Need advice..

Im an adopted child. My grandmother fostered me since I was 7 days old. She tried to adopt me when I was older, but they told her she was too old. Basically she got her daughter to adopt me so they could keep me:

My grandmother is a wonderful person, but hates confrontation.

5 years ago she let her son, his wife and 3 kids move into her basement. Since then, they broke up and his wife and two kids now live in town.

Her son is a despicable person. He claims he can't work because he hurt his neck. The government gives him over $1500. He doesn't work, just sits downstairs, plays video games, watches tv, and smokes drugs and cigarettes.

He has no respect for my grandparents. My grandfather is 87, and his health is failing. No one in the house smokes other than him and myself but I go outside. Grandma even had a doctors note saying the smoke isn't good for my grandfather but he still continues.

He makes my grandmother buy him food, smokes, and he uses her vehicle, on HER gas. He doesn't do anything around the house.

He comes upstairs and drinks all the coffee she buys for the Kerig. He doesn't buy any, but drinks all the ones she buys for papa.

He's even physically attacked his brother when Kirk (the brother) was drunk. Which resulted in Kirk falling down a flight of stairs.

He has a 16 year old daughter who lives with him. She's basically his slave. She cooks, cleans, and looks after him. He pays her back with alcohol and drugs.

Yesterday he came after me. Told me I'm trash, I'm useless, no one loves me and they all feel sorry for me. Says I'm fat and lazy and threatened to beat me.

She heard everything and did nothing.

I'm at the point where I just want to leave. My dilemma is that he will be able to continue using her without having someone there. He truly believes its HIS house.

I don't know what I expect for a response. I guess I just need to vent. I'm stressed, and angry.

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds to me like you need to move out ASAP. Your grandparents either can't or won't change status quo - if their son uses them it's because they permit it. There's certainly no reason for their loser son to change his life. So, all you can control are your actions.

Save up your cash and rent a room somewhere, and in the meantime secure any valuables that you have in the house so the druggie doesn't steal your stuff to pay for his habit.

Sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sorry you have these issues to deal with in life. Unfortunately, no one is immune to the trials and tribulations that come along.

As the previous poster has said, the son really has no reason to change his behaviour if your grandparents don't force him to. If they keep enabling his behaviour nothing will change. All you can do is take your situation and make the best of it, or move out. Don't allow his words to influence your self-esteem or cause you to change your behaviours. A man who is old enough to have a 16 year old daughter should be more than capable of renting (or even owning) his own residence, and be able to support at least himself, let alone his dependents.

It sounds to me as though he is hanging out in his dungeon until your grandparents are no longer around, as he figures he will then inherit the house and vehicle(s). By lashing out at you, he is trying to get you to move out so that he will have free run when the time comes. From the post, I assume he is not an only child (you mentioned a brother Mark), so hopefully your grandparents don't leave him anything. Maybe that will be the wake-up call he needs.

From what I have read of your posts, it seems like you are a very well-rounded person, with a good head on your shoulders: it's a shame they didn't do as good a job of raising their son as they have raising you.

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Originally Posted by bcr229

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds to me like you need to move out ASAP. Your grandparents either can't or won't change status quo - if their son uses them it's because they permit it. There's certainly no reason for their loser son to change his life. So, all you can control are your actions.

Save up your cash and rent a room somewhere, and in the meantime secure any valuables that you have in the house so the druggie doesn't steal your stuff to pay for his habit.

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A friend and his coworker will be renting a 3 bedroom town house and have allowed me to have a room. Because of my collection of snakes, they're willing to give ME the master bedroom. Although it may not be till July or August, but it will give me plenty of time to save up.

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Originally Posted by Kensa

Sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sorry you have these issues to deal with in life. Unfortunately, no one is immune to the trials and tribulations that come along.

As the previous poster has said, the son really has no reason to change his behaviour if your grandparents don't force him to. If they keep enabling his behaviour nothing will change. All you can do is take your situation and make the best of it, or move out. Don't allow his words to influence your self-esteem or cause you to change your behaviours. A man who is old enough to have a 16 year old daughter should be more than capable of renting (or even owning) his own residence, and be able to support at least himself, let alone his dependents.

It sounds to me as though he is hanging out in his dungeon until your grandparents are no longer around, as he figures he will then inherit the house and vehicle(s). By lashing out at you, he is trying to get you to move out so that he will have free run when the time comes. From the post, I assume he is not an only child (you mentioned a brother Mark), so hopefully your grandparents don't leave him anything. Maybe that will be the wake-up call he needs.

