Question for Female Herpers! (but guys are welcome, too.)

I have a question for my fellow female herpers out there with significant others--

Does anyone else's husband/boyfriend/thing limit you on your reptiles (or even say you can't have any at all)?

I ask because my (albeit temporary) cap is apparently two (-pouts like a 4-year-old-), which is ridiculous to me and, I'm guessing, to many other breeders. I'm not asking for 20 snakes, by the way--I'm simply asking for a female ball python so that I may start allowing her to grow for future breeding. I have the enclosures necessary, extra herp supplies--I would literally just need a water bowl and a thermometer/hygrometer. I even have the money to get it. Hmph. xD

/pouting. I was just wondering because I always see this the other way around: the wife saying no more, but never the guy--am I just missing it?

Well since you said guys are welcome too, my wife is normally the one that says no more, but everytime we go to resupply our frozen feeders she finds something else she wants, and I'm a firm believer of "happy wife, happy life" lol so I haven't told her no yet, this is also why we have 5 dogs!

Don't think it helps you, but since you asked, lol, my boyfriend's only rule (we don't live together, different states atm, been together 8 years) is that I talk to him before getting any new animal so we can discuss it together, and make the decision after we hear what the other has to say. He is completely fine with me getting more reptiles as long as he feels we are at a point where we can make the commitment. But he is a huge animal lover. He just doesn't want me to surprise him with a new pet.

I am married to someone that went from being scared of snakes to tolerating them, regardless of his feeling toward snakes at no point what there a “I don’t want snakes in our house” or “so many is the limit”

We support each other’s hobbies whether we understand one another’s hobby or not.

As far as a number it is whatever I can care for by myself and of course what I can provide for financially as well (Knowing that I support all the financial aspect of my hobby)

My husband as no idea how many snakes are in this house nor does he care so long he does not have to be involved ;)

Yep I sure do! I started out with my bf not being comfortable around snakes... Now he has one of his own, plus the two I bought for a joint anniversary gift :) I do want to get more snakes, but he's at a point where it's "Do we really need more snakes right now?". So it doesn't look like I'll be getting any more for the time being. Unless I can find an adult female hognose....

My bf is mostly supportive. He got me into the hobby and I just ran with it. 1 turned to 2 then to turned to 7, going on 10 in a couple months. He says "why don't you spend that money on something else that we could use?" Etc.

If he ever downright said "no, you're not allowed.....well, lets just say a new rack would replace his computer desk.

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk

jclairborne, that's also my philosophy. Women can get evil. xD

Deborah, this is why I don't get it. He's not afraid of snakes--he owns the male corn. And I've told him I don't mind what he does with his money as long as he can afford it (he has a gun hobby), and yet I cannot do the same? I wanna beat him with logic.

Mootworm, you can get a female adult? Still more than what I can get. I got the no even on a female adult corn that would've been breedable this year (we currently have a male and female corn), AND was oh so genetically compatible with our multi-gene male! Ugh, so frustrating! x.x

I wouldn't be with someone who tried to tell me what to do with my money haha.

I think its important to be open and discuss with your partner about what you're spending, if its joint money or big purchases. But if its my own spending money, not for bills or whatnot, then i wouldn't let anyone tell me what to do with it.

EDIT: also i would look at this thread without really bringing gender into it. I don't think wives should restrict husbands and i dont think husbands should restrict wives. Within reason of course of course lol.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Productmur

jclairborne, that's also my philosophy. Women can get evil. xD

Deborah, this is why I don't get it. He's not afraid of snakes--he owns the male corn. And I've told him I don't mind what he does with his money as long as he can afford it (he has a gun hobby), and yet I cannot do the same? I wanna beat him with logic.

Mootworm, you can get a female adult? Still more than what I can get. I got the no even on a female adult corn that would've been breedable this year (we currently have a male and female corn), AND was oh so genetically compatible with our multi-gene male! Ugh, so frustrating! x.x

---

haha... the only reason I would question bringing another animal home was if we didn't have the means to care for it.

