A little of what I have been dealing with lately!!

http://www.fox11az.com/news/local/Sa...118545244.html

A friend of mine wrote this a bit ago. I think it's got some good stuff in it. Hope it helps.
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The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.

Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target

Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wilomn

A friend of mine wrote this a bit ago. I think it's got some good stuff in it. Hope it helps.
_________________________________________________________________________

The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.

Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target

Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

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All of these points are good in theory, but if a child is being bullied, nothing is going to stop them. In my experience with bullies, they only stopped once we got older and they got into football, sports, cars and girls. I'm overweight, always have been, but being different doesn't give them, plus 20 other boys (they were all boys, no girls) an excuse to steal my backpack, throw rocks at me, beat me up at school and follow me home.

If a parents goes to the school, the teachers can stop the bullying in class, but what can they do during lunch and breaks? Or what can teachers do to punish the kids who write terrible things in books about people, like was done to me? In extreme situations, like in the video, I would only have 2 recommendations:

1) speak to the parents of the bullier
2) take your kid out of school

I know the last one is a bit extreme, but I'm 27 and I STILL have nightmares about school; and I'm NOT a sissy. It takes a lot to upset me, make me mad, hurt my feelings, but a lot of the things that were done to me when I was young have had life-long effects and I would never want my child (if I had one) to suffer through that.

Sometimes you just have to kick someones ass or at least make the attempt. It's as plain and simple as that.

However, as the above poster proves, not everyone is capable of doing so.

I suspect parents may have been lacking in the self-confidence giving part of their child rearing responsibilities in cases such as this. I am not casting blame, especially since this is all supposition, however, I have worked with kids for many many years, in my roundabout way, I have seen with my own eyes how this works.

I can agree with you Sheena... I had bullying severe enough I had to be taken out of my school in my freshman year. I was going to a new school--a private christian school we had heard good things about. The bullying actually started with a teacher who had sort of taken over the school--if the principal said one thing and she said another...her word was law and he would change the rule to what she wanted. She wasn't nice, she used scare tactics and she made a lot of kids cry for no good reason. She would tell elementary kids their parents were going to go to hell. Seriously??? Well, she took a disliking for me. I love broadway musicals and so my family and I went to go see Wicked..She found out. Suddenly the school started an anti witchcraft campaign and she announced on the loudspeaker that I was practicing devil worshiping. She tried to force me into counceling, convinced all of the older teachers I was a lost cause(one of which just would cry when she saw me.) The other kids would laugh at me or be afraid of me. My grades in that teachers class started to fall for stupid reasons. I would lose points in a fill in the blank homework sheet because I didn't capitalize a word when it was the first in a sentence, or if I wrote to messily, or if I changed pens/pencils halfway through an assignment. Not just 5 points off or something, but like, 30 or more. I had to leave that school. It's been years and I still can't listen to music from Wicked without feeling sick.

But of course the next school I switched to I ended up being bullied by the kids, it was a clique-ish school and since I didn't arrive at the beginning of the year, I missed out on all of the cliques..even the 'we hate cliques' clique, lol! It wasn't too bad, just some pranks pulled on me and some nicknames, but I have enough self confidence that regular bullying doesn't bother me as much, even now..I know I'm a big girl. But I know I am attractive and I know my boyfriend of nearly three years loves me, my family loves me, and I have some of the best friends and pets I could ever ask for. So I don't care if someone who I don't like anyway decides to pick on me.

Thankfully I never had to deal with physical bullying, that would not have gone over well, and I HATE when kids resort to that sort of action. It's unacceptable. And I agree with you in that video.. It shouldn't be tolerated and it shouldn't take hundreds of people speaking out to stop it! We have a zero tolerance on everything else, why is it so hard to have zero tolerance on bullying?

When I was getting picked on at the bus stop (3rd grade), my dad approached the kid and explained that if he ever touched me or my sister again, that he would personally kick his dads arse (which in such a trashy household would result in the kid getting his butt whooped as well)
Long story short, the kids dad came out the next morning, got into it with my dad, ----insert your own assumption--- and that pile of trash never even looked at me or my sister again.

Parents take no responsibility anymore on either side of these cases. People rely too heavily on the schools to raise their children. If my kid was getting bullied, I wouldn't be writing a letter to the school. I'd be paying a (civil) visit to the other kids parents.