From what I have read of your posts, it seems like you are a very well-rounded person, with a good head on your shoulders: it's a shame they didn't do as good a job of raising their son as they have raising you.

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He's delusional. Once my grandfather passes, grandma will be selling the house and getting her own apartment. I don't know how he hasn't heard her mention it the millions of times she's said it. Also, there's a mortgage, so even if she DID leave him the house, there's no way he could afford it.

My aunt, grandmothers sister, says that my grandmother is scared of her son. I guess he reminds her of their father. Everyone in the family wants him out.

I'm glad to hear that you have a plan for your own place. And yes, it does sound like he is delusional.

By the sounds of it, you would be looking for your own place eventually anyway when your grandma moves into an apartment. This just gives you more of a reason to speed up the process.

Hope you don't end up moving the weekend of August 24-25th: WCRE in Red Deer that weekend. With the few expos we get here in Alberta, I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss the biggest one :)

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Originally Posted by Kensa

I'm glad to hear that you have a plan for your own place. And yes, it does sound like he is delusional.

By the sounds of it, you would be looking for your own place eventually anyway when your grandma moves into an apartment. This just gives you more of a reason to speed up the process.

Hope you don't end up moving the weekend of August 24-25th: WCRE in Red Deer that weekend. With the few expos we get here in Alberta, I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss the biggest one :)

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Why hello, fellow Albertan. I WILL be at the WCRE. I have already booked my hotel and my grandmother and I will definitely be there :)

Glad to hear it! I have lots of family in Red Deer, so I won't be needing to spend money on a hotel room fortunately. Maybe we will bump into each other.

And I find it really great that your grandma shares a passion for this hobby with you!

Contact your local equivalent of Department of Human and Family Services. I'm not sure about Canada (a quick google search indicates that there are laws there too to protect the elderly), but in the United States, DHS will step in on situations like this just like they would if a child was being abused.

Whether or not your grandma's situation would meet the legal definition of abuse, I'm not sure. If a report is made and someone looks into it, they may find that you're uncle is just a jerk and not in fact an abuser. If this is the case, they won't take any kind of legal action. But it would still open the door for your grandparents to utilize the system to learn that this isn't cool and it isn't acceptable. I'm sure grandma would be put in touch with groups or individuals who are dealing with the same thing that would help give her the courage to stand up for herself.

Abuse isn't just physically beating someone. What you've laid out here is obviously a very condensed version of what's been happening over the last few years and the proper authorities may very well find that your uncle is harming your grandparents and in turn force him to move out of their home.

I agree with everyone who suggests that you should remove yourself from the situation too. However, I know how much you love your grandma and regardless of what you're saying here, I don't believe for one second that you could move out and leave her there with him without taking steps to ensure that she's ok. So, this is just a suggestion of what you could maybe do to help with that.

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

Contact your local equivalent of Department of Human and Family Services. I'm not sure about Canada (a quick google search indicates that there are laws there too to protect the elderly), but in the United States, DHS will step in on situations like this just like they would if a child was being abused.

Whether or not your grandma's situation would meet the legal definition of abuse, I'm not sure. If a report is made and someone looks into it, they may find that you're uncle is just a jerk and not in fact an abuser. If this is the case, they won't take any kind of legal action. But it would still open the door for your grandparents to utilize the system to learn that this isn't cool and it isn't acceptable. I'm sure grandma would be put in touch with groups or individuals who are dealing with the same thing that would help give her the courage to stand up for herself.

Abuse isn't just physically beating someone. What you've laid out here is obviously a very condensed version of what's been happening over the last few years and the proper authorities may very well find that your uncle is harming your grandparents and in turn force him to move out of their home.

I agree with everyone who suggests that you should remove yourself from the situation too. However, I know how much you love your grandma and regardless of what you're saying here, I don't believe for one second that you could move out and leave her there with him without taking steps to ensure that she's ok. So, this is just a suggestion of what you could maybe do to help with that.

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I wasn't trying to cuss right there. I didn't realize you can't say "a whole".

Thanks Brandi, I'll definitely be looking into that.

I just came home from work and see he's taken grandmas van again and is making the 2 hour drive to go pick up his drugs with his daughter. Seems grandma will be needing to put more gas in the vehicle again.

