I think it should be a rule....

That you should only be allowed to chastise someone about their pet care practices if you are also going to offer suggestions/advice.

"What the crap is she talking about," you ask?

I fairly often on here see threads started asking for help. Usually, the poster receives several answers to the original question. But they are often also met with mild hostility without an offer of what they should be doing differently. Sometimes it's blatant, and sometimes it's disguised as an innocent question, but very obviously a dig. For example, there was a thread in General BPs recently where the poster wanted to know what to do about a BP that had been bitten by a boa. Many people posted asking why they were housed together. It's a legitimate question, sure. But why ask it if you don't have anything of substance to offer? If you don't know enough about the topic to offer something he/she can use, then do you know enough about the topic to criticize?

There was another thread in the Care-something section about a snake that had died. Someone "innocently" asked, "Is this the one that was housed with the _______?" That was it. No offer of condolences or anything.

What is the point in doing that? I'm not opposed to expressing concern over someone else's practices, but you should tell them point blank that you think they are doing it wrong, tell them why, tell them how to do it "right", and then answer the question they are asking if you can. If you are just replying to a post to make someone feel worse about a bad situation, that isn't very nice.

I screw up about every five minutes, more often on a bad day. I can take criticism over what a screw-up I am, but only if it's combined with genuine concern and desire to help me.

I'm just saying that I think some of us could be a little more compassionate and help solve the problem before jumping right to, "Well, you stupid jack ass, what did you expect??" I guess I think you should buy the right to question someone's practices and the currency should be input related to the question they are asking.

Off-Topics and direct requests for opinions are different. Those are fair game.

I know just what you are saying, I just had a post like that earlier. I asked a question that I was unsure about and the first response was "its a no brainer" with absolutely no feedback whatsoever. What can ya do about it though, at least there were other posts with more helpful feedback. No real answer to my question, I suspect that many people may by uncritically accepting what information they like and don't like to be questioned. There is also the downward social appraisal effect where people may feel better about themselves by comparing themselves to others that are not as smart or nuanced in the "reptile world". As long as I get info that I can use I will keep coming back anyway.

I agree to an extent, but at some point (like the boa bit python thread) common sense needs to kick in somewhere. There are times, like humidity concerns or feeding schedules, that many people should keep their unrelated "dig" to themselves. I do it quite often, when a newer member shares a picture and you see something their doing "wrong" in their tank in the background. There are other times when, like the boa bit python thread, that someone needs to nut up or shut up and just ask "What the :cens0r: were you thinking?".

Had a guy last night, actually, post in a local to me reptile classifieds/sharing group on FB post that he got his first snake (a retic. Yeah, a RETIC) and the person who sold it didn't mention it was "mean". He wanted to "trade it for a boa or other python or something. i cant have a mean snake". Everyone before me offered help and that that's how baby retic's are, this that and the other. So, I prefaced my response with "I'll be the harsh one then". I proceeded to tell him it was wise that he does not acquire any other snake at all (in the best case) and that he should look into corn snakes, they'd be more on his level. Just beat this kids brow into the ground for the poor, uneducated decision he made. He got hiffy and left the group, after claiming that our group was "bull:cens0r:" and that I could take my ":cens0r:" else where. I did reference, many times, that what he did reflected poorly on everyone and that for the sake of my hobby to do his research next time.

Just beat his brow for it. And, in situations like that, it has to be done. But, I agree that many times people are a little hostile on larger forums. At some point, it stops being about the individual member because you're so large one person's nay-say isn't going to affect the forum in any consequential way.

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

That you should only be allowed to chastise someone about their pet care practices if you are also going to offer suggestions/advice.

"What the crap is she talking about," you ask?

I fairly often on here see threads started asking for help. Usually, the poster receives several answers to the original question. But they are often also met with mild hostility without an offer of what they should be doing differently. Sometimes it's blatant, and sometimes it's disguised as an innocent question, but very obviously a dig. For example, there was a thread in General BPs recently where the poster wanted to know what to do about a BP that had been bitten by a boa. Many people posted asking why they were housed together. It's a legitimate question, sure. But why ask it if you don't have anything of substance to offer? If you don't know enough about the topic to offer something he/she can use, then do you know enough about the topic to criticize?

There was another thread in the Care-something section about a snake that had died. Someone "innocently" asked, "Is this the one that was housed with the _______?" That was it. No offer of condolences or anything.