I can't begin to imagine how hard that must be as a parent. My fiancée is a Student Advocate at our local high school and I can tell you this kind of thing would not happen here. We have a zero tolerance policy and from what I saw in the video this is beyond a school issue. This is a police matter. Sure there are a lot of tactics that kids can use to not be a target of bullying but as a civilized society we should be protecting those that can not protect themselves. The school should remove the bully and that should be that. I can tell you that it takes more time and effort to handle these things but as a tax payer I am happy to pay the premium if it stops bullying.

I myself was the Australian kid who got bullied. I was 5'8" 180 pounds in 6th grade, taking a 2 hour taekwondo lesson twice a week. I had two physical bullies in my life (no verbal, they didn't stand a chance against me). The first one I avoided successfully and the problem went away. The second one pushed me till threw him, he bounced off a wall, I put a knee on his throat and told him next time I won't go so easy on him. That was in 10th grade. I haven't lashed out in violence since. I played Rugby all through college and never got in a fight. I apparently talked to the wrong woman at a bagel shop after a night out at the bars and walked outside to 5 frat boys wanting to kick my ass. I avoided the conflict till someone said something that put me over the edge. I told one of them I would fight him but he looked like he couldn't punch himself out of a paper bag. He punched me square in the jaw. I laughed and told him to be careful I almost dropped my bagel. He punched me one more time before the cop I had seen over their shoulders got the cuffs on him. They spent the night in the drunk tank. I went home and slept like a baby.

I was really lucky. I have always been a big guy. You would think that little guys would not pick on the bigger ones but thats not necessarily the case. Its like you grow up but nobody notices. I went from being a little husky to just plain big. My bully was a kid I knew from 6th grade when I was more fat than muscle. We definitely need teachers and parents to step in for those kids that can't or just don't want to stand up to their bullies.

Thank you so much for your posts. This is a parenting issue most definetly but the fact it has not been dealt with at a school level is quite frankly illegal. I first and foremost started with the parents. However that did not work as their child is clearly a "golden" child and would NEVER do that. :rolleyes: I even had the hubby take over with them.....yea no ...still one hundred and one excuses. Then the teacher....then the principle...still no help and all the while it had turned very physical.

I agree with you that have been bullied as I had been as well and it sticks with you forever. Sometimes it does indeed make you stronger but kids are actually comitting suicide over issues like this. Schools always say they have a zero policy.....but what are those policies and procedures?? If you cannot speak to them.....then you do not have them....plain and simple!!!

I know that ppl that are different tend to get picked on. I think with Tristen it is definetly a jealousy thing. He fits in....he was one of the "cool" kids, but he also is an only child that has been blessed with an amazing life. Read into that what you will....basically...hes spoiled. But not a brat and has always been taught do NOT brag about what you have and always share your blessings.

I have a meeting in a few minutes with the district superintendant in regards to the situation. We will see from there. I am definetly NOT sending him to that school next year and have already targeted a great charter school for him for next year. However depending on the outcome of these meetings....he may be ending sooner than later.

As for Tristen he is in a mixed martial arts program that is amazing. They have really embraced his situation. It teaches him self defense, confidence, respect and it also gives him a release for his frustrations.

I have personally been on both sides of this type of situation. It started by me being bullied. I was push, slapped, beat, and teased to no end until I could no longer take the abuse. At that point I just snapped, and started to fight back. The biggest problem with this was that it felt so good to be standing up for myself I found myself behaving exactly as those that I felt wronged me. I was truly torn with my behavior, but with some outside help I came to realize that I did have self worth and did not have to treat others badly to make myself feel better. I am truly sorry for the individuals that I bullied, and have managed to apologize to most of them. While many feel that bulling is part of life it is not acceptable in any way. If there is no stand made against bulling by changes in school policies the cycle will just continue.