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

Thanks Brandi, I'll definitely be looking into that.

I just came home from work and see he's taken grandmas van again and is making the 2 hour drive to go pick up his drugs with his daughter. Seems grandma will be needing to put more gas in the vehicle again.

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You guys should all move while he's gone! Is it two hours each way? Better get goin'! :P

Oh how I wish we could. Grandma has wanted to sell the house before but my grandfather wants to die in this house, or so he says.

Just for the record, I'll list the things he's done from the top of my head.

-destroyed the basement suite that MY dad built for grandma. (he's destroyed 3 doors, busted the walls, allowed his children to draw all over the walls, broke the stove, dishwasher, and washing machine and dryer)
-physically attacked one of her kids
-verbally abuses everyone, including his own daughter
-gets grandma to buy him food, smokes, drugs and even made her buy him a new washer and dryer
-smokes drugs and cigarettes in the house even after grandma got a doctors note saying it was affecting my grandfathers help
-eats her food, drinks her coffee
-makes grandma buy HIS cat food, or he steals food I buy for MY cat
-has broken the riding lawn mower every time he's driven it
-buys his underage daughter alcohol and allows her and her friends to have parties in the house
-tried to GROW drugs in grandmas backyard
-uses her vehicle constantly but never pays for gas
-goes to the food bank even though he has more than enough money to buy his own food
-will buy a new tv, ps3, drugs, computer, hunting bow, fishing gear, but won't pay anything to grandma
-grandma pays for his kids cell phone
-has freaked out at his kids birthday party because they were cooking "his food" and not grandmas.
-once got angry and kicked a hole in grandmas hallway

This is just off the top of my head.

Maybe something to consider doing would be to anonymously get the police involved when you know he has drugs in his possession. Or even better yet, if he is not insured under your grandparents on the vehicle, report it stolen when he takes it (unfortunately, this will have to be done by grandma/grandpa as they are the owner). Or two birds, one stone: grand theft auto AND drug possession when he takes your grandma's van to pick up his drugs. Kind of an ignorant thing to do to a 'family member' (and I use that term lightly in this situation), but maybe a criminal record and probation may help improve his attitude. And if not, multiple offences ending with a stint in prison may bring him to realize the errors of his ways. Even though the Canadian justice system is extremely flawed, but that is a discussion for another time..

Or you can always just leave status quo as is, and move out. But this doesn't really help your grandparents with the situation they are in.

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

I just came home from work and see he's taken grandmas van again and is making the 2 hour drive to go pick up his drugs with his daughter. Seems grandma will be needing to put more gas in the vehicle again.

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Call the cops, give the plate #, van description, and likely route, and have him picked up on the return trip. No one is a perfect driver, if the cop wants to pull you over eventually you will screw up and give him a reason to make a traffic stop (this is US, not sure about how it works in CA).

Wish I could help you out.....................
Sounds more like you need a friend to set him straight.

OMG lady! Wow.... I am with the others on here, get your own place ASAP. And make sure you have that room SECURED. Esp if theyre going to let you keep your snakes. Make absolutely sure your guaranteed that room. It would suck if they 1. last minute changed their mind and gave it to someone else 2. Decided they don't want the snakes there. And like others said, you cant change anyone in that house. Your Grandmother has accepted her sons behavior cuz she CHOSE to. If she didn't tolerate it, shed have him arrested a long time ago. And HE has to change. No one else can make him. So, as soon as humanly possible, get outta there girlie! Change of environment is a type of therapy all in itself. ;) PM if you need to talk/vent...you can text me too.

Well, I think you should move out too. That would be the best for you. Get out of the situation. Except that still leaves him using your grandma. She's the only one who can change that, and she has allowed him to do it. But I also know how much you love grandma, and I know she would miss you. Something really needs to be done about that piece of work. I would suggest involving the police, with the threats he has made, & prior violence. Perhaps a restraining order would be issued, and he would have to move out. I know you don't want to upset grandma, but I think those are your choices. Just move out, or create waves and try to do something about it. I think a good place to start would be a good long serious sit down talk with grandma. Tell her everything you've told us. How you feel about it all, your concerns. Be open. Explain what he is doing is damaging your family. Tell her there are things you guys can do to get rid of him. Make sure she knows this is serious. That you need to move out because of it, but are worried for her and the others. Maybe she doesn't see how serious it is. Or doesn't want too. I hope everything works out for the best for you guys. :(

I'm certain it's criminal of him to be providing alcohol to his underage daughter too. Knock out a ton of problems at once by reporting him for giving alcohol to minors some time when you know she's been drinking. You could potentially get him out of your grandparent's house AND maybe help his daughter get her life straightened out before it's too late for her and she winds up just like him.