Well my ex husband wouldn't allow snakes, but I went from 1 dog to 4 in a matter of a year and also had 4 cats.
My significant other now... not an issue on anything :)

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Productmur

Deborah, this is why I don't get it. He's not afraid of snakes--he owns the male corn. And I've told him I don't mind what he does with his money as long as he can afford it (he has a gun hobby), and yet I cannot do the same? I wanna beat him with logic.

---

Everyone's situation is going to be different, for sure. I envy Deborah sometimes. ;) My situation is more like your own. I have a husband that I love dearly, but he does not love snakes and we have agreed on a hard limit to the number that I can have. Over the years, it has SLOWLY creeped up to a total of five. And I really, really don't see it going beyond that for the foreseeable future. If I want a new snake, I have to find a new home for one of the ones I already have.

What most people don't understand though, is that they see this as some kind of "controlling" situation. I might say something like "My husband 'won't let me' have another snake" and they take it to mean that he issues the orders and I obey them. This is not the case. He has his reasons...and they are very strong reasons to him. VERY strong. What those reasons are don't really matter here...what matters is that I understand how important they are to him, even if I don't feel those same things myself. He also understands how STRONG this PASSION is that I have. And therefore, he tolerates the five I have now, even though they do make him very uncomfortable. We respect each other's limits. He tolerates the presence of animals in his house...and I tolerate the wait for the day when I have more freedom to expand my personal journey into owning exotic animals. We do this because we love each other and want to make each other happy....not because we have a need to control one another or get our way just because we want something.

Personally, I think a situation like this is a good test of a relationship. IS it a matter of him playing controlling games? Only you can know that. Do you love him enough to put your own desires aside for the time being in order to respect his wishes? Only you can know that.

It's not easy....but it's worth it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Productmur

Mootworm, you can get a female adult? Still more than what I can get. I got the no even on a female adult corn that would've been breedable this year (we currently have a male and female corn), AND was oh so genetically compatible with our multi-gene male! Ugh, so frustrating! x.x

---

I can if I find one for under 500 lol. He's really wanting to produce some baby hogs, so that will be the only allowance. For now ;)

Yes....and no.... We are married, so our funds are joint funds...i.e. we don't say "I make x salary so I can do what I want with that money", we consider it our money.. That said, we began our marriage with the understanding that with any large purchase we would consult each other first. I consider a pet a large purchase because it will end up costing more funds and time over the course of it's life and involves more of a commitment than buying, say, a new video game, etc.

I asked my husband if he was cool with me getting my first snake... and he was (i only had geckos at the time), but we ended up bringing home 2 and now have a third less than 5 months later. So far he is enjoying the snakes more than my geckos, which helps him want to acquire more. However, he is more practical than me and his attitude is sorta that we enjoy the ones we have so it isn't necessary to get more.

At some point I'd like to get maybe 2-5 more snakes, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I think that as long as it does not hurt us financially and does not restrict the time I spend with him, he'll be ok with it.

As to your situation productmur, I'd have a sit down and ask why they're not ok with you getting another snake.... If there are reasons other than money, etc. and what those are (i.e. is it a space thing, time commitment thing, etc.). Part of any lasting relationship is the ability to compromise and discuss joint issues... I guess number of snakes would be a good area to start.

Ah, there's no doubt I love the brat. It's just frustrating sometimes. xD Was just wondering everyone else's situation was.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Productmur

I have a question for my fellow female herpers out there with significant others--

Does anyone else's husband/boyfriend/thing limit you on your reptiles (or even say you can't have any at all)?

I ask because my (albeit temporary) cap is apparently two (-pouts like a 4-year-old-), which is ridiculous to me and, I'm guessing, to many other breeders. I'm not asking for 20 snakes, by the way--I'm simply asking for a female ball python so that I may start allowing her to grow for future breeding. I have the enclosures necessary, extra herp supplies--I would literally just need a water bowl and a thermometer/hygrometer. I even have the money to get it. Hmph. xD

/pouting. I was just wondering because I always see this the other way around: the wife saying no more, but never the guy--am I just missing it?