I was never physically bullied but I did go through a period of emotional abuse from people I called friends in middle school. It took me a while to get over the emotional abuse. But I separated myself from them, and ignored them. Physical abuse isn't so easy as just separate them I don't think. I could ignore them saying things, but someone pulling out hair or scratching faces is much harder to ignore. It's stunning that when a child is bleeding from scratches on their face or arms that the teachers ignored it. When I was in elementary, middle and high school, there were always at least three teachers in all areas where students congregated before/after school to avoid fights, vandalism and bullying, but I didn't go to school in the best areas so it was expected. I wish you the best of luck speaking to the Assistant Superintendent! Suggest that the schools keep teachers outside until students leave to supervise if you get another chance to speak to someone in charge.

I was bullied in kindergarten and first grade by the same boy. At first it was just pinches but in the first grade he had two other boys from my class pin me against the fence while he kicked me in the shins. He got in trouble and left me alone after that. I was lucky I never really got bullied after that.

My dad came over earlier this week and told me something that made me want to cry. A friend of his he works with had to make an emergency trip to Colorado a few weeks ago. His niece hung herself. She killed herself because she was getting bullied. I guess someone was bullying her online and her family never even knew anything was wrong.

Alot of good points made. Unfortunately, bullies quickly learn to adapt to the school's anti-bullying stance. It's a vicious cycle that will probably never go away entirely. I agree with Wilomn that being passive and keeping to ones self, empowers the bully even more. It even makes them more aggressive towards you and bolder in regards to when and where they choose to lash out. I know this from experience, I was bullied alot growing up in school. And I can tell you that it didn't stop until my high school years when I decided enough was enough and took some frustrations out in the halls (wasn't doing the "after school" song and dance). Did I do the right thing? In alot of eyes, probably not. In my eyes, I should have done it a long time before I did. Yeah it gave me a rep as being a bit unstable, but hey, it worked. It's a tough situation to be in.

As a parent myself now, I can understand the frustration you must be going through. I also commend you on taking a stance. I have always taught my children to stick up for themselves and also taught them to stick together. If one see's the other getting picked on, jump right in. I received a note two years back stating that my son threw another boy on the ground at recess. I spoke to my son and let him know that he better not be bullying anyone. Turns out the school neglected to mention the other boy had been bending my sons fingers back to inflict pain. I apologized to my son and wrote the school a note back letting them know that I do not tolerate bullying and that if they do not police it, my boy will police himself. I have not received another such note since. In my OP, schools and parents of bullies need to wake up and quit turning a blind eye. Just my 2+ cents.

Having read all of these posts, I'd like to give my point of view. Due to my life experiecnes, I've had to deal with both sides. I will tell you that in the end, the ONLY way this is going to go away is for Tristen to fight the boy. Even if he gets his butt kicked, the bully will not stop until he's forced to. Being a bully is not about hurting someone, it's about controlling another person. This is usually brought on by issues within the family. I won't get into that part of it.

The bully feels a need to control someone, anyone. So he finds someone that won't fight back and that person will become his fixation. Rarely will a bully pick on more than one person at a time. This can occur, but is caused by another issue.

The bully usually will continue picking on his "victim" until that person fights back. Then the control is gone. The bully will then go on to someone else.

A bully usually isn't a very physical person, they use intimidation at first, then when they are certain the "subject" won't fight back, the physicality will start.

Invite the bully to the gym and "settle this like men". Maybe just by being defiant, the bully will go one to his next victim.

This issue will not stop until one or the other kids leaves the school or the bully is put into his place. Many times the father of the bully is a very controlling person leaving the son to feel inferior to his father and the only way he can gain back some self worth is to control another person.

I'll stop now, i tend to run on sometimes.

Michelle, good luck. I'm sorry this has gone on as long as it has. I remember you posting a message last year that your son was being bullied and you got no support from the staff at that school. I didn't realize this was an ongoing problem. I thought for sure the issue was finally taken care of. Again, I'm sorry your family has to go through this. It is a shame you had to go to the press with this issue.

Take Care!
Jim Smith

I'm so sorry for your problems. As so many here bullying was a part of my growing up. However looking back I will have to say it was different. Name calling, pushing you around, tripping in the hall etc. But what you describe isn't bullying in my book. Missing hair, scratches etc. speaks of out and out assault. It could escalate into much worse. I personally would hold both the parents and the school responsible for the acts. P.S. Photograph the injuries and discuss charges with the D.A. Perhaps a visit from the police to the parents would do wonders...

