Any therapists/counselors here??

Seriously. PM me.

Thanks. And only REAL ones.

And what would this be for?
I doubt there would be any therapists/counselors on a snake forum, maybe try finding one in your area to visit would be the best choice?

You never know Tiffany!

I've thought about studying it, but never persued it. Hope you find someone to help you!

Sorry, nevermind this thread. I found out my fiance cheated, and I was trying to find someone with relationship counseling experience...but, it's over so no need.

Thanks anyways!

Wow, Sorry to hear that. Hope your alright and hanging in there.

Im living and breathing. Three outta three, im getting used to it lol.

Hey ....I have been there. I think my whole life I dated ppl who cheated. This is the best advice I can give you......YOUR PICKER IS BROKEN!! Seriously...you are subconsiously picking ppl that cannot make a true committment. Sounds crazy....but I totally belive it. The ppl I choose were all the same just in different packages. Take a look within and analyze what you are looking for in a mate. It will get better...trust me. I finally took a look and ended up meeting and marrying the greatest guy in the world that I KNOW beyond a doubt would never ever even consider on cheating on me.

Welll, turns out she was playing some kinda game. Pretending to cheat to see if I cared? See my reaction?

Pissed me off. But, it's whatever. Whatever she's gotta do to trust me and my feelings before we get hitched I suppose.

Ouch... I know women are evil, but seriously? That's just... Ew.

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Originally Posted by PyroPython

Welll, turns out she was playing some kinda game. Pretending to cheat to see if I cared? See my reaction?

Pissed me off. But, it's whatever. Whatever she's gotta do to trust me and my feelings before we get hitched I suppose.

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That "game" is not listed in the Mac Bible.... You might have a nut case on your hands here. Id view this as a pre curser to what will come in the future.....

Who does that? Seriously

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Originally Posted by STEW

Id view this as a pre curser to what will come in the future.....

Who does that? Seriously

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+1 :gj:

Yeah. She admits it was pretty much the dumbest thing in the history of life.

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Originally Posted by PyroPython

Welll, turns out she was playing some kinda game. Pretending to cheat to see if I cared? See my reaction?

Pissed me off. But, it's whatever. Whatever she's gotta do to trust me and my feelings before we get hitched I suppose.

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Sorry to be blunt here.If she "pretended" to cheat on you.How are you sure it was just pretend? Maybe since you caught her she is trying not to lose you.My exwife thought i was cheating on her so she cheated.The day i busted her she was VERY shocked when i told her i NEVER cheated once.Word to the wise proceed with caution do not waste 11yrs on a skippy like i did ;).

Yeah, not buying that explanation....
Either way seems just as bad, to me. Hold out for someone sane, or you'll most likely regret it down the road. There are a lot of broken people out there, but they're not all broken.

She showed me her convo with the friend that suggested it. Timestamps all in order. And shes not one to lie. I believe her for the most part. Seeing how i have a child with her, its no time wasted to not have to deal with visitation.

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Originally Posted by PyroPython

She showed me her convo with the friend that suggested it. Timestamps all in order. And shes not one to lie. I believe her for the most part. Seeing how i have a child with her, its no time wasted to not have to deal with visitation.

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Hhmm if her friend suggested this i wonder for what reason :confused:.You say "you believe her for the most part",so something is still not right in your thoughts about it.If she is unsure how you feel about her and needs to pull a stunt like this i would be very concerned.I know its your decision but dont stay around just because you have a child with her.If the love is not mutual its a no win situation for either of you nor the child.

The child is the only reason I'd stay in this relationship. Whether she actually cheated, or pretended she cheated, both are pretty bad. And since you aren't married yet, get out while the getting is good would be my usual advice.

Since a child is involved, it is worth trying to save & improve the relationship. Find something that works for you, whether it be going to a counselor, using self-help type books, or whatever, but make sure you are measuring that by what WORKS, not what is easy or fun.

Yeah. The fact that she could make me believe she cheated hurt more than of she actually had. But, i do love her and i plan to try and make it work. If not, oh well. Im only 22 and the next one will be onto herps too lol.

It was a stupid stunt, but with her past of being abandoned and growing up in a childrens home, i can understand.

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Originally Posted by stew

that "game" is not listed in the mac bible.... You might have a nut case on your hands here. Id view this as a pre curser to what will come in the future.....

Who does that? Seriously

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Originally Posted by vypyrz

+1 :gj:

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+2

sorry you had to go through this...

You are Making excuses for her actions....... I understand where you are comming from though...... my wife and I have made it through way worse than this. Im just sayin, that is way beyond a normal thing to do to someone.


Also, Using a child to stay in a relationship is the worst advice ever. You can be a great parent either way. Sometimes its more healthy for the child when the parents are not together.

dude do what u feel is right i know how it feels only difference is that my ex was cheating on me while i was at home watching our daughter i ended up finding out threw my bestfriend it sucks i know but who know her friends must not be the brightest crayon in the box since she was the one that came up with that brilliant idea. just talk it out and if you can trust her let it go if not somthing has to be done.