---

Ha well I guess I have a slightly different perspective on this than most. I'm a girl, with a girl (getting near 3 years).

At first I was sort of given a limit. She had never held a snake before meeting me and was slightly afraid. At the time that we met I had 4 (1 boa, 1 corn, 1 blood, 1 ball). Slowly she got used to them but didn't really want anything to do with them. She thought my blood and ball were ugly and looked like slugs, but did think my boa was nice tempered and pretty.

I convinced her to attend the next reptile show, where she fell in love with a crested gecko and bought it (I also had 2). This was her first reptile. While we were there I kept wanting to go back to a table where I seen a beautiful hypo hog island boa baby. She could tell I was in love but was holding back. Now since this was when we were first dating she went against her better judgement and just wanted to make me happy and offered to buy him for me. I gave that as a go head and bought him myself.

We moved in together and I was kind of set a limit, she didn't really want me to get anymore. Over time though she began to love them more. Now that we'd been in the relationship for a while I decided I won't scare her away so I told her I intend on getting more, maybe just a couple. At that time I was mainly interested in boas. I liked their temperament and head shape and size better. I ended up with a pastel and another hypo.

Once we bought our own house she let me have my "snake room". Soon after we attended another reptile show and she fell in love with a bee and bought it and I bought a lesser. After seeing the multitude of morphs and the beauty of balls, I fell hard core in love. Sold my blood, couple boas, and decided to focus on BPs.

Now she owns 5 of the balls on my list and let me tell you we aren't stopping any time soon. Though she doesn't do any of the cleaning or feeding lol. And has only recently gotten the courage to grab the balls from their tubs instead of waiting for me to hand her one haha.

Someone doesn't change their mind over night, but it is definitely possible. If they see the love you have for these animals, and they love you, they should want (reasonably) to let you do what makes you happy, and to support what you love. It might just take time to get to the point you're hoping for.

Now that my passion has blossomed I know I will do what I want. It's my hobby, my love, and my money. As long as it doesn't get in the way of bills then it doesn't matter. I will not be with somebody who tried to tell me I can't do that

Gotta say, I miss dating women sometimes. xD Congrats on your early anniversary. :3

Anyway, good to see time can change people's perspectives. My limit is time-based. Can't wait. xD

My boyfriend doesn't really care about my snakes or the number. Granted, he doesn't really like or dislike them. He's just rather indifferent and not interested. I pay for my own animals, their care, food, etc etc. So he doesn't really complain as long as it doesn't negatively affect him. It's my own business as long as it doesn't interfere with his own. He has his own plant/aquarium hobbies that I'm not really interested in either. We have our own hobbies and support each other in our endeavors, but we don't tell each other what to do in regards to those interests.

well I started out with mine living at home, and my mother was terrified of snakes.(has a fit when she found the blackrat snakes( that started it all) in my room in the middle of winter. It snowed balled from there I had literally 30 snakes with in 2 years. ( most being rescued) She got to the point she went from terrified to no more then to ok and finally wanting one of her own. I have since moved out and she always is saying she misses having the snakes around.
My involvement with snakes led to my meeting my wife ( on here ) and we have combined our collections into a limited group until we can buy our own house and have a true reptile building/floor lol .

I have eight and I'm currently limited by how much a month I can afford to allot toward rats and how much floor space is left in my apartment. My husband doesn't mind and even has a few favorites. He gets a little leery when I start talking about other species, but entertained the idea of me getting a huge cage for a dwarf retic. I'm still surprised he didn't mind me taking half the bedroom with racks but to be honest it was empty space before then.

I'm the one who budgets stuff so at the moment he's happy as long as I make an equal sized fund for him to spend on magic cards and new video games.

