Think I'm going to take a break from snakes for a while

I've been talking with my wife some about this recently and I think I'm going to walk away from the snake scene for a while. She is completely terrified of having them around, and it doesn't help that her parents always bring up snake killing people. Even tho i try to explain to her that it comes from poor owners and there housing and feeding. It is effecting our newly marriage slightly. I don't exactly know how long, but I am going to give my brother my male and female Red Blood Pythons. I was hoping to pair them for the first time this year but, my leave that up to him. I have other pets and my pic up something new after my brother take the bloods.

No offense meant at all, but this is probably one of the reasons I prefer being single. I would get so peeved if my partner had a negative affect on my reptile keeping. :oops: I hope it all works out, though, and it's nice to know your brother can take care of your babies and you can still visit them?

That sucks, but if it's putting a strain on your marriage... I guess you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I was in a relationship about 5 years ago in which I had to give up my snakes at the time (a handful of normal ball pythons). Love makes you do silly things. Fortunately for me it wasn't something as permanent as marriage. When that relationship collapsed, I got back into it, and with the collection I have today, there ain't no woman that'll come between me and my snakes.

Hopefully you'll be able to get back into it as well (with your marriage intact :P). Maybe a man-cave's in your future!

Mark

I think your doing the right thing. Marriage isn't easy, especially a new marriage. You have to make concessions for each other. She might come around to it after a while, if you don't respect her wishes it could cause some resentment. If snakes mean more to you than youre wife than choose the snakes, if you love her like (I assume) you say you do, you should make her comfortable. When your marriage progresses so will trust and that means that she will begin to trust you and your abilities to know what is safe for your household. My wife and I have been through a lot and we have made lots of concessions. Everything we have compromised on are now things we have done for each other. It's a beautiful thing. :D

I'm sorry to hear that my ex-wife was the same way now I am blessed to have an amazing girl who loves my snakes as much as I do.

i was gonna say something but no matter how i put it,it would just sound mean.
if it feels genuinely right and you cant work it out then you gotta do what you gotta do.
best of luck,and your bro is cool.

I know when I showed my husband that I loved him more than my snakes, he never said a word about how many reptiles I have ever again. Now I have snakes, lizards, and participate in falconry and wildlife rehab. Now, his only concern is that I don't spread myself too thin, now that I'm pregnant.

Sometimes marriage takes sacrifice. I know when we got married, I asked my hubby to limit some of his video game spending. Which he did. And I limited my reptile spending. Now we're about to buy a house and we're welcoming a new baby in August. :D

Point is, relationships do take work and if you do love each other, then you'll do the work. Is there something she spends a lot of money on? Something that you wish she'd limit? I think having her compromise on something would help your situation a bit. I don't think that's too much to ask of her.

I wish you both the best of luck. I hope you and your new wife have as much fun as my husband and I do. :)

I started letting my wife be around baby snakes or snakes that were small and just a few.
Plus she knew how much i enjoyed them , she slowly came around .

Lferg posted a really good comment just remember resentment is a two way street. You need to be open to her feelings and she to yours. It is about balance, somewhere you will need to find balance that you both are happy with. That is the really hard part, balance without resentment. No answers here just hard won experience, I hope that everything works out well for you. Best wishes!
Alex

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Originally Posted by thewesterngate

No offense meant at all, but this is probably one of the reasons I prefer being single. I would get so peeved if my partner had a negative affect on my reptile keeping. :oops: I hope it all works out, though, and it's nice to know your brother can take care of your babies and you can still visit them?

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I agree id be pissed too, i honestly cant date anyone who isnt into reptiles or at least doesnt mind them...
Sucks dude..

Thanks for the comments and not flaming me for this. It is what I feel I need to do. And if I don't keep anymore in the future then I'll be fine with that they can't show me the love like my wife does.

Thats a hard choice. If she knew about your pets and love for reptiles before getting married thats not right to make you choose.

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Originally Posted by bruster

Thanks for the comments and not flaming me for this. It is what I feel I need to do. And if I don't keep anymore in the future then I'll be fine with that they can't show me the love like my wife does.

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Fantastic point you've made. No matter how much I love my (ridiculous amount of) animals, if I had someone I truly loved and knew I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, I'd give up some of my pets if they asked me to. I understand the whole argument of your significant other being understanding of your passion, but if they genuinely frighten her then that is quite different.
Connections with your animals are great, but human companionship and true love are far greater, in my opinion.

Thats a rough decision to make BUT you gotta do what you gotta do .... MY Wife HATES and is Terrified of my snakes but she tolerates them. Maybe a break will be ok and she will see how much you miss them. Another thing that made my wife feel better was me locking the racks with wire ties and now that I have a room for them keeping the door locked ....but I dont know why she wants the door locked they arent going to be able to turn the handle. lol

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Originally Posted by bruster

Thanks for the comments and not flaming me for this. It is what I feel I need to do. And if I don't keep anymore in the future then I'll be fine with that they can't show me the love like my wife does.

