I Guess It Is Time To Give Up?

I still live with my mother to help raise my brother. She has a deathly fear of snakes and for years I have been asking her to allow me to keep a snake in my room but her answer is always the same "Why do you push me like this. You know I am scared of them and you just like to push me because you are selfish" or something along those lines. It was always my dream to own a snake and I have tried to help my mother by trying to show her and let her interact with Ball pythons but she will not cooperate. I offer to help her through her phobia almost everyday but she is just so stubborn. She is divorced and raising my little brother so I can't move out beause I am basically his dad so I guess this is it. I am giving up on my dream, at least for now. It will be a good 7 years before I can move out so I guess I have to say good bye to ball pythons and hello to more stress and a stubborn mom.Fun.

Has anyone else had an experience like this?

She does not have to cooperate, HER house HER rules. :gj:

The thing is been there done that my parents were against snakes and I survived, it was their house and their rules and this is the way it should be and I respected that. I moved out at 18 traveled a lot, lived in different countries (so good thing I did not have a snake) and one day I settled down and starting collecting snakes than and now I have a room full.

If you are passionate now you still will be in 2, 5 10 or even 20 years from now.

It's not the end of the world.

Never give up the dream. :) You may just have to put it on the back burner until you are in a position to run your own household, since your mother does not want a snake in her house. It'll happen one day, when you've got your own snake-friendly environment, if you want it to happen!

You can still get a job and move into your own place nearby, and still help out with your brother. Just make sure the landlord is ok with you having snakes.

Heck you can even take your brother to your place and introduce him to your snakes.

Your presentation is passive-agressive.

You are not anyone's "dad."
You are living under your mother's roof. Presumably she supports the two of you?
She is not beholden to your opinion, nor ours for that matter.

You also don't give sufficient information to form any opinion.
What is this about seven years?
How old are you?

When you are capable of moving out, and paying your own bills, you will be free to do more of what you want.
No one can legally hold you hostage once you are of age. (I am assuming you haven't been declared to be of unsound mind, nor in legal trouble she has taken responsibility for.)

Why is "give up," in your post title? You just have to wait, that's all.
You are not entitled.

I agree, it's her house and her rules... but if that's the way she expresses it, it sounds like there is probably more going on between you than just a disagreement about snakes. I don't know how old you are; but if you really are living there in order to help with your brother because it's the right thing to do (as opposed to living there because you can't afford not to) maybe it's also fair to make more of your own lifestyle choices, since you are an independent adult contributing to the household in a material way.

Of course, that opens cans of all kinds of worms regarding adult children's relationships with their parents in general, and your relationship with yours in particular; if a bunch of random snake enthusiasts on the internet shouldn't try to diagnose a mild RI in someone's pet, you definitely don't need us all analyzing your relationship with your mother.

But maybe another strategy is to promise that you will keep the snake away from her and she never has to see it or be in the same room with it, you will get your own freezer for feeders, and you promise you won't ever bring up the subject of phobias or give her a hard time about not liking snakes. Her end of the deal is she let's you have the pet you want; your end is that you let her have her opinions and phobias and don't needle her about it.

Maybe you could volunteer at a shelter to get you reptile fix. If there's one around. Maybe you could get a job at a pet store.

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Originally Posted by bcr229

You can still get a job and move into your own place nearby, and still help out with your brother. Just make sure the landlord is ok with you having snakes.

Heck you can even take your brother to your place and introduce him to your snakes.

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i agree with BCR. u can have your own roof and rules and still be helpful to your mom and lil brother.


edit: either way, don't give up.

My parents would never allow me to get a snake. Now at 25 I look after my dad from a distance and got my own snake. I always knew I would get one when I was ready and setup in my own place. I didn't even bother asking them 2x because the answer would have been the same. I'm not sure if you work or not but having a reptile is expensive and an ongoing expense. One day you will get one, try to make it apart of your lifetime goals. Do good in school and strive towards a future that will allow you to afford snakes.

Life is cruel and unfortunately it sounds like you are learning that at a young age. Trust me though family is all you have in this world, try to put yourself in your moms shoes at times too. Even though we're not all dealt the best cards life is what you make it. Stay positive !

Let me tell you something about women... Asking her every day, mentioning it every day.... You have pretty much guaranteed a "no".

Now its its not only a phobia, but annoyance. No woman ever gives in after you annoyed, scared, and argued with her.