I don't think I hinder his hobbies. He's not as good at throwing away old things in the closet through. And he uses some old computer towers as side tables in the computer room. I just sigh and buy him taller bookshelves. My only concern is reaching the capacity of our apartment in stuff.

My b/f likes the snakes, he doesn't really do anything with them though and I really can't see him ever limiting how many snakes/reptiles I get, other than concerns if I wanted a large animal, something I couldn't handle alone. I don't know, we spend our own money how we like, I don't say anything about his video games, guns or legos and he doesn't complain if I bring home another dog collar or fish tank. He knows I'm not interested in adding 50 snakes or anything though.

My husband and I didn't get snakes until after we were married and our daughter wanted one. Now we're at the point where we trade off who gets the next one. He got an albino boa for his birthday last September, then I got 3 BP hatchlings from a breeder, and now he wants a Surinam boa next spring after seeing one at the Hamburg, PA expo recently.

I always ask my fiance but he always says "yes". I guess he knows what's good for him :p. But in all seriousness, he knows my snakes make me happy so he's cool with me adding to my collection. His only pet rule is no spiders.

My SO would probably be pretty miffed if I got another dog - he isn't too fond of them - but he couldn't care much less about the snakes. They don't have a smell, they don't take a ton of space, they don't bother him. He doesn't like to handle them much but he's pretty into browsing classifieds with me and talking about hypothetical breeding plans... haha, I don't get it but whatever.

Not to say anyone's situation is "controlling", I'm only speaking for myself here, but we both come from extremely long and unhealthy previous relationships so we are both very much for "do whatever you want, it's your money, etc, as long as you're there for me when I need you it's 100% cool".

I feel like I could probably have a room of wall-to-wall snake racks before he would wonder if I'm in over my head.

I've been lucky enough to not have a cap on mine. If I ever ask about getting one his response is usually "as long as you think we have the money for it and you want it, go for it." I usually get a 'you know the answer' look if I ask any more.

In the past, with my parents they always said "no snakes" and my ex boyfriend said "no snakes" and often got huffy if I brought home another critter.

My only suggestion would be to sit down your significant other and try to explain what and why you want. Maybe try going over that you already have all the supplies you would need and how it would help future plans.

Good luck!

My hubby doesnt put a limit on the snakes, as he loves them too. I'm actually the one making sure I dont get too many, as I take care of them. (I actually had to say no to a burmese because I simply dont want to clean massive snake poop!) The money we make is 'our' money, so as long as bills are paid, whoever has left over money gets to spend it as they like. We talk about each large purchase we make (if its more than $50) and if it involves an animal, we talk about it.

As long as we can afford the animals without cash and space being tight, we are pretty much open to new snakes, or an extra dog, etc..

Oh boy. My boyfriend and I would have major trouble if he tried to put a limit on my pets. At first he didn't like snakes. He still doesn't care for them but he takes an interest in what I'm saying, he asks to hold my big male sometimes, he'll hold them for me if I'm doing complete cage cleanings, he deals with the rats in our bedroom, he feeds them for me when I'm gone (he likes watching them eat too), etc. As time goes on and the more he is around them, the more he seems to like and get into the reptile world. We went to the East Bay Vivarium one weekend and we were both running around like kids in a candy shop. He was amazed by the burms and monitors and enjoyed the frog and lizard setups. He kept asking me if I was going to get anything in a tone like he wanted me to. I just didn't see anything I couldn't live without.

He has his hobbies and I have mine. If it makes him happy I don't want to tell him no and he feels the same. I might think it's a lot to spend several thousand on a guitar, but wouldn't think it's that much for a certain combo/gene I want. Acceptance of hobbies is what is needed. I wouldn't tell him no and he wouldn't tell me no on my hobbies either. He knows full well that when we get a house of our own that I'm getting a reptile room and that there will be no stopping me from new additions. Once I'm a nurse or have a good CNA job I'm not holding back as much.