What is the point in doing that? I'm not opposed to expressing concern over someone else's practices, but you should tell them point blank that you think they are doing it wrong, tell them why, tell them how to do it "right", and then answer the question they are asking if you can. If you are just replying to a post to make someone feel worse about a bad situation, that isn't very nice.

I screw up about every five minutes, more often on a bad day. I can take criticism over what a screw-up I am, but only if it's combined with genuine concern and desire to help me.

I'm just saying that I think some of us could be a little more compassionate and help solve the problem before jumping right to, "Well, you stupid jack ass, what did you expect??" I guess I think you should buy the right to question someone's practices and the currency should be input related to the question they are asking.

Off-Topics and direct requests for opinions are different. Those are fair game.

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Welcome to reptile forums, where everyone is a professional and knows more than the next person. Then POOF in a month or too theyre gone onto other interests:gj:

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Originally Posted by Kodieh

I agree to an extent, but at some point (like the boa bit python thread) common sense needs to kick in somewhere. There are times, like humidity concerns or feeding schedules, that many people should keep their unrelated "dig" to themselves. I do it quite often, when a newer member shares a picture and you see something their doing "wrong" in their tank in the background. There are other times when, like the boa bit python thread, that someone needs to nut up or shut up and just ask "What the :cens0r: were you thinking?".

Had a guy last night, actually, post in a local to me reptile classifieds/sharing group on FB post that he got his first snake (a retic. Yeah, a RETIC) and the person who sold it didn't mention it was "mean". He wanted to "trade it for a boa or other python or something. i cant have a mean snake". Everyone before me offered help and that that's how baby retic's are, this that and the other. So, I prefaced my response with "I'll be the harsh one then". I proceeded to tell him it was wise that he does not acquire any other snake at all (in the best case) and that he should look into corn snakes, they'd be more on his level. Just beat this kids brow into the ground for the poor, uneducated decision he made. He got hiffy and left the group, after claiming that our group was "bull:cens0r:" and that I could take my ":cens0r:" else where. I did reference, many times, that what he did reflected poorly on everyone and that for the sake of my hobby to do his research next time.

Just beat his brow for it. And, in situations like that, it has to be done. But, I agree that many times people are a little hostile on larger forums. At some point, it stops being about the individual member because you're so large one person's nay-say isn't going to affect the forum in any consequential way.

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In reply to part one, referencing the Python/Boa thread, I disagree. I don't think anyone "needs" to ask, "What were you thinking?" and leave it at that. If someone wants to know what this person was thinking, of course it's their right to ask. It is a public forum afterall. I'm just saying that it isn't necessary to ask at the time, unless the answer to that question holds the key to the helpful response. For example, the first thing people almost always ask is, "What is your temp/humidity? How are you measuring?" This is a necessary question because the answer may hold the answer to the OPs question. When someone says, "My snake is doing _______ because it was bitten by a boa, what should I do?" There is no necessary information to be found in the question, "Why were they housed together?"

As for the Retic-Boy on Facebook, I didn't see the exchange so I obviously don't know what I think about it. Based on the information you've given, it sounds like you simply (maybe aggressively) told someone that a Retic is not a good beginner snake and that said person should do some research before getting ANY snake. If I'm correct, I agree with you for speaking up, even if you probably didn't say it the way I may have :) It sounds like opinions were asked for. If this is the case, you offered an opinion.

When someone says, "A rat bit my snake and it's bleeding, what do I do?" In my opinion, "Why do you feed live?" is not an appropriate or helpful response. Do you see the difference?

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

In reply to part one, referencing the Python/Boa thread, I disagree. I don't think anyone "needs" to ask, "What were you thinking?" and leave it at that. If someone wants to know what this person was thinking, of course it's their right to ask. It is a public forum afterall. I'm just saying that it isn't necessary to ask at the time, unless the answer to that question holds the key to the helpful response. For example, the first thing people almost always ask is, "What is your temp/humidity? How are you measuring?" This is a necessary question because the answer may hold the answer to the OPs question. When someone says, "My snake is doing _______ because it was bitten by a boa, what should I do?" There is no necessary information to be found in the question, "Why were they housed together?"