Respect your mother, you already know what the answer is so stop pushing it.
Her roof, her rules.
Like I told my son, If you don't like it get your own place.

Her house, her rules. If it were just that she didn't want the annoyance it'd be a different situation (still her rules, but it might be more appropriate to put together a case for you to get a snake), but when someone has a legitimate fear of an animal you're talking about serious mental sacrifice on their part to have it in their house. For someone with a phobia, having a snake in the house can be a serious ongoing stress, even if they agreed to work on their fear, and that's a lot to ask of anyone.

It's very cruel to push your wants and desires onto someone who clearly has expressed their fear and wanton dislike of your intentions. Your mother has a right to the way she feels and you need to respect that. Reptile keepers have to always remember that people have deep seated fears of these animals and don't need us trying to talk them into trying to like them much less hold them. Actually some people have such a real phobia of snakes that is bound to their religious beliefs that they may look at seeing a snake as some sort of curse. This could possibly lead to them having a medical emergency as well such as chest pains and or difficulty breathing, fainting , dizziness or a flat out heart attack! Nothing to play with!

7 years gives you plenty of time to plan your snake collection when you get your own house and can set your own rules. Don't give up 7 years is nothing it will go by either way so enjoy it and prepare!

I had a mother that said no to a LOT of things I wanted (or thought I wanted) while I was growing up and living at home... in HER house.

Well, I got a job and moved out when I was 19. I got some tattoos. I get one every few years. I like them. I bought myself a skateboard for my 30th birthday and learned to skate. She would never let me have one, but I still had that passion for wanting to do it. I gave it up after a few months. Falling down hurt too much. She never wanted me to have a remote controlled airplane. I now have about ten and have been flying for about 15 years. She never let me have a pet. I've had a dog for 12 years, cat for 11 years, I've had fish on and off, and I got a snake last year. I'm 39.

Morale of the story, as others have said... be patient. If it's really a "dream" of yours, you can make it happen. Sometimes you have to work to make it happen, and it may take longer than you want, but use that time to learn more about what you want... then when the time comes, you can spend more time enjoying it and not having to quickly learn all about it.

I'm guessing you're a bit younger than I am, so you probably don't want to hear this, but please, respect and love your mother. You've only got one, and one day you'll look back and wish you could have hugged her a little more, told her you loved her a little more, and you'll miss her. Keep in good and do as right as you can by your mom. Good things come to those who wait.

I used to catch garters and such when I was a kid in the 80s and 90s. I've always loved snakes. My parents wouldn't let me get one either. Now I have my own family, and my own snakes. My kids aren't afraid of them as they look T them as their pets.

Bottom line is wait until you have the proper means to own such a pet, and use your moms fear to motivate you to make sure your kids aren't afraid.

We we all know a fear of snakes is irrational, but it is still a persons fear. You have to respect that. All you can do is positively influence the next generation.

OK I know you have probably heard this plenty of times from the other members but, I am a firm believer that repetition can be a good thing.

My mom is deathly afraid of snakes and lizards. She hates them with a passion and often tells me that I am 'crazy, weird, and strange, for ever liking a slithery, slimy biting monstrosity. And that I will be unwelcome in her home if I EVER have any of them in my coat pockets, purse, or around my neck.' This I respected because of how much my mom is afraid of these creatures. My mom will NEVER get over her fear of snakes in particular and no amount of me prodding, trying to MAKE her understand, or giving over facts will ever change that. She can't even stand to see a rubber snake toy without screaming and jumping up on a chair or something.

But I loved them. I left my mother's place at 18. I traveled a bit, started college, found a job, and rented an apartment with the money that I saved when I was a kid. This took me about five years to accomplish give or take a few months. I had to make sure I had all my ducks in a row before I even considered having an animal. Life became crazy after that (college courses, jobs, and stress) and only when I believed I could fit enough time into snakes did I get them.

All in all, it is about being patient. You might not be able to have one now but in due time you will. So no, it is not time to give it up. Just have patience and you WILL be able to have one. Take this time to know yourself, do your research, and figure out the little but important things about owning a snake.

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My parents were against the whole snake thing too. So I just brought one home. Not the best advice but hey I have a snake now that I love and my parents like him too after seeing him.

I wouldn't advise that. A true phobia is a fearsome thing and will push people straight into irrational and sometimes regrettable behavior.

I am phobic of snakes. Absolutely bat turd crazy until it's gone. And if it's gone because I lost it and now don't know where it is.... I reach a whole new level of clinical.