It amazes me that this has become such an issue. When I grew up ( mind you I am 41 ) we had kids that were picked on in school, but NEVER to the extent it seems it has become today. And I went to school in a major city with a large school population.

We just had a 16 y/o girl commit suicide about a month ago here due to being bullied. She not only endured it at school, but with repeated phone calls, internet harrassment, and kids showing up at places she was at. I am hard pressed to think of ANYTHING that would make me want to take my own life at 16 ( and I was abused for years before that age ).

I think a large part of what is going on is the fact that parents are so much more lenient today then in my or my parents day, and some plan out do not care. If I screwed up bad enough in school, not only did I get spanked by the principal, when I got home my mom gave me another AND then I got another when she told my dad when he got home! And I THINK I grew up to be a normal person with no ill side effects from the few spankings I got when I was a kid. Now, god forbid a teacher lay a hand on a kid. A major lawsuit, someone being fired and not once is it addressed on what the kid did to get punished in the first place.

Today kids are barely even punished it seems. And, at least around here, it seems kids have zero respect for authority. Just going to a grocery store and hearing how kids talk to their parents makes me cringe. My mom would have made my rear end sore for a week if I ever even THOUGHT of telling her to shut up! Let alone calling her a B*^@) .

I hope that your son gets these kids off his back and that he can be a normal kid and enjoy life without some idiots making his school days rough. No kid deserves to be fearful of going to school.

I was bullied big time mainly because I never was much of a sheep. If you dont follow the norm, you generally are going to get bullied. In anycase, I was passive because I am not a violent guy. This went on until grade 11when I finally had enough. One day I decided to throw a punch as hard as I could at the bullies stomach when he was poking fun at me. The fear in his cowardly eyes still makes me smile. He flinched by my punch and blocked it by chance. I was never bullied again. Bullies are always cowards. They almost only pick on those that won't fight back because they want to feel powerful. They are usually the biggest victims themselves. They come from horrible families and are often sexually abused by family members. They lose so much power at home, they try to gain it back at school.

Being older, I have seen the parents of many of the bullies. Most of them are completely useless human beings. Drug abusers, often with mental problems. They drive 25 year cars and usually live in trailers or cheap rentals. I used to hate bullies and wish they were dead when I was a kid. As an adult, I just feel sorry that the sad cycle has to continue.

My advise to your son is to get him into sports. Take him to the gym to work out. Build confidence outside of school.

i didnt watch the video but i know the pain of being bullied all too well.
my 6th grade year was as bad as it can get with the constant daily snickers, remarks, shoves, pinches, hair pulling, head slapping...& that's most of what was happening on the good days. 99% of the stuff was done out of sight from the teachers & playground supervisors and what happened on the playground was blatantly ignored by school personnel.
there's things that happened that i'm failing to mention here but it's best pointed out that even when threatened by my dad who was a cop, the school still failed to do anything about my bullies. my parents tried to have me transferred to another school but their efforts were turned down cuz it ended up being too late in the year and the other schools didnt want to go through the hassle.
i pity the kids being bullied just as much as the bullies themselves because more often then not the bullies are usually coming from very unstable home situations and the only way they've learned to cope with their feelings is to pick on someone. a kid is not born a bully, they're taught to be that way, usually influenced by their parents.
it's a sad, sick, twisted, dillusioned world we live in but the best we can do really, is to just try to get through every day doing the best and being the best that we can be despite what life throws at us.

self defense classes are a good idea. have him do mixed martial arts and boxing :D

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Originally Posted by I<3Dreamsicles

self defense classes are a good idea. have him do mixed martial arts and boxing :D

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I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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Originally Posted by SheenaCamp

I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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shoot them. or just be as cheap as possible.

or just run... lol have him join track too! lol.

in reality its not very likley that 10 bullies will team up. its usually just one kid. or there may be more than one but theyre probably not like doing it together.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SheenaCamp

I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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Swing hard and low, run fast and far.

What you don't do is give up or cry.