When we first met my plan was to have a fish room and breed show quality bettas. That plan got scrapped when I got into BPs last year. I actually got him into fish because he loved my 75 gallon aquarium. He now has several 10 gallons set up and a 50 gal waiting for the day we get our own place (we rent an apartment). While I've branched away from fish, he's gotten more into them. As a whole my hobbies are more expensive than his. Nice morphs and horse upkeep and shows doesn't come cheap.

Well I'm not married or dating at this moment so I figured Ill buy all I can before I do. BUT if my wife or girlfriend had a hobby I wouldn't stop them from getting what they wanted so I don't think they should stop me from getting what I wanted. As long as funds were there to get it and bills were paid!

The only reason my boyfriend tells me "no" when I put on the puppy eyes at a show or pet place is because we both moved back in with our parents for the time being. My mom has an "over my dead body" policy about snakes and my bf's mom is just tolerant of our boa (it took my bf, his dad and his brother outvoting her for her to agree to let us keep it at their house, and now she's comfortable with her as long as she doesn't have to be near her). It's just simply a matter of not having our own place; since we don't own the houses we're not going to impose animals that they don't want around. Once we have our own place again, I know probably one of the first things we'll do is go out and get a Beardie and maybe even another boa, lol.

That's one of the main reasons I haven't really been on BP.net; it's hard to look at all these people getting awesome new pets and I can't. :P

My hubby grew up in a house that had a goldfish and a cocker spaniel- that was it. He knows nothing about critters but he know in marrying me that animals were going to be a part of our household. He thinks my critters are neat and will keep me company when I clean (he really likes to help on feed days) but really doesn't have much do do with them (or my Ts).

We support each others hobbies. I have to keep myself in check. Do I really need another snake? Do I have enough food? Is it time to clean? Should I get an aggressive tarantula? I have to decide that because he doesn't want to step on my toes.

I have seven snakes, 30 tarantulas, two corgis, a cat, a beta, a horse, two birds, and a 4 year old child. If I had to rent this would be very difficult to pull off. We bought our house and now I don't have to worry about laws, room, moving, and all that jazz. My hubby is military and we have been pros at packing up and moving but it doesn't mean that we like it and it is really difficult to do that with the snakes. Especially keeping up with the constantly changing laws.

When I do bring home a new critter I try to not raise an eyebrow when the newest video game shows up in his collection. Even though he doesn't have much to do with my critters its kinda cute to see him show off one of my snakes or one of my more impressive Ts to a friend. His buddies are always scared of them and are really impressed that they are his wife's. Then they start complaining that their wives only collect shoes and what not.

Good luck:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cendalla

My hubby grew up in a house that had a goldfish and a cocker spaniel- that was it. He knows nothing about critters but he know in marrying me that animals were going to be a part of our household. He thinks my critters are neat and will keep me company when I clean (he really likes to help on feed days) but really doesn't have much do do with them (or my Ts).

We support each others hobbies. I have to keep myself in check. Do I really need another snake? Do I have enough food? Is it time to clean? Should I get an aggressive tarantula? I have to decide that because he doesn't want to step on my toes.

I have seven snakes, 30 tarantulas, two corgis, a cat, a beta, a horse, two birds, and a 4 year old child. If I had to rent this would be very difficult to pull off. We bought our house and now I don't have to worry about laws, room, moving, and all that jazz. My hubby is military and we have been pros at packing up and moving but it doesn't mean that we like it and it is really difficult to do that with the snakes. Especially keeping up with the constantly changing laws.

When I do bring home a new critter I try to not raise an eyebrow when the newest video game shows up in his collection. Even though he doesn't have much to do with my critters its kinda cute to see him show off one of my snakes or one of my more impressive Ts to a friend. His buddies are always scared of them and are really impressed that they are his wife's. Then they start complaining that their wives only collect shoes and what not.

Good luck:)

---

Haha we are in a similar situation. My man is in the forces. His gaming bugs the hell out of me sometimes, but I'm like "okay, Melissa. He deals with some of the snake bills so, I can't complain too much."