As for the Retic-Boy on Facebook, I didn't see the exchange so I obviously don't know what I think about it. Based on the information you've given, it sounds like you simply (maybe aggressively) told someone that a Retic is not a good beginner snake and that said person should do some research before getting ANY snake. If I'm correct, I agree with you for speaking up, even if you probably didn't say it the way I may have :) It sounds like opinions were asked for. If this is the case, you offered an opinion.

When someone says, "A rat bit my snake and it's bleeding, what do I do?" In my opinion, "Why do you feed live?" is not an appropriate or helpful response. Do you see the difference?

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Yes, I agree, redundancies are redundant. Obviously the person is feeding live, how could a frozen rat bite! ;) So, I suppose maybe you're into a different strand than I am on the subject. But, all in all, I'm right there with you. If we're not here to help, and help nicely, why exist?

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Originally Posted by Kodieh

Yes, I agree, redundancies are redundant. Obviously the person is feeding live, how could a frozen rat bite! ;) So, I suppose maybe you're into a different strand than I am on the subject. But, all in all, I'm right there with you. If we're not here to help, and help nicely, why exist?

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Um...."Why do you feed live?" is different than, "Why? Do you feed live?"

Really, more than anything, I'm just happy to see that you're all for helping and helping nicely :)

I think you have good idea but the biggest problem with it is just flat out people being people: that being there are always going to be blatant idiots that go "Ooohh snake I'm gonna buy it" versus the (thankfully) majority of us that do the research and understand their requirements before taking possession and care of the animal.

I agree with the common sense thing too... if even without any research at all you're still too dull to realize that 2 different animals that come from 2 different continents and ecosystems (and even as a 2nd grader I had enough common sense to see the difference) yet still decide to house them together then you're just asking for it; especially if you only start to question your decision and seek help after a problem had arisen from it. Remember: True idiots have to be told and proven they're idiots before they might even start see it. (I just made that up, feel free to quote it; duty free :P)

And even with the live feeding I'd be willing to bet that there are more people that keep a single snake (probably poorly) and feed it live because "Durrrr my snake just kilt that there rat" than even the majority that do it responsibly and have the live feeders available to make it a convenient alternative. Even between my gf's and my collections we only have to feed 2 live and I consider it a pain more than anything because I don't want to keep enough rodents in our current place to even sustain that. So when either of us aquires a new snake and it takes F/T we consider it a win.

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Originally Posted by devildog_dk

True idiots have to be told and proven they're idiots before they might even start see it. (I just made that up, feel free to quote it; duty free :P)

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There's no way I'm using that.

Not sure if you're joking or not, but I was.

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Originally Posted by devildog_dk

"Durrrr my snake just kilt that there rat"

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I might use that.

What the "heroes" fail to realize, time and time again, is that the overwhelming majority of casual snake owners either don't know about or simply just don't care about the existence of forums like these. So quite often, when a newcomer stumbles across this site with issues, they line up to slap them in the face, and then maybe offer a reasonable suggestion. Sometimes I'm glad I've owned snakes quite a few years before I ever stumbled upon a forum...if I'd been greeted with some of the "help" I see offered here at times, I may have never come back.

Now, I'll admit that what I just said isn't entirely fair, as there are far more helpful people on here and other forums than there aren't. But boy, what owning a snake for a year and reading through a bunch of forum posts can do to some people! Sometimes it just seems some people would rather flaunt their "knowledge" than offer anything of actual substance.

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Originally Posted by devildog_dk

Not sure if you're joking or not, but I was.

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Ha Ha...yes, joking. Always joking.

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Originally Posted by RobNJ

What the "heroes" fail to realize, time and time again, is that the overwhelming majority of casual snake owners either don't know about or simply just don't care about the existence of forums like these. So quite often, when a newcomer stumbles across this site with issues, they line up to slap them in the face, and then maybe offer a reasonable suggestion. Sometimes I'm glad I've owned snakes quite a few years before I ever stumbled upon a forum...if I'd been greeted with some of the "help" I see offered here at times, I may have never come back.

Now, I'll admit that what I just said isn't entirely fair, as there are far more helpful people on here and other forums than there aren't. But boy, what owning a snake for a year and reading through a bunch of forum posts can do to some people! Sometimes it just seems some people would rather flaunt their "knowledge" than offer anything of actual substance.