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Originally Posted by SaintTawny

I'm certain it's criminal of him to be providing alcohol to his underage daughter too. Knock out a ton of problems at once by reporting him for giving alcohol to minors some time when you know she's been drinking. You could potentially get him out of your grandparent's house AND maybe help his daughter get her life straightened out before it's too late for her and she winds up just like him.

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Depending where you live, it is not necessarily illegal to give your own "child" alcohol in your home before age 21.

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Originally Posted by Annarose15

Depending where you live, it is not necessarily illegal to give your own "child" alcohol in your home before age 21.

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I was just gunna say this. Its legal in some parts of the US. :gj:

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

I was just gunna say this. Its legal in some parts of the US. :gj:

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God Bless America! :)

Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I've contacted family services to see what they suggest, and one day soon (not just yet) ill be sitting grandma down and telling it to her straight.

:( That doesn't sound like a good situation for your grandparents at all. Unfortunately people are allowed to make their own decisions including letting people take advantage of them. You could talk to your grandparents about your concern, but if they chose to live that way that's their prerogative. Sometimes you just have to step back, take care of yourself, and let people figure it out on their own. BUT, if it's a serious problem, you can report this situation as dependent adult abuse. It will be a report as abuse by their son and abuse by themselves. DHS will step in and make sure your grandparents are in a safe situation and since it would be a dependent adult abuse case they may not have a choice as to whether or not they should change, it's different than a domestic abuse case.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

I was just gunna say this. Its legal in some parts of the US. :gj:

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PS, basically every state allows underage drinking with parental consent

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Anyone who plans to supply alcohol to a minor in their home will need to get permission from the young person's parent or legal guardian.

Permission can be given verbally or in writing - but the person who will supply the alcohol needs to be very confident that they have the permission they need from the parent responsible. This is because if there is a question about whether permission had been given, the person who supplied the alcohol will need to prove that they had permission.

And even if you have permission from parents to supply alcohol, it's important to remember that if you don't serve alcohol responsibly, you may be breaking other laws and breaching your duty of care.

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from http://www.teendrinkinglaw.vic.gov.a...ts/the_law.php

and here's the long list of what exactly is or isn't legal, pretty much anything with consent in 43 states
http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.r...ourceID=002591

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Originally Posted by Annarose15

God Bless America! :)

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Lmao!!!

Sent from my H866C using Tapatalk 2

It seems in Alberta it's okay. But he gives them enough to get plastered.

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

It seems in Alberta it's okay. But he gives them enough to get plastered.

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Call the cops during one of their little parties when he's letting his daughters' friends get drunk. It may be legal to give your own child alcohol, but I'm positive it's not okay to give it to her underage friends. He'll get busted as the enabler.

I have no sympathy for a guy like your "uncle". Do what you need to to get him out. Like others have said, call the cops when you know he's going to get drugs. Have them ready and waiting for him at your house. Call in a stolen vehicle report. I dunno how things work in Canada, but I'm pretty sure drugs and grand theft auto aren't legal there.

I'll have to wait till he goes again. But I think I'll do it.

Update:
His daughter thought it would be funny to put me up on a website where you give "dirt" on a person and then people can comment.

She said things such as my tattoos are bad, I have STDs, and need to be put down by the pound.

She was retarded enough to do this at school where someone said that she and her friends were putting me up and he confirmed it was her.

My grandma and aunt went to the school today to talk to the principal. Seems the principal already knew, hmmm.

He had to call my uncle for permission to talk about her, he denied it then promptly called my grandmother who was in the office at the time and screamed and freaked out on her. The principal heard everything.

When grandma got home she and her sister went downstairs.

She told him he has to move out.

Yay for being adopted!! Both my younger brother and I are...and one of my close friends and co-workers had half of her siblings and herself all adopted out of Ethiopia (six of them)!!

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Originally Posted by OsirisRa32

Yay for being adopted!! Both my younger brother and I are...and one of my close friends and co-workers had half of her siblings and herself all adopted out of Ethiopia (six of them)!!

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Yeah, my uncle thought he could try to break me by saying that no one loves me, etc.