He's currently playing the new call of duty....that I actually bought for him. PROGRESS!! Lol

Sent from my hot spot

To me, its a difficult call, and agreed everyones situation is different. Me n hubby (as he already posted lol) met on here, and both love snakes. However, we both have a hard time saying 'yes'. And currently, im the only one working, so i think itd be very unfair if he went out and got some new snakes while im struggling to pay the bills. So we currently are at a point where if we both want something new, we gotta sell one we have first.
In your situation, id say as long as your bills are being paid, its your own spending money, and you are more than able to care for one new snake, i dont see what the problem is. If your man says stuff like "its my place", or "my rules", or some such other thing, then i would say the issue has nothin to do with snakes, if you know what i mean. Good luck, and hopefully it works out.


sent from my incubator

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 4theSNAKElady

To me, its a difficult call, and agreed everyones situation is different. Me n hubby (as he already posted lol) met on here, and both love snakes. However, we both have a hard time saying 'yes'. And currently, im the only one working, so i think itd be very unfair if he went out and got some new snakes while im struggling to pay the bills. So we currently are at a point where if we both want something new, we gotta sell one we have first.


sent from my incubator

---

We Have agreed that paying bills first before a new addition was added to our collection ( and our current standing is that it only funded from the selling of current animals as a result each replacement must be a upgrade to the morph(s) we currently have) so this means no single gene animals. I also have decided I can do without a lot until I can find work, so I sit home and only travel when needed or it benefits us both, by bring in a few extra bucks or prevents her from riding her bike to and from work when the weather not favorable for it...

My wife is awesome...she's always willing to help out cleaning tubs and has never balked when I wanted to add a new snake. As long as I'm not spending the rent money she's good. She's not as dedicated to them as I am, but she enjoys handling them and really likes seeing babies pip...:D

My wife always says no more, actually said none at all, but in the last 7 months I have acquired 14 new snakes, so I guess I don't listen lol.

Her biggest thing was nothing over 3-4' long, and I have a 5' boa, 7ft boa, a 6' anaconda, 2 +8ft boas, and a 12' anaconda, and just picked up a baby retic. So guess that rule is out the window too.

She's still with me tho, she's so great! Such a trooper!


Sent From an Enclosure

My husband is not much into reptiles, or pets at all for that matter. He doesn't limit what I buy (this is a husband-wife, not a father-daughter relationship after all), but he does ask me to consider carefully and give it some time before making big decisions like long term pet purchases. I appreciate his input because I know I can be impulsive. He has his little hobbies and doesn't have a problem with mine, as long as they are done in a financially reasonable fashion (we have 3 kids, who always come first).

ETA: I see a lot of people have mentioned finances, where I took this as more of a "money aside" thing. Absolutely, we do not retain any consumer debt month to month and if that was the case, new pets wouldn't be an option for us.

My fiancee was afraid of snakes, now he likes them, and accepts / supports my hobby, but still thinks I'm a crazy snake lady ;P Our only think is discussion prior to buying, which is fair since we share a bank account. As far as an animal limit? He's said so himself he accepts that he'll be living in a zoo.

Sorry to here your guy is not into the herping. My fiancee and I breed balls together, but I'm always the one that wants more. He's capped our collection at 30, even though I'm the one that does all the feeding and cleaning. So in a much less restrained way, I understand. :salute:

Very interesting thread!! I am the one with the interest in snakes, while my husband is not "afraid" of them, he does not have the desire and love for them that I do. I just starting having snakes again, and have two BP's. I just rescued a Hog Island/Nic cross yesterday, without consulting hubby (surprise!!). It was free, so it was not a monetary decision, but he did give me a "are you sure you can handle a snake that big" conversation.

As long as the bills are paid, and I am the one caring for them, he is ok with it. But then again we are not your average people - we do dog rescue and currently have 12 dogs in our home. They range from 3.6lbs to 170lbs!

My kids on the other hand are NOT snake fans, and ask me "Not another snake mom!!"