I dream of snakes also, but nice morfs and so, nice dreams [emoji85] [emoji3]
I guess spider loving people go through much worse than snake people [emoji39]

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Yup Spiders are way worse. My son was checking out baby furry things at the last expo. I got out of there quick and said not in my house lol.

petted a tarantula with one finger once, but am not able to hold it, I could hear my heart beat in my head from fear.. Spiders are amazing.. guess if you learn about it and keep checking it out, it stops being so freaky in some time.
Brave son you have there!

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Honestly I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. To not even go inside your house just because you have a small, caged, harmless pet is ridiculously immature - especially being how old she is.

The true test of friendship is accepting the things that annoy you in your friends without expecting the same.

10 years is a long time to know someone so if they are a good friend they will come around and if not then you just have to accept it and well move on past them. You should talk to her and express how much this bothers you and let her be the one to make the decision on your friendship from there.

I was just wondering can fear be so big..or im missing something?..
Am I a bad friend for not understanding her..

I gave myself an example - im really afraid of all bugs, but I got over most of that fear because I love n like to take care of lizards, feed and pamper them. So I handle hundreds of crickets daily, breed them, clean them.. roaches also..was terrified but I managed cause I care.
Can't she get over one little snake with not even having to hold it or look at it cause she cares?. .
I know I just have to let it go and... Go to her place or out.. But It just bugs me u know


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No, she is being the bad friend. What kind of friendship is that if she can't overlook one caged snake? She won't even come inside your house!! Life's too short to deal with people like that IMO. Seriously she needs to grow up. I totally get people who don't like or are afraid of snakes but come on- to not even step a foot in your house?!

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Originally Posted by Pitonica

I was just wondering can fear be so big..or im missing something?..
Am I a bad friend for not understanding her..

I gave myself an example - im really afraid of all bugs, but I got over most of that fear because I love n like to take care of lizards, feed and pamper them. So I handle hundreds of crickets daily, breed them, clean them.. roaches also..was terrified but I managed cause I care.
Can't she get over one little snake with not even having to hold it or look at it cause she cares?. .
I know I just have to let it go and... Go to her place or out.. But It just bugs me u know


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fear can absolutely be that big. i used to send snapchats of my snakes to people until one of my friends told me to stop in a less-than-polite way. an unexpected picture of a snake caused him to get mad at me! idk if it was a phobia or ignorance, but one can be helped while the other cannot.

when i'm scared of something, i try and learn all that i can so i can better understand myself and the source to either prove my fears correct or just learn something new.

there's a difference between a phobia and a fear derived from willful ignorance. she's purposefully choosing ignorance over hanging out with you at your place.

honestly there's the possibility she doesn't even understand how much her behavior affects you. people get so wrapped up in their own minds and beliefs they have a hard time understanding how others can feel differently, or how their attitudes about those things affect others.

she sounds willfully ignorant.

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Originally Posted by Kira

No, she is being the bad friend. What kind of friendship is that if she can't overlook one caged snake? She won't even come inside your house!! Life's too short to deal with people like that IMO. Seriously she needs to grow up. I totally get people who don't like or are afraid of snakes but come on- to not even step a foot in your house?!

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i sent a snapchat of Yellow once that basically ended a dying friendship. he was "scared" i tried to explain why they're not, and it ended! :cool:
like, Yellow is my son! YOU LOVE HIM OR YOU'RE OUT!!! tho tbh it was an easy choice for me LOL.

My friends are either fascinated by or frightened of my snakes. None of them have refused to come by my place but I would respect their boundaries if they chose to do so. We can always hang out somewhere else. :)

Honestly a good friend is someone who will try to care or atleast understand your interests even if it doesn't reflect their own. If she's being willingly ignorant and controlling about the situation then I think it may be time to close the door.

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Originally Posted by Pitonica

I was just wondering can fear be so big..

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yes it can and it varies by person. My ex and I had to stay with his grandma for a short time, she is terrified of snakes and did not want them anywhere near her house but I had no choice. I explained how they were locked up to try to calm her. I carried the tubs in covered with towels and she had a complete utter shock and fear on her face and was frozen, could not move, even though she could not see them. I kept them in a spare room which I installed a lock on as well to try to relax her but she was uneasy the entire time they were in the house and had trouble sleeping. I thought she had exaggerated her fear and it wouldn't be a big deal but oh boy... It was horrible and I felt terrible about it, luckily it was only for one month.