Just basically her friend telling her to see how i would react. Because my fiance was worried that i didnt want to be with her. Because of our rocky past. I was a bit on the angry side, exploding alot, etc. She is having a hard time letting go of the past even though ive gone thru my little brothers death in december, did the whole epiphany thing, and started being there for her more. She was afraid it was all an act so she asked hr friends advice.

Needless to say, her friend is an idiot.

if you completely trust her then get on with loving each other but if not tell her to swear on something sacred. if she's a good girl she'll come clean and then you can decide what to do. whatever you do drop your ego and be a gentleman (gentle man) no more blowing up...

The exploding wasnt ego based. It was years of built up stress and some other things going on in life (probation) just causing stress i couldnt cope with. I dont get like that anymore tho. Its not worth it.

As for the whole swearing on something thing, im neither religious nor supersticious so it wouldnt change my slight concerns i have lingering. I will just have to trust her, which im doing. Slowly.

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Originally Posted by STEW

Also, Using a child to stay in a relationship is the worst advice ever. You can be a great parent either way. Sometimes its more healthy for the child when the parents are not together.

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Since not many other people made a comment about the child, I guess this is in response to me. I said the child made it worth trying to save AND IMPROVE the relationship. I didn't say anyone should stay in a bad relationship for a child.

However, the commonly held belief that kids will be better off when their parents separate/divorce does not have much basis in scientific fact. It is something that is very hard to study scientifically, but from what I've read & my personal experience, there is little if any "trickle down" effect on making the child happier/healthier for the average situation. That is what makes it worth trying to fix a broken relationship when a child is involved, rather than just giving up.

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Originally Posted by PyroPython

The exploding wasnt ego based. It was years of built up stress and some other things going on in life (probation) just causing stress i couldnt cope with. I dont get like that anymore tho. Its not worth it.

As for the whole swearing on something thing, im neither religious nor supersticious so it wouldnt change my slight concerns i have lingering. I will just have to trust her, which im doing. Slowly.

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sounds good my friend. stay happy and keep loving...

That a keeper 4 sure............

Do not stay in a relationship for a child!! It sounds like this is NOT the reason though! I might suggest for the both of you to go to couple counseling prior to getting married. Bottom line.....it cannot hurt!!! It will help the two of you to understand how to truly communicate and it will also teach you how to keep the relationship strong and exciting. Seriously!! It is nothing bad for couples to go to counseling....you learn allot about each other. After all that women are from Venus men from....I dunno...Mars or something is true. We say things and don't realize that the opposite sex is totally taking it a different way!! Just my suggestion!! :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by BPelizabeth

We say things and don't realize that the opposite sex is totally taking it a different way!!

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Things like "I cheated on you... just kidding"?

lol :P

Agreed, nothing wrong with couples counseling.

Its definately not just for the baby. My older daughters mom and i tried that. Doesnt work.

I guess its just her and i have the same past. Being abandoned and adopted, so i see her fears. And having been cheated on by every other girl, im getting good at seeing the truth. I was just brutally blindsided by what she had said.

If i could afford counseling i would go. For myself as well as my relationship. But the opinions and advice here is helping me alot with what i should do. Who knew you could get everything on a ball python forum!

Lol so, anyone got extra cash or snakes lyin around?? Joking.

My biggest worry was she did it to gauge your reaction. If you still were willing to accept her after she cheated, well maybe it's safe to do it in the future without losing you.

I also wouldn't stay in a relationship because of a child. As was mentioned, you can be a great parent anyways. Many people including myself are the product of divorsed parents and arn't any worse for the wear. To a kid it just means extra Christmas and Birthday present from new family members! =P That, and if it happens when the kid is young, then they will never remember anything different, it will feel natural.

No... She wont think its safe. I was pretty pissed.

Kept my cool, but ended up telling her it was over. Till she showed it was all a test

I personally can't stand it in a relationship when someone feels that they need the other person to pass some sort of "test". What's that all about? I've been in relationships like that, and left them too. I don't have time for games. Either you trust me and my love for you, or you don't. I am also adopted.

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Originally Posted by rabernet

I personally can't stand it in a relationship when someone feels that they need the other person to pass some sort of "test". What's that all about? I've been in relationships like that, and left them too. I don't have time for games. Either you trust me and my love for you, or you don't. I am also adopted.

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I agree.

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Originally Posted by STEW

Also, Using a child to stay in a relationship is the worst advice ever. You can be a great parent either way. Sometimes its more healthy for the child when the parents are not together.

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My mom divorced my dad 5 years ago and she's doing great, and so is he. They are both great parents, even though they can sometimes get me a little steamed, I love them to death and would never choose one over the other. I do actually like it better that they are divorced (for certain reasons), and I do see both of them each week (go to my dad's on Sunday and come home from school on Tuesday then stay with my mom until Sunday again).