Unbelievable Situation

Alright, I'll make this short and sweet, because I'm enraged! One of my best friends broke up (huge, huge fight) with her live-in boyfriend and tried to get him to leave her house. Understand that the house is totally in her name. Well, it turns out that she can't do anything to get him out of there without going through this whole legal court process. An attorney (free consultation) told her it could take months. That's right - months! She can't get rid of him, she can't get rid of his stuff or even put it in storage. So he's still there, not paying a dime, and she's stuck with him. She doesn't have the money for the court fees, the attorney, filing the eviction notice, etc. Can you believe this? :mad:

Really? How long has he lived there?

Honestly she has no one to blame but herself, She was the one who put herself in that situation.

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Originally Posted by iCandiBallPythons

Honestly she has no one to blame but herself, She was the one who put herself in that situation.

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And you always know when you start a relationship if it is going to work out or not? Well I guess, we should always know who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. No need for the dating process anymore. Woot.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

And you always know when you start a relationship if it is going to work out or not? Well I guess, we should always know who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. No need for the dating process anymore. Woot.

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Well, to put it more gently than the above poster, when letting someone live on your property, you should have a lease, even if it says monthly rent is $0. That way it can be clearly detailed what happens in the event of a breakup. You have 2 weeks to find somewhere else to live & move out, etc. Failing to do that is what created this problem. My sympathies to the OP's friend, but she did fail to protect herself, and therefore it *is* her own fault.

That said, the (ex) boyfriend is being a less than decent human being if he's not making a reasonable effort to find a new place to live right now...

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Originally Posted by iCandiBallPythons

Honestly she has no one to blame but herself, She was the one who put herself in that situation.

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no offense - but that is 110% garbage. :colbert:

I've had a roommate that put me through hell. The legal system is definitely on his side in this situation, and it SUCKS.

It's SO easy to say you should have a contract - but the reality is, who really makes their boy/girlfriend sign an agreement? It's the right thing to do - but couples, based on what i've seen, just don't do that.

He moved in with her about 7 months ago. You can go ahead and say it was her fault for not being cynical and suspicious enough to get a signed contract from someone she loved and trusted - I guess it just didn't cross her mind!

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

And you always know when you start a relationship if it is going to work out or not? Well I guess, we should always know who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. No need for the dating process anymore. Woot.

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Nope your right, people dont always know when you start a relationship if its going to work or not but theres always plenty of time to figure that out before moving to larger steps. Alot of people (not all) are very quick to rush into things these days and honestly living with someone will put a whole different spin on things, as in the OP.

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Originally Posted by GoFride08

He moved in with her about 7 months ago. You can go ahead and say it was her fault for not being cynical and suspicious enough to get a signed contract from someone she loved and trusted - I guess it just didn't cross her mind!

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Alot of times it seems good people get the bad end of the stick in these situations.

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Originally Posted by GoFride08

He moved in with her about 7 months ago. You can go ahead and say it was her fault for not being cynical and suspicious enough to get a signed contract from someone she loved and trusted - I guess it just didn't cross her mind!

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i dont think that it crosses alot of peoples minds, but once you live somewhere 6 months you have to be evicted i dont know who that rule was put in place to protect but it sucks.

she can go down file the paperwork on her own and there is a way that she can get the fileing fee waived if she can show that she cant offord it.

Whether he lives there 2 days or 2 years makes no difference IF he is receiving mail in his name there. That's all it takes to be a resident at any address.

Any chance she could just move to a new apt?

sorry, but cant she file a restraining order against him fairly quickly?

i mean his stuff could still be in the house but bc of the restraining order he wouldnt be allowed in.. so he'd "probably" ask for her to leave it outside for him or something...and the problem will be solved, he's out. his stuffs out. and now she has the time to legally evict him or whatever

Wait wait wait, there's no paper trail that shows he lives there? A change of address form doesn't count.

Kick him out. Seriously.

if hes not getting mail there in his name and hes not on the lease he doesnt live there and she can throw him out. Also if she feels threatend or in danger being around him she can file for the restraining order and get him out

Maybe the older generations know what they are talking about when they say you shouldn't live together until you are married. Just kidding, but at least everyone reading this post can learn something from your poor friends situation.

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Originally Posted by alexrls

sorry, but cant she file a restraining order against him fairly quickly?

i mean his stuff could still be in the house but bc of the restraining order he wouldnt be allowed in.. so he'd "probably" ask for her to leave it outside for him or something...and the problem will be solved, he's out. his stuffs out. and now she has the time to legally evict him or whatever

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Originally Posted by Denial

if hes not getting mail there in his name and hes not on the lease he doesnt live there and she can throw him out. Also if she feels threatend or in danger being around him she can file for the restraining order and get him out

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I actually tried this on my roommate. Yes, he threatened me. Yes, I felt like I was in harms way. I went to the court house and was denied the initial restraining order and the appeal that I filed...because he hadn't actually done anything to me. He left me a voicemail (excellent evidence) - and it was still denied.