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I agree with you too, but can you honestly say that the newbie people that come to a forum with at least some inkling of intuition and common sense (even if they are naïve, but that's not necessarily their fault) are regarded the same way at those come at it like they "can't have possibly done anything wrong" and anyone that points that out is obviously a know it all and picking on them? In my eyes there's a big difference there and it can usually be spotted on even their first post.

Sure, it goes both ways...

Such as the case of the fellow who told the tale that we're all basically (paraphrasing) abusing our snakes because we use storage containers for enclosures.

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If someone (new or not, experienced or naive) is being a jerk, that's an entirely different thing. My original point was that when someone asks for help, offer help or leave it alone, basically. When someone is clearly upset by their situation, regardless of who or what is to blame, the humane thing to do is to keep your non-contributing thoughts to yourself until the situation is resolved.

If you want to post a new thread later, or send them a private message to ask why they made a stupid decision, that's cool. Just don't chime in with, "Your own fault, JackWagon!" and then not offer anything further.

Now, if you're trying to help and you're met with complete reluctance to even consider that you might know more than someone who has a cousin with a friend who used to read ball python books in study hall in the eighth grade, that's different. I'm only talking about the initial interaction.

I just think people could be a little nicer. That's all.

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

If someone (new or not, experienced or naive) is being a jerk, that's an entirely different thing. My original point was that when someone asks for help, offer help or leave it alone, basically. When someone is clearly upset by their situation, regardless of who or what is to blame, the humane thing to do is to keep your non-contributing thoughts to yourself until the situation is resolved.

If you want to post a new thread later, or send them a private message to ask why they made a stupid decision, that's cool. Just don't chime in with, "Your own fault, JackWagon!" and then not offer anything further.

Now, if you're trying to help and you're met with complete reluctance to even consider that you might know more than someone who has a cousin with a friend who used to read ball python books in study hall in the eighth grade, that's different. I'm only talking about the initial interaction.

I just think people could be a little nicer. That's all.

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Maybe I took the thread off tangent a little bit but that's what I was getting at as well: someone that just honestly wants help for their animal deserves it, and I agree with you.

I will disagree that someone unintelligent enough that borderline abuses an animal because they're too stupid to know better (and given general consensus even people scared of snakes know what is good and not good for them more or less *roughly* do), then those people should be met with a 2x4...

[personal opinion ahead not site policy]

Well.

The way I see it is we are here to try and help the animal and the keeper.

Being rude or endlessly repeating the information/ insults in a previous post does neither.

Chasing someone away means they never get to learn and their animal never gets an improved life.

There are days, and threads, when I read and can only think of "You're an idiot" when searching for a reply - at that point I decide not to post ( well mostly :oops: ).

There are enough people on here that it's ok to leave it to someone else if you are not feeling tactful that day.

It is also worth remembering that what you see as common sense is probably coming from a more informed place than that of someone who knows little about snakes. Remember that and ask yourself how common it would seem to you if they were asking what to do with a star nosed mole or a pink hairy armadillo.

And if 20 people have insulted someone already sit on your hands or take a walk but don't be number 21.

[/personal opinion ahead not site policy]

I totally agree, I have kept several different types of reptiles, since the late 80's, from Corns to Burms and I, by no means, think I know everything. Not even close. When I first joined this forum I had a question about breeding and I mis-used one tiny word, "Normal" and the thread ran away on that. I really like this forum but you hit the nail right on the head, I think some questions go un-asked because no one wants to be blasted.:colbert:

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Originally Posted by iCandiBallPythons

Welcome to reptile forums, where everyone is a professional and knows more than the next person. Then POOF in a month or too theyre gone onto other interests:gj:

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Correction: EVERY forum

I think it should be a law.... Stupid people shouldnt reproduce. If you are so thin skinned that some random stranger hurts your feelings by pointing out that you did something dumb then ya get what you deserve. I'm pretty sure they make a pil for that if not probably and app on your Iphone to tell you it'll be ok. lol I normally hide my true first thoughts when replying to a question and try to be polite but theres times when I do just want to dig in and make them squirm for doing something blantantly stupid. Just yesterday I had a guy contact me about getting a bp from me. I tried with all my might to be polite and help him but in the end I told the guy he would never get one of my animals from me. He wanted to replace one that had just passed. so I offered my condolences and asked what happened. I was told that it didnt eat for 3 weeks and then it was dead when he woke up one day. It was an april 2012 baby. I asked about his husbandry. he had the poor thing in a 55 gal fish tank with a 40 watt uv bulb which he turned off at night and a sheet for a hide. That was the entire set up. he even sent a pic of it. bare tank, wire lid, 1 dome light, and an old sheet. I tried to explain the basic things needed for a bp to thrive. He was like well i'll get a 75 watt bulb and let it run 24/7 that should make it warm enough right. After 45 minutes of trying to convince this guy what the animal needed and what he was suggesting just wouldnt cut it I lost my patience and flat out told him to not contact me for any animal. I'm prett sure my exact words were "you moron if you wont care for it properly you have no f@$*ing right to own a pet snake! lose my # I will never sell you an animal" Not my finest moment but really after so long trying to convince him to do the right thing I just couldnt take it anymore. I even told him to show me a reciept for the supplies I suggested he needed and i'd give him 25% off the animal he wanted. any way think i've gotten off topic....

Would the next rule you're considering, OP and those who agree with her, be that we all must wear red hats on mondays and blue socks on tuesdays? That we eat no meat on wednesdays and consume no sugar on fridays? That perhaps we only acknowledge your version as deity?

I suppose, as an alternative to restrictive rules for those with thin skin, one could simply learn to accept that not everyone is going to be all sunshine and daisies all the time and that they may well have a good solid reason for it that no one but that person is aware of.

Eh, this thread is not new, or THIS thread is new, but it's question is far from it. Some folks, myself included, prefer our freedom of expression and may just use it to means that not all you pablum pumpers understand.

Mmm...Pablum... :) Although I agree that there is room for more manners in the world, perhaps people should be expected to think for themselves as well? Yes, we are here to discuss our passion and help others with a similar interest. However, there's a reason I don't teach kindergarten and don't like bottle feeding anyone past puberty.

I don't think it should be a rule, I don't even like the no expletive rule, I just don't like it when people get thier panties in a bunch or act like big shots or tough guys on the internet. Call it a pet peeve.

I'm pretty guilty of speaking my mind here. I can say honestly that I agree with Dr. Del's post as well as Wilomn. I don't find the two sets of commentary to be exclusive of one another.

What peeves me on this forum is something Dr Del mentioned. If 20 other posts say 'you shouldn't house your boa and bp together' do you really need to make post 21? This is how dogma is birthed. It restricts free thought and encourages a mob mentality whereby rational understanding is thrown out the window. The best example of this is the defense of tub an rack systems. I don't have a problem with crapping on someone for failure, but the mob mentality is what makes for an unhealthy atmosphere and what stops the hobby from growing and getting better.

That said, this forum is friendlier and fosters free thought more than most of the internet. Other forums are OUTRAGEOUS.

Perhaps thicker skin is needed. People do after all have the freedom of speech. In the same sense, if you don't like what someone posted, ignore it, don't whine about it. Just my two cents. Way too many people complain about answers and responses they get. Don't ask if you can't handle it.

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I agree, for the most part. Immediate negativity can be, often is, a huge turn off. If the person is TRYING to do right for their animals, then such negativity can cause them to turn off to all opinions, leave the group, or find a nicer but possibly less informed group, and ultimately the animal will be the one to suffer. If the person is TRYING to do right, a teensy bit of sugar coated might be in order to guide them in the right direction and make sure the animal is taken care of. If someone is doing wrong without making any attempt to do right, and shows no interest in listening to any advice, then let them have it!

I am probably still too new to have seen the worst of the worst, but so far what i have seen, the attitude in other animal forums is MUCH MUCH worse! Talk about drama... visit a horse forum! :P

Yeah, there is something to be said on other forums. However, that says more about other forums than it does BPnet.

There's a fine line with everyone, and perhaps a thicker skin is needed. Someone will be upset about filling out a questionnaire just as much as someone else being upset that not everyone knows their setup right off and is insulted by basic questions (like, is the computer turned on? In IT support ;) )

Sent from my SAMSUNG Galaxy SIII using Tapatalk 2

What I find sad about the whole thing, is the woman posting wasn't even the owner of the snakes. People still jumped her, despite the fact that she was clearly trying to get help.

Guess what? When I got into reptiles several years ago, I didn't know that BPs and boas had different requirements. I didn't know that the majority thinks that cohabing is bad. I thought you put the snake in a tank, gave it a hide, gave it a water bowl, and tossed it a mouse.