I would find it perfectly reasonable at the time to throw out a person living in my home who broke my house rules and snuck one in. Out on their rear with no where to go and I would have no remorse. It's a perfect way to learn about consequences.

Just st my opinion, and your miles may vary.

My dad hates snakes and completely shut it down whenever I asked as a kid. For some people, it's just a phobia that they CAN'T get over. I feel the same way about spiders and insects, no offense meant to those enthusiasts -- I can't seem to get past it, no matter what I try.

The second I moved out I got my first snake and have been keeping them for over a decade now. Look on the bright side and think of the snake fund you could save in 7 years. Not to mention all the cool new morphs that'll be out there. :)

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Originally Posted by Kokorobosoi

I wouldn't advise that. A true phobia is a fearsome thing and will push people straight into irrational and sometimes regrettable behavior.

I am phobic of snakes. Absolutely bat turd crazy until it's gone. And if it's gone because I lost it and now don't know where it is.... I reach a whole new level of clinical.

I would find it perfectly reasonable at the time to throw out a person living in my home who broke my house rules and snuck one in. Out on their rear with no where to go and I would have no remorse. It's a perfect way to learn about consequences.

Just st my opinion, and your miles may vary.

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obviously my subconscious couldn't even let me say the word... When I said snakes I was referring to those horrible eight legged things. Lol

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Originally Posted by Kokorobosoi

obviously my subconscious couldn't even let me say the word... When I said snakes I was referring to those horrible eight legged things. Lol

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Lol that's funny !!!You ain't the only one I can look at them through the glass no way I'm holdin one. I'd rather handle a crazy 15 ft retic than handle a harmless spider.

Oh no, there isn't any looking at them either. I range between run away and hulk smash- no inbetween.

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Originally Posted by New2Dis

My parents were against the whole snake thing too. So I just brought one home. Not the best advice but hey I have a snake now that I love and my parents like him too after seeing him.

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LoL.... You would be homeless here :cool:

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Originally Posted by Kokorobosoi

obviously my subconscious couldn't even let me say the word... When I said snakes I was referring to those horrible eight legged things. Lol

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LOL. I was confused!
I STILL have a phobia of wild snakes (except garters/ribbons).
Makes no sense. That's phobias for you.

I have considered releasing the kings this spring that we found as hatchlings in the kitchen. They should have enough weight for a better chance at survival and of course, the weather is better now. (Born Free, and all that...) However, should that happen, these once beloved pets will then be wild, and if I ever chance to encounter one in the yard, it'll be a wild snake again, and I won't *just* be startled.

Not enough info. How old are you? If you're over 20, get out. Under 20: suck it up you'll be gone in a few years. Also, if you are not paying half the rent and bills, stop telling yourself your mom "needs you" and that you are like a "dad". If it's about looking after your brother while she works she can drop him off at your place and it's gonna be the same thing. No excuses for being a leech to your parents.

I'm a pet lover and I wasn't aloud pets either. Got my first cat at my parent's house, moved out got a 2nd cat. Split with my bf, got a dog, moved to the city, got a snake, mices and I'm getting rats in a couple of weeks. Move out and do whatever you want.

Don't give up. I've been a member of this site for 10 years, and I've spent those 10 years without a snake. I just picked up my first BP yesterday, so don't let it get you down. I'm not saying it'll take you 10 years to get one, but waiting will pay off. I'd wanted a snake since I was a kid, since the first time I held a snake, and it took me over 15 years to get my first.

I'd say. . .pick a calm time, not when your mom is worked up about anything, and just ask if there are any conditions that she would allow you to have a snake (like, if you always kept it in your room, if you did the dishes every night, idk, whatever). If she says yes, you have a negotiation. If she says no, absolutely no way, don't ever bring it up again, and start making plans for the little snake empire you'll have when you get your own place :D. It's good motivation to make something of your life, stay out of trouble, and get a good job.

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Originally Posted by Willowy

I'd say. . .pick a calm time, not when your mom is worked up about anything, and just ask if there are any conditions that she would allow you to have a snake (like, if you always kept it in your room, if you did the dishes every night, idk, whatever). If she says yes, you have a negotiation. If she says no, absolutely no way, don't ever bring it up again, and start making plans for the little snake empire you'll have when you get your own place :D. It's good motivation to make something of your life, stay out of trouble, and get a good job.

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i think mom has made herself clear on this issue.