My friend has a fear of spiders. She works to try to overcome it by forcing herself to look at photos of them, even seeing pictures she tenses up and gets uncomfortable. When she's go to reptile shows and shops with me, I'd have to point out there area where the spiders were kept so she could avoid it.

It's a very real and sometimes crippling fear for some people that can be incredibly difficult to overcome.

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Originally Posted by AbsoluteApril

yes it can and it varies by person. My ex and I had to stay with his grandma for a short time, she is terrified of snakes and did not want them anywhere near her house but I had no choice. I explained how they were locked up to try to calm her. I carried the tubs in covered with towels and she had a complete utter shock and fear on her face and was frozen, could not move, even though she could not see them. I kept them in a spare room which I installed a lock on as well to try to relax her but she was uneasy the entire time they were in the house and had trouble sleeping. I thought she had exaggerated her fear and it wouldn't be a big deal but oh boy... It was horrible and I felt terrible about it, luckily it was only for one month.

My friend has a fear of spiders. She works to try to overcome it by forcing herself to look at photos of them, even seeing pictures she tenses up and gets uncomfortable. When she's go to reptile shows and shops with me, I'd have to point out there area where the spiders were kept so she could avoid it.

It's a very real and sometimes crippling fear for some people that can be incredibly difficult to overcome.

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Poor grandma.. Thanks for sharing the story! It must of been such a burden having to be responsible of scaring the woman for a whole month.. Of course there are exceptions, no doubt and I totaly reapect that.
Spiders are my worse fear too and I like watching them anywhere but my home!
The thing is - My friend never pointed out her fear of snakes to me through the years I know her as much as I did with spiders and roaches so I thought she is just overreacting.. And she can be stubborn as hell, but despite all, she is a good friend and I will compromise with her on this.



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Originally Posted by MissterDog

Honestly a good friend is someone who will try to care or atleast understand your interests even if it doesn't reflect their own. If she's being willingly ignorant and controlling about the situation then I think it may be time to close the door.

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On the same note you need to understand their fear. Can't just go one way. You like snakes so you're only seeing it from your end. We all have fears. She is entitled to her opinion. As you are entitled to own a snake.

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Originally Posted by Newbie39

On the same note you need to understand their fear. Can't just go one way. You like snakes so you're only seeing it from your end. We all have fears. She is entitled to her opinion. As you are entitled to own a snake.

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If it is fear, then yes, but op mentioned her friend didn't express a fear of snakes.

I agree it goes both ways, which is why I feel op's friend also needs to be willing to compromise which it sounds she is not. If she really cared about her friend, despite her fears if they are legitimate, then she would try to work around them. I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room. It's not a fear most understand or bother to understand, it doesn't stop them from showing pictures of babies to me, trying to get me to hold their babies, inviting me to their house, invading my personal space. It's not a globally accepted fear like snakes. People are so quick to say we need to understand other's fears but it's generally limited to what fears are considered 'normal'

However, I have friends and family members who are popping babies everywhere. I can't always escape it, and some of these relationships I really want to keep, so I have to ask myself, just how important are these friends to me, and is it worth me making an effort to meet halfway? Imagine how I must appear to others if I were to say " you have a baby so I'm not setting one foot in your house. You have a baby don't bring it to lunches. You have a baby don't talk about it with me. Keep that thing away from me"

This baby I consider a horrific thing is the world to them. As a friend it's up to me to try and at least appreciate their point of view and TRY. My fear will never go away, but it can improve and has been, but the only reason it is is because I was willing to give it a go because I chose to care about what was important to my friends.

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Originally Posted by MissterDog

If it is fear, then yes, but op mentioned her friend didn't express a fear of snakes.

I agree it goes both ways, which is why I feel op's friend also needs to be willing to compromise which it sounds she is not. If she really cared about her friend, despite her fears if they are legitimate, then she would try to work around them. I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room. It's not a fear most understand or bother to understand, it doesn't stop them from showing pictures of babies to me, trying to get me to hold their babies, inviting me to their house, invading my personal space. It's not a globally accepted fear like snakes. People are so quick to say we need to understand other's fears but it's generally limited to what fears are considered 'normal'


However, I have friends and family members who are popping babies everywhere. I can't always escape it, and some of these relationships I really want to keep, so I have to ask myself, just how important are these friends to me, and is it worth me making an effort to meet halfway? Imagine how I must appear to others if I were to say " you have a baby so I'm not setting one foot in your house. You have a baby don't bring it to lunches. You have a baby don't talk about it with me."