I got bullied from kindergarten all the way up until I graduated high school. I was either to smart or just not pretty enough to fit in. I used to be taunted, poked, and punched. This got me to a point where I just wanted to commit suicide when I was 15 years old. One day I just decided that enough was enough and I totally went off. Kids are cruel and like to feel empowered by picking on those who are not likely to fit in. Peer pressure is just to strong and these bullies feel like they have to fit in with the others. I am now a parent of two beautiful daughters and all I can say is that someone does definitley not want to do this to my children or they will see what I will do to stop it. Michelle, I commend you on taking a stand here and trying to put a stop to this. You are a strong woman and a very fine example for your son.

your kid was assaulted, why cannot you not call the police? I could understand the argument of it might look him look like a *insert childish word here* among the other students. But there is a new report out there and it not hard if you live there to figure out who's behind that blurry photo, and who's mom that is. so im sure everyone already knows.

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Originally Posted by OhhWatALoser

your kid was assaulted, why cannot you not call the police? I could understand the argument of it might look him look like a *insert childish word here* among the other students. But there is a new report out there and it not hard if you live there to figure out who's behind that blurry photo, and who's mom that is. so im sure everyone already knows.

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Probably because they are very young kids, and they dont really do anything for kids that young. Because " " " they dont know any better " " "

also yeah now that I think about it fighting back does work. lol. I was always picked on by this one kid who was bigger than me and one day he kept stepping on my heels when we were walking so I just stopped and kicked back as hard as i could and hit him in the leg.

Then we got in a little scuffle. But I dont recall him doing anything to me after that.

I guess this is how your supposed to deal with bullies because usually they dont want a target that fights back...

I would agree with fighting back. Let your children learn Karate, or another martial art. Not only will it help them deal with bullies, but it's a great workout, and eases your mind.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SheenaCamp

I agree, but what does a person do when 10+ kids gang up on them?

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This isn't bullying, this usually will result in a fight. However, if this group is a "Gang", then all bets are off. Gang violence is a completely different issue and one that has to be addressed immediately. Really bad things will come from gang activities.

One on one bullying is one person trying to control another more than that person trying to cause bodily injury. It may infact escalate to bodily harm, but that depends on the "victim" and how long he can "take it".

These days, the victim is not given much help and if they internalize it, the situation can and many time will infact result in the victim taking out their frustration on themselves instead of the bully.

I would recommend anyone being bullied, to seek help in any form that they can. If no one in the school system seems to want to help, then the police need to be called. Document the injuries as sson as possible and don't wait for a convenient time, do it immediately. Many schools have a police officer on premise, contact this officer. File a report, DEMAND a copy of the police report and ask the officer who will be doing the follow up investigation. Get that officer's name and keep on them.

Like Michele did, if nothing seems to be working, the local news channel is probably the last resort. This will get the attention of the local school board.

Hopefully, this situation will be resolved soon, I know Michelle has been dealing with this for some time now.

Jim Smith

The problem with telling him, or anyone to fight back is this: God forbid they lose! It tends to get much much worse for them.

BG likes the fact that you have him taking some self defense classes....pretty sure BG mentioned that a few months ago.

Somehow BG gets the feeling that this is heading the direction of a lawsuit. Hopefully not, but it feels that way to BG.

Everyone in the school knows it's your son in the news. It's probably in his best interest to leave that school now unfortunately. This has the potential to lead to more bullying/teasing from other students. Maybe not if the school handles it well. You certainly got their attention now. Good luck.:gj:

That video breaks my heart. Kids can be so cruel. I was bullied through elementary school, difficult thing to deal with when you're that age. It turned me into a nasty, mean little kid, at home and school. Sometimes, verbal abuse can be harder to deal with as a child than physical bullying.

make friends with a large upper classmen.:D

Oh man this sounds like a terrible mess. I hate to say it, but moving schools might be the only solution. :(

Sorry its been a while...computer issues, not to mention I think I have just been mentally exhausted...lol. Tristen is in a mixed martial arts class now and goes 4 days a week. He loves it and his 2 trainers are actually professional fighters. They have been so great to him and have really embraced him.

As far as the situation I met with the Asst. Superintendant and the meeting went quite well. I have some renewed hope but will not know anything until around Tuesday or Wednesday.

As far as Tristen ...he carries his phone with him and has been instructed to call me with ANYTHING that happens. I am keeping a calendar of all things. As far as the police....they were called and an assualt report was filed, however the police put it back on the school. Which is soooo frustrating!! If I don't feel like this is being handled ....BG is totally correct...a lawsuit will ensue. We are not the type of ppl to do that however if that is what it takes to get them to stand up and listen...then so be it.