No offense to children with their biological parents, but I was brought up to believe I'm special. I wasn't an "accident" or something planned. I was CHOSEN. They didnt have to adopt me. Adoption isn't something that can be forced. I was loved enough that they went through the process of adoption and chose ME!

I dunno, I was always told I was adopted and dont think of it as a big deal.

I'm glad to hear that your grandma finally stepped up and told her son he has to move out. Hopefully she sticks to her guns and forces him out.

That is really pathetic what his daughter did to you. Unfortunately, the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Looks like she is right in line to be a 'winner' just like dear old dad.

So sorry to hear your story, I hope your grandmother goes on with it and pushes him out. Remember stick with her and keep supporting her and telling her about the things he does. Still sit down with her and talk to her about it, don't let her get scared/be afraid of this situation and let him win. He sounds like an awful person and he needs to be removed before it starts affecting you even more.

Not sure about in Canada, but in the US you can't just tell someone to "move out" and put their stuff on the street if he's lived somewhere long enough to be considered a resident. If your uncle doesn't leave you can help your grandma by finding out what's required legally for a formal eviction.

He never signed a lease, and doesn't pay rent so he's not a "tenant".

Things are going well. He should be gone soon. After she was able to spit it out that he has to move, I think she no longer fears him.

She's actually been talking about allowing me to keep my ASFs downstairs now once he's gone.

Yea if someone never signed the lease and doesn't pay rent, and is basically living with you out of the kindness of your heart you can throw them and all their stuff out. I'm talking the US, I've done it before one buddy thought he'd call the cops an have them force me into letting him stay another night. Cops got there I told them its my house he's been crashing on the couch for a month since his divorce, dudes drinking and has pushed me to the edge, no longer welcome in my house dont care what he or anybody says its my house he's not welcome. He spent 72 hrs in the drunk tank.
Glad your grandma stood up to him Bobba! I hate ppl that are like that their no good for anyone and use friendships or family as tools to help them be losers. So no more rat van soon?

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

He never signed a lease, and doesn't pay rent so he's not a "tenant".

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It varies by state in the US - some let people establish residency in just a week, others it's 30 days, whether or not there is a formal lease. This is why I suggested learning the eviction process in your area. Of course, if the druggie doesn't know that your grandma can't just toss his sorry rear end out the door, I certainly wouldn't tell him. ;)

Once he's gone change the locks on the house and the car.

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Originally Posted by carlson

Yea if someone never signed the lease and doesn't pay rent, and is basically living with you out of the kindness of your heart you can throw them and all their stuff out. I'm talking the US, I've done it before one buddy thought he'd call the cops an have them force me into letting him stay another night.

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The cops that came out are stupid to civil matters;) PD doesn't enforce any civil matters, they diffuse the situation how ever they can. Depending on your state they define the "resident" time. You are lucky he didn't take you to civil court and sue you for illegal eviction.

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Originally Posted by PitOnTheProwl

The cops that came out are stupid to civil matters;) PD doesn't enforce any civil matters, they diffuse the situation how ever they can. Depending on your state they define the "resident" time. You are lucky he didn't take you to civil court and sue you for illegal eviction.

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How can you be a resident if out of the kindness of my heart I let you sleep on my couch? He paid no rent broke more than a few things, an didnt have more than a back pack. Far as I see it I own where I live your not a resident unless I have said this is where you live, if I say you can crash on my couch for a couple weeks while you find your own place. This isn't your residency this is a I'm being nice. Not trying to sound like a jerk ha just confused, I understand residency an I think it's a month in Minnesota. But from what I understood it was a you had to be living there have your things there, pay rent or have some kind of stake in that house some how not being someone who's aloud to sleep on the couch a few nights? Bah feel like I'm rambling trying to understand sorry

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Originally Posted by carlson

How can you be a resident if out of the kindness of my heart I let you sleep on my couch? He paid no rent broke more than a few things, an didnt have more than a back pack. Far as I see it I own where I live your not a resident unless I have said this is where you live, if I say you can crash on my couch for a couple weeks while you find your own place. This isn't your residency this is a I'm being nice. Not trying to sound like a jerk ha just confused, I understand residency an I think it's a month in Minnesota. But from what I understood it was a you had to be living there have your things there, pay rent or have some kind of stake in that house some how not being someone who's aloud to sleep on the couch a few nights? Bah feel like I'm rambling trying to understand sorry

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If you read the OP, the druggie uncle has lived in the house for five years, not just a few days or weeks. So, forcing him to leave could require Grandma to seek a formal eviction IF the druggie uncle is smart enough to force her down that path. That is why I suggested the OP learn the legal process to get it done.In your particular case most likely your friend (or ex-friend) wasn't present long enough to be classified a resident, but you do have to be careful about being kind in the future. You wouldn't be the first person where "a few nights on the couch" stretched out to a few weeks, then a month, then the mail starts arriving and the driving license gets changed, and you have a real problem on your hands.