This baby I consider a horrific thing is the world to them. As a friend it's up to me to try and at least appreciate their point of view and TRY.

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Agreed. If one my friends had a spider I would still go to their house. Probably even hold it.

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Originally Posted by Newbie39

Agreed. If one my friends had a spider I would still go to their house. Probably even hold it.

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Same. I really think it boils down to; is there a willingness to make an effort and active choice to care what your friend considers important. Providing boundaries are respected of course!

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Originally Posted by MissterDog

I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room.

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totally off topic but i'm so happy to hear someone speak about their fear of babies...babies literally scare me and idk why. i never even touched my baby cousins until they could walk. IDK WHERE THIS COMES FROM.

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Originally Posted by tttaylorrr

totally off topic but i'm so happy to hear someone speak about their fear of babies...babies literally scare me and idk why. i never even touched my baby cousins until they could walk. IDK WHERE THIS COMES FROM.

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OMG I'M NOT ALONE THANK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS BROKEN

It's hard for me to understand why either, but something about seeing them and especially hearing them sets off internal survival alarms like something or someone is going to break and OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE

I guess I can't really relate to any of this because I am literally afraid of no animals (or babies lol), except for a healthy amount of caution around venomous animals and giant (15ft+) pythons, I am a relatively small person so venom and/or giant animals could overpower me easily haha.

I definitely used to be afraid of spiders, but what fixed it for me was the fact that these (and a lot of other) animals really really aren't thinking about hurting you, in fact, they are most definitely more afraid of you than you are of them. This is what causes any animal to bite, unless of course you are being hunted down by a mountain lion or the like :).

I wish more people could understand that animals have no desire to hurt them, heck, I don't even think animal are self-aware, so how could they "feel like" hurting you?

Funny story, today I was in class and suddenly a spider began to lower itself in front of my face. I simply broke the string it was attached to and put it on the floor without telling my classmates lol :D

If she is that adamant about not coming, even though you are close friends..that IS A PHOBIA. Ophidiophobia is a relatively common phobia, and although phobias can be "cured" with therapy, I would just accept your friend has a serious phobia and move on.

A few of my family members can't stand snakes. One upside is that I am no longer expected to host holiday family gatherings.

I have a friend that won't come inside my house ever since I got Freddy. He is truly afraid, and I respect that. He's not acting weird towards me because I got a snake. When he comes over we hang out in the porch or in the garage and drink a few beers. Friendship intact!! :gj:

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Originally Posted by Joci

I guess I can't really relate to any of this because I am literally afraid of no animals (or babies lol), except for a healthy amount of caution around venomous animals and giant (15ft+) pythons, I am a relatively small person so venom and/or giant animals could overpower me easily haha.

I definitely used to be afraid of spiders, but what fixed it for me was the fact that these (and a lot of other) animals really really aren't thinking about hurting you, in fact, they are most definitely more afraid of you than you are of them. This is what causes any animal to bite, unless of course you are being hunted down by a mountain lion or the like :).

I wish more people could understand that animals have no desire to hurt them, heck, I don't even think animal are self-aware, so how could they "feel like" hurting you?

Funny story, today I was in class and suddenly a spider began to lower itself in front of my face. I simply broke the string it was attached to and put it on the floor without telling my classmates lol :D

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Lucky spider!
They fascinate me but still can't seem to be calm when I see a bigger one on me. The unpredictable - will it run fast, go in my shirt, what if I kill him trying to get him off, what if... That just does it for me.. I would like to be free of that silly fear. I managed to hold a emperor scorpions a few times in my hands dough and madagascar baby roaches - baby ones. Maybe it's the size of a bug...
When I see a snake I just want to hold it in my hands to see her better, how it acts.. unless its poisonous...or heavier than me [emoji3] than I just stare [emoji7]

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Originally Posted by Godzilla78

If she is that adamant about not coming, even though you are close friends..that IS A PHOBIA. Ophidiophobia is a relatively common phobia, and although phobias can be "cured" with therapy, I would just accept your friend has a serious phobia and move on.

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Ya.. Im not forcing her.. I was just a bit mad she didn't even try...not once.. She is partly acting out, im sure about it cause I know her.. The other part im not sure what it is.. But im letting it go.
Other friends have no problem.. Some want to hold it, some pretend its not there.

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