Tristen has been so amazing through all of this. He realizes that I am fighting to keep him safe.....and WE are fighting so that other kids in the future don't have to deal with this type of thing.

Tristen will be going to to a different school starting next year. We found an amazing charter school that has a great reputation. Very structured and their academic standards are amazing. I know next year will be a hard adjustment for him but the level of education he will receive is outstanding.

I appreciate all of the advice and all of the well wishes. It really does make a difference when you are fighting an entire establishment.....(to know your not crazy):rolleyes:

That's a great choice, charter school saved my education.

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Originally Posted by BPelizabeth

Sorry its been a while...computer issues, not to mention I think I have just been mentally exhausted...lol. Tristen is in a mixed martial arts class now and goes 4 days a week. He loves it and his 2 trainers are actually professional fighters. They have been so great to him and have really embraced him.

As far as the situation I met with the Asst. Superintendant and the meeting went quite well. I have some renewed hope but will not know anything until around Tuesday or Wednesday.

As far as Tristen ...he carries his phone with him and has been instructed to call me with ANYTHING that happens. I am keeping a calendar of all things. As far as the police....they were called and an assualt report was filed, however the police put it back on the school. Which is soooo frustrating!! If I don't feel like this is being handled ....BG is totally correct...a lawsuit will ensue. We are not the type of ppl to do that however if that is what it takes to get them to stand up and listen...then so be it.

Tristen has been so amazing through all of this. He realizes that I am fighting to keep him safe.....and WE are fighting so that other kids in the future don't have to deal with this type of thing.

Tristen will be going to to a different school starting next year. We found an amazing charter school that has a great reputation. Very structured and their academic standards are amazing. I know next year will be a hard adjustment for him but the level of education he will receive is outstanding.

I appreciate all of the advice and all of the well wishes. It really does make a difference when you are fighting an entire establishment.....(to know your not crazy):rolleyes:

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Isn't he ALWAYS?;):D

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Originally Posted by BPelizabeth

Sorry its been a while...computer issues, not to mention I think I have just been mentally exhausted...lol. Tristen is in a mixed martial arts class now and goes 4 days a week. He loves it and his 2 trainers are actually professional fighters. They have been so great to him and have really embraced him.

As far as the situation I met with the Asst. Superintendant and the meeting went quite well. I have some renewed hope but will not know anything until around Tuesday or Wednesday.

As far as Tristen ...he carries his phone with him and has been instructed to call me with ANYTHING that happens. I am keeping a calendar of all things. As far as the police....they were called and an assualt report was filed, however the police put it back on the school. Which is soooo frustrating!! If I don't feel like this is being handled ....BG is totally correct...a lawsuit will ensue. We are not the type of ppl to do that however if that is what it takes to get them to stand up and listen...then so be it.

Tristen has been so amazing through all of this. He realizes that I am fighting to keep him safe.....and WE are fighting so that other kids in the future don't have to deal with this type of thing.

Tristen will be going to to a different school starting next year. We found an amazing charter school that has a great reputation. Very structured and their academic standards are amazing. I know next year will be a hard adjustment for him but the level of education he will receive is outstanding.

I appreciate all of the advice and all of the well wishes. It really does make a difference when you are fighting an entire establishment.....(to know your not crazy):rolleyes:

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I can't imagine the pain you are your husband are going through. One of the worst fears a parent has is not being able to protect your children. It's a primal fear - there is nothing worse than watching your kid in pain (be it mental or physical) and not being able to get a handle on it.

While taking him to mixed martial arts classes is nice on several levels, it's a palliative. On one hand it can give a great self-esteem boost, on the other, it provides no guarantee that he will be able to successfully defend himself. All bets are off when the real fisticuffs start, and some people can't ever mentally get over that someone wants to do them harm.

If I missed it in a prior post, forgive me, but are you taking him to counseling? From what it sounds like, he's been dealing with a little more than your garden variety bullying. There's probably a great deal he needs to get off his chest.