I'm fairly sure that if I had gotten her sort of welcoming, it would have driven me completely out of reptiles.

People are going to want to know why you can't keep two different species together rather than just being told that you can't. Stop treating every new person here like they're a troll, or that they should know what they're doing. I highly, highly doubt that everyone here had all the knowledge they have now the moment they stepped into the reptile world. Don't even bother bringing up google, either. We all know there's a number of websites out there that give poor/false information that tout themselves as being truth.

I didn't literally mean there should be a rule. I meant that (and someone alluded to this) it wouldn't kill us to be more polite to each other. Sure, you have the right to post a rude, mute response, but just because you have that right doesn't necessarily mean you should exercise it.

Most of you who disagree with me are actually among the people whose opinions here I respect, along with your no-crap approach to relaying that advice. I'm not saying that you should sugar coat everything you say and coddle people because you don't want to hurt their feelings. There are people who are just more abrasive than others and there are people who are more sensitive than others. I don't think it's realistic or fair to expect everyone to communicate the same way, we're all different people.

Knock people down if that's your personality, just extend a hand to help them up before you walk away.

I don't believe in making "rules" that restrict free thought or free speech, but I agree that people in general could use more tact.

I also feel like the purpose of a forum is to come together as a community and to share knowledge in hopes of contributing to the community and helping people who may not have the knowledge and experience others do. What's the point in making a post solely to "brow beat" a user or posting negative comments about someone or something without offering any suggestions that might help? Does it make you feel better about yourself that you can hide behind your keyboard being rude, insulting and tearing other people down? I guess that's what some people get off on... It takes all kinds...

But, I will also add that on this forum, I think for every one of the non-contributing, bully types, there are five people who genuinely care and try to help.

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

Knock people down if that's your personality, just extend a hand to help them up before you walk away.

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New rule?

How about this- we all do as we all wish and the powers that be will let handle the rest, either modifying what needs modification or whatever action they deem necessary.

Post away, make your points, say your says and leave it at that. Most here are able to decide for themselves what they want to do and why they want to do it.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

New rule?

How about this- we all do as we all wish and the powers that be will let handle the rest, either modifying what needs modification or whatever action they deem necessary.

Post away, make your points, say your says and leave it at that. Most here are able to decide for themselves what they want to do and why they want to do it.

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Did you miss the part where I said I didn't mean, "It should be a rule..." literally?

I agree, but sometimes it gets tiring answering the SAME basic questions that you really should know BEFORE you get a snake. Even if you don't find the caresheets on here before you get one, a simple Google search will answer your basic questions, and just looking at the first page of all the subforums will usually find you your answer.

I harken back to the common sense comments, but what everyone needs to acknowledge is that while this may be the umpteenth time you seen and answered this question, it is only the first time this person has asked it.

Brandi isn't referring to people who post threads like "I want ball python, what should I know about them?" but people genuinely needing help. Like, humidity in tank not great, tips needed. Or, I want to build a rack, what material is better x or y? Those kind of things, I think everyone's quick to jump down her throat for "defending" effortlessness when she really is defending the people who are trying in some respect.

Sent from my SAMSUNG Galaxy SIII using Tapatalk 2

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Originally Posted by xFenrir

I agree, but sometimes it gets tiring answering the SAME basic questions that you really should know BEFORE you get a snake. Even if you don't find the caresheets on here before you get one, a simple Google search will answer your basic questions, and just looking at the first page of all the subforums will usually find you your answer.

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I agree with this completely! Even as someone totally new and inexperienced, I see, "Help! Stuck Shed!" and I think to myself, "Really? This again?" So I understand that it must be incredibly frustrating for people who have extensive knowledge and have been at this for years to constantly be bombarded with the same questions that are very easily answered.

At the same time, I think a lot of new people know that they can easily find what they're looking for but they want to ask on the forum because they want to make their presence known and gradually melt into the group. When you're new, you just don't have the new and cool questions and comments that are interesting to the more advanced members.

There is also a lot of conflicting information out there and one might come across a thread written 5 years ago with the prevailing wisdom at the time that is now frowned upon. I have found "caresheets" for bps with conflicting information, I have been quite happy since I found this forum so I can ask questions from those with more knowledge and experience and is is generally quite nice.