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

Im an adopted child. My grandmother fostered me since I was 7 days old. She tried to adopt me when I was older, but they told her she was too old. Basically she got her daughter to adopt me so they could keep me:

My grandmother is a wonderful person, but hates confrontation.

5 years ago she let her son, his wife and 3 kids move into her basement. Since then, they broke up and his wife and two kids now live in town.

Her son is a despicable person. He claims he can't work because he hurt his neck. The government gives him over $1500. He doesn't work, just sits downstairs, plays video games, watches tv, and smokes drugs and cigarettes.

He has no respect for my grandparents. My grandfather is 87, and his health is failing. No one in the house smokes other than him and myself but I go outside. Grandma even had a doctors note saying the smoke isn't good for my grandfather but he still continues.

He makes my grandmother buy him food, smokes, and he uses her vehicle, on HER gas. He doesn't do anything around the house.

He comes upstairs and drinks all the coffee she buys for the Kerig. He doesn't buy any, but drinks all the ones she buys for papa.

He's even physically attacked his brother when Kirk (the brother) was drunk. Which resulted in Kirk falling down a flight of stairs.

He has a 16 year old daughter who lives with him. She's basically his slave. She cooks, cleans, and looks after him. He pays her back with alcohol and drugs.

Yesterday he came after me. Told me I'm trash, I'm useless, no one loves me and they all feel sorry for me. Says I'm fat and lazy and threatened to beat me.

She heard everything and did nothing.

I'm at the point where I just want to leave. My dilemma is that he will be able to continue using her without having someone there. He truly believes its HIS house.

I don't know what I expect for a response. I guess I just need to vent. I'm stressed, and angry.

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First off, I'm sorry to hear this. That sucks and hopefully I can give you some kind of idea at least.

What I would do is call the cops and tell them that you think he's selling/making drugs and he threatened to do you bodily harm if you said anything, and make sure that you say you feared for your life, that exact wording has a way with law enforcement. When they come and search his room, they find drugs, hopefully it's something besides weed or enough of it to convict him. Now while I don't really deal with the cops because honestly the law is ignorant most of the time, I am however a Correctional Officer. I'm sure I'll catch hell for that, but you know what, if you can get him out of that house, and away from them then it was worth it. Best of luck man.

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Originally Posted by bcr229

If you read the OP, the druggie uncle has lived in the house for five years, not just a few days or weeks. So, forcing him to leave could require Grandma to seek a formal eviction IF the druggie uncle is smart enough to force her down that path. That is why I suggested the OP learn the legal process to get it done.In your particular case most likely your friend (or ex-friend) wasn't present long enough to be classified a resident, but you do have to be careful about being kind in the future. You wouldn't be the first person where "a few nights on the couch" stretched out to a few weeks, then a month, then the mail starts arriving and the driving license gets changed, and you have a real problem on your hands.

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Thanks was just confused. I know what's been up ha sorry I derailed everything!

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

Contact your local equivalent of Department of Human and Family Services. I'm not sure about Canada (a quick google search indicates that there are laws there too to protect the elderly), but in the United States, DHS will step in on situations like this just like they would if a child was being abused.

Whether or not your grandma's situation would meet the legal definition of abuse, I'm not sure. If a report is made and someone looks into it, they may find that you're uncle is just a jerk and not in fact an abuser. If this is the case, they won't take any kind of legal action. But it would still open the door for your grandparents to utilize the system to learn that this isn't cool and it isn't acceptable. I'm sure grandma would be put in touch with groups or individuals who are dealing with the same thing that would help give her the courage to stand up for herself.

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Supplying drugs and alcohol to a minor (his daughter) is most definitely child abuse, or at least endangerment.

Well i think you should not leave her alone now because she was with you when you were alone but now its your turn to stay with her. I think you also love her so you should not leave that home.