I'm also wondering what the parents of these other children have to say for themselves. I'm sure your son knows who is bullying him and that the parents of these kids have been notified. I'm curious as to how they've reacted.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

I can't imagine the pain you are your husband are going through. One of the worst fears a parent has is not being able to protect your children. It's a primal fear - there is nothing worse than watching your kid in pain (be it mental or physical) and not being able to get a handle on it.

While taking him to mixed martial arts classes is nice on several levels, it's a palliative. On one hand it can give a great self-esteem boost, on the other, it provides no guarantee that he will be able to successfully defend himself. All bets are off when the real fisticuffs start, and some people can't ever mentally get over that someone wants to do them harm.

If I missed it in a prior post, forgive me, but are you taking him to counseling? From what it sounds like, he's been dealing with a little more than your garden variety bullying. There's probably a great deal he needs to get off his chest.

I'm also wondering what the parents of these other children have to say for themselves. I'm sure your son knows who is bullying him and that the parents of these kids have been notified. I'm curious as to how they've reacted.

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The parents are in total denial. Not MY son...blah blah blah. These parents were friends of ours and I use to babysit their kids. We had problems with him previously as did the parents. In fact he beat up his 13 year sister that was visiting for the summer. Parents of course blamed it on the sister and stated he was bothering him till he finally broke. Sad!! After this summer we really stepped away from our friendship as we watched them constantly make up excuses for his scary behavior. Seriously could go on and on with the stories. I do not have Tristen in counseling but that is probably a really good idea that I should look into.

Ok....now for the update. The district came back to me first with a letter stating false information. Basically it was a cover your butt letter. Then they called and told me that Tristen was bullying this kid 50% of the time. They based this on the fact that Tristen has said things back to the kid after this child did something to him. So now....their idea is NOT to seperate the children....but to teach them to work together. Yea....because that has worked in the past. So basically Tristen has to learn to work with someone that has been violent with him on several occassions. Basically I think they are doing this to cover their butts on a law suit. If they make it look like both boys have done it.....then maybe they are home free. I also think they are setting my son up....so they can build a case against us. I asked the super to look look into past behaviors and grades as Tristen has always been an A-B student with excellent citizenship. He felt that dwelling on the past was not important! UGH

So....here we are with decisions to be made. We are trying currently to figure out what type of attorney to get for this type of situation. I am taking my son out of school immediately and will home school him. I have spoken to his teacher and his grades are strong enough that he will still pass into 5th grade. He also stated he will give me all the work that they will be doing for the next 6 weeks so I can do it at home with him. Won't count towards his grades but at least he will have the knowledge and honestly probably more than what he would learn at school. At this point in the year it is too late to set up a "real" home school or move him to a different school.

At some point I feel like maybe we are teaching my son to run from his problems but on the other hand I feel like we are keeping him safe. I really think that Tristen is being set up by the school to fail to ensure that they would win a case and I just cannot let him be a target anymore.

Find dirt on the principal and past bullying in that school. Go the the next PTA meeting and voice your concerns, get them on public record. Go to your next city council meeting and do the same. If they're playing dirty, well, you're not me but you could probably imagine what I might do in your situation.

Make a BIG sign, put it on top of your car, park in a public place right outside the school. The sign should say something like: Principal SoandSo, or Sauhaurita (can't recall the name of the school) Elementary Allows Bullying.

If you make a big enough stink someone will eventually look to see why. Have you written to your governor yet?

It is normal human behavior. All primates do this. I was bullied in school. So what? Running is not the answer.
Keep him in school and let him deal with it on his own. He may even learn to defend himself.

Once he beats the crap out of the bully things will change for him. More self confidence. Peers will look up to him.
Best part,...bullies will think twice before messing with him. He doesn't even need to win the fight, just put up a good one is all.
Part of growing up.

My 2 cents

Good luck girl! I wouldn't think it's running from the situation. If he's being repeatedly beaten up at school and his teachers/principal/district/etc aren't going to protect him or truly separate him from the bully, then you've got to get him out of the situation. If the school is starting to cover their butt, then it's clear they aren't actually going to even attempt to do anything to actually help your son. If you get a good lawyer, he/she should be able to prove that the letter they sent you is false. A jury won't side against a bullied child. The tough part is getting the bully to confess and not try to flip the story on your son.