Overall, if the goal is behavior modification then shaming/guilting someone that asks a question in earnest may not be the best approach. If ones goal is to be mean to someone for not being as smart and knowledgable, then bashing may be the right approach.

When I come accross threads with critisism like that I ignore them and move on to different threads. I also find the digs unnecissary and rude. Those threads, I think, scare people from posting. It seems like a sort of culture on here though, people "like" those comments more. Thanks for speaking up about it, I don't agree with it either.

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It's the way of the world, some people are nice some people not so much. I also think there is so much room for interpretation in text that people can come of as rude or mean even if they had no intention in doing so.

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Originally Posted by Rob

I also think there is so much room for interpretation in text that people can come of as rude or mean even if they had no intention in doing so.

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I tend to respond in very direct language. I find if someone is acting out of ignorance that brevity and simple language is the best way to communicate with them. I'm also a wildly sarcastic person by nature. These things combined requires you to be thick skinned to be my friend in real life and makes me look flat out rude on the net. I don't really care much because I value the opinions of the people that can cut through the nonsense and understand what I'm saying. In a lot of cases, especially with people who are.. let's call it 'prone to ignorance,' I have found sarcasm to be very effective in encouraging them to reconsider a different perspective. Sometimes people need their own irony shoved in their face to see its flaws. To other people, that approach breaks their fragile little ego. I think those people should toughen up and I will consider myself instrumental in their acclimation to world. Very high and mighty of me, I know. /soapbox

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Originally Posted by MrLang

I'm also a wildly sarcastic person by nature.

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Same here, generally people I'm writing to actually know me and get my humor. But yeah in forums people can get the wrong idea lol

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Originally Posted by MrLang

I tend to respond in very direct language. I find if someone is acting out of ignorance that brevity and simple language is the best way to communicate with them. I'm also a wildly sarcastic person by nature. These things combined requires you to be thick skinned to be my friend in real life and makes me look flat out rude on the net. I don't really care much because I value the opinions of the people that can cut through the nonsense and understand what I'm saying. In a lot of cases, especially with people who are.. let's call it 'prone to ignorance,' I have found sarcasm to be very effective in encouraging them to reconsider a different perspective. Sometimes people need their own irony shoved in their face to see its flaws. To other people, that approach breaks their fragile little ego. I think those people should toughen up and I will consider myself instrumental in their acclimation to world. Very high and mighty of me, I know. /soapbox

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You are actually one of the people whose posts I like to read. I don't think you're rude, I think you're just to-the-point. There is a big difference between stating what you need to state in a matter-of-fact manner and being a jerk off just to be a jerk off.

I know a lot of very nice people who communicate the way you do, and they certainly take some warming up to. But that doesn't mean they're jerky people. I am not personally offended when someone acts like an ass to me. Like you, I have a pretty sarcastic nature and attitudes don't bother me too much. But I try to take into account when dealing with people (especially strangers) that not everyone is like me and some people are easily offended. Not to mention that some of the people who post here are younger kids.

I just think people should be nice until they are given a reason not to be! Is that too much to ask!?! (that was a pretend cyber-freak-out, not a real one. So don't quote it and tell me I'm too thin skinned)

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Originally Posted by BrandiR

I agree with this completely! Even as someone totally new and inexperienced, I see, "Help! Stuck Shed!" and I think to myself, "Really? This again?" So I understand that it must be incredibly frustrating for people who have extensive knowledge and have been at this for years to constantly be bombarded with the same questions that are very easily answered.

At the same time, I think a lot of new people know that they can easily find what they're looking for but they want to ask on the forum because they want to make their presence known and gradually melt into the group. When you're new, you just don't have the new and cool questions and comments that are interesting to the more advanced members.

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I can kinda see that point, and it doesn't usually bother me. It's the ones that come on and ask the basics, then get all offended when people tell them they're doing something wrong. "no im ttly doin everyting rite wut r u talkin about? ur all (insert insult here)" and all that niceness.

Honestly, I watched and lurked for MONTHS, and I only started posting when I got my first BP. First I would post pictures, then I would comment on other people's pictures or would share my opinion on how cool owning a snake was. It was only about half a year to a year before I actually started giving serious advice, because by then I could answer basic questions confidently and I knew some of the lesser-known questions.