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As long as you can avoid resenting her for making you give them up. My approach to the in laws would be to overreact. Try to make them as uncomfortable as they make you and they will stop bringing it up. You of course need the support of your wife for this. My fiancee and I agree that we are a team even if it means we have to turn on our family from time to time. She is my number one priority until we have kids. Sometimes I see in laws try to create issues where there doesn't need to be any and a strong united front is the best defense against that in my opinion.

You gotta do what you gotta do brotha. Sometimes we gotta make those tough kinda decisions. It's all about compromise and sometimes sacrificing. Good luck to ya.

You know there could be another side to the story. Do what you have to do for now and maybe she will come around and enjoy them at a later date.
I had snakes when I was a kid and after I got married wanted to get back into it. My wife said no way, we are not having snakes in this house. After quiet awhile one day she came home and said I got you an early Christmas present let's go get it. Well it was an adopted full grown BP and since then we have added 2 more and I am still shopping. She has gotten to where she will even handle them now and helps take care of them when I am gone...
Just saying you never know so dont give up all hope...

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Originally Posted by grits

Thats a hard choice. If she knew about your pets and love for reptiles before getting married thats not right to make you choose.

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Shea not making me choose her or the snakes, we talked some last night and she understands my facination by them, with her having a biology degree. But is terrified of them being in the house even with the enncloser having locks. I know I'll be able to have other reptile like lizard and frogs. Recently I have come very interested in Pac man frogs and bearded dragons.

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Originally Posted by bruster

Shea not making me choose her or the snakes, we talked some last night and she understands my facination by them, with her having a biology degree. But is terrified of them being in the house even with the enncloser having locks. I know I'll be able to have other reptile like lizard and frogs. Recently I have come very interested in Pac man frogs and bearded dragons.

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its always sad to me to see irrational fears. It sounds like her parents just raised her to hate snakes. I don't mean that they went out of their way to ingrain the fear or anything just that they didn't do anything to stop irrational fears. My mother is a bit creaped out by snakes. She once asked me jokingly "How did I raise a snake lover?" I vary seriously answered her, "You taught me to be fearless, and inquisitive. You showed me that things most people consider impossible are trivial if you apply yourself. You raised me around horses which taught me how to respect animals and that a little pain is part of loving and caring for animals. That young boy you raised picked up his first garter snake and was intrigued. He had no fear of snakes for what could a garter snake do compared to a horse. He started reading about snakes and was hooked."

A snake is a lizard without legs. Nothing to be afraid of. I wish it were easier to deal with irrational fear.

Thanks, I have gone without having snakes before only for about 2 years, i\I'm only 26 and have plenty of time. So I know this isn't going to kill me and resent her for having a fear of them and not being comfortable with them. They are taking up our only spare room right now and the is a small problem for future. Hopefully if we move and buy or build a bigger house I can try for a small room in the garage area. My brother wont be back for sea til July after that I will just become even closer buddies to my friend that breeds balls, boas, and is considering to breed some bloods and use that to fill what void may be there.

I guess I'm one of the lucky girls born loving reptiles, and even luckier my boyfriend loves 'em too. :love:

I think you're making the right choice, your marriage is important. It might sound cold to your snakes, but you can always get another one if she comes around, or even possibly get your Bloods back from your brother. Maybe she doesn't like the size, and you could get something smaller; I've heard Bloods are pretty big/girthy. Compromise goes a long way, and she might feel comfortable down the line getting a baby Ball or Cornsnake. :)

I think you are doing the right thing.

It's okay to let her know you love her by respecting her wishes here. And it's also okay to let her know WHY you are doing it. Something like, " Honey, I know that my snakes make you uncomfortable, so I'm willing to let them go if it makes you feel better."

If she knows you care about her feelings and respect her wishes, she's going to be a lot more likely to come around in time. If she feels like you resent her for it, or that you are only doing it to "shut her up" so to speak, she is not likely to want them back, ever.

My husband hunts, a LOT. I used to make his life miserable over it. I gave him guilt trips, to him he didn't love me, oh I was a real {another word for a female dog}. He resented me for the way I was, but it didn't stop me. The thing was, he wouldn't stop hunting. No matter how much of a baby I was, or how badly I made him feel, he wouldn't stop it completely. I did succeed in making him go less often, but not stop. We fought over that for years and years. Eventually, I grew up some and stopped being such a pain.

While I accept him going now, I still hate it that he's gone so much. So it's kind of an uneasy truce. I still believe if we had gone about it better, if I had been more mature and he'd been willing to respect my wishes, it would have helped our relationship a great deal.

Gale