Sadly, a person has to be beaten before anything can be done about it :rolleyes:

If she has no real and valid reason to believe she's actually at risk from this ex-boyfriend, then filing for a personal protection order is an abuse of the system (and often why so many get denied because so many false ones do get filed).

If she's on a lease has she talked to her landlord? If he's not on the lease then I think the landlord can have him removed. There's a risk though that the landlord may come back on her for having this guy there in the first place. Depends on how well she gets along with her landlord really.

Young love or not, if he or she wants to move in, then hey use the landlord excuse. "I'd love for you to live with me but you have to go on the lease or I'll get kicked out of here." :)

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Young love or not, if he or she wants to move in, then hey use the landlord excuse. "I'd love for you to live with me but you have to go on the lease or I'll get kicked out of here."

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It takes people time to learn these things in life. Some longer than others. And some never learn. I hope when all is said and done the girl is safe and takes this as life's ways of teaching us wisdom.

Perhaps there is a friend or three who would be willing to come stay with you while making it uncomfortable for him to be there?

Even with a lease it can be very hard to evict someone..I have a friend who rents several mobile homes out, found out one of his renters was making meth in the place and STILL couldn't evict them, until they were convicted anways. Which took long enough for them to destroy the place

Wes is right, as long as he's receiving mail there, he's allowed to be there. However, she should be able to serve him with an eviction notice.

A woman I used to work with had to do this to her son, who was mooching off her. The cops told her they couldn't do anything since he was receiving mail there. I can't remember if it was her or her landlord that had to go through with the filing for eviction, but it was actually our boss that served him and said some AWESOME words to him. She was too cool! I can't remember very clearly what happened after that (They switched us around to different locations, I wasn't able to get the full story) but I know he eventually got out. It was an ordeal though.

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Originally Posted by GoFride08

Can you believe this? :mad:

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Short answer: yes

Longer answer: There are perfectly reasonable reasons for the laws protecting him, not the least of which is that I don't care what your situation is, no one should be forced out into the cold overnight. I don't care what the fight was over or that they're broken up, it is reasonable for him to expect an amount of time to find a new residence when someone asks him to leave.

My apartment can kick me out, but they have to give me two months notice. This is in my lease, and I think it's totally fair. In addition, if I wanted to leave, I have to give THEM two months notice.

Now he COULD be a jackass and not move out until the law forces him out, but hopefully your friend and the ex can be reasonable people about this crappy situation and just put up with things until he finds a new place.

Big Gunns can see what's gonna happen here with this situation. He sees it even clearer after reading peoples suggestions.:taz:

Big Gunns suggestion to the man. He better get out of that house asap, or he may regret it for life.


Keep us posted.

If the house is under her name 100%..can't she just call the cops for trespassing? Since it's her place and she doesn't want him there.

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Originally Posted by Imabur.

If the house is under her name 100%..can't she just call the cops for trespassing? Since it's her place and she doesn't want him there.

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Not now that he's a resident. She's has to go through an eviction process, which could take months.

Well all I can say is wow...sorry for your friend! People make bad choices sometimes. I am sure there is not one person on this board that can say they had a perfect "picker" their whole life. Lord knows...my was a broken for years....lol.

Like everyone else said...call the landlord.

Also she might want to check out the restraining order if the fight was really heated and she felt threatened. In Az it covers someone getting in your face as well not just being physically abusive.

Also there are organizations that can probably help her in this situation. Any type of domestic violence hotline would probably offer her some advice and possibly help on this.

To me what he is doing is a form of abuse...even if not physical it is emotional which is just as real. The fact that he wont leave is suspicious. I mean I find it hard to believe that he can't couch surf a friends house till he gets his own place. Typically situations like this spin out of control quickly and get very ugly!!

Very good points Michelle. If this girl is being abused she does need to reach out for help, advice and to address any issues of her safety. The end of a relationship can be a difficult time for everyone involved and if there is a history of abuse, it can be a trigger point for an escalation. I'm not assuming there is actual abuse here but like Michelle, there is always that concern in these situations.

I would go to small claims court and get any money owed, "renters" don't rent for free:)7months x $$ will get you enough to pay for the eviction notice!

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Originally Posted by rebeccabecca

I would go to small claims court and get any money owed, "renters" don't rent for free:)7months x $$ will get you enough to pay for the eviction notice!

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won't hold up unless she had a contract with him saying he would pay.

if he doesn't receive mail there then change the locks.

Wait, there's abuse? IF this guy has physically done anything she NEEDS to file a report NOW.

As Big Gulp said, this is no bueno.

Have a family member move in, have a bunch of HER friends move in, have her move out but don't just do nothing IF he's touched her in any inappropriate, which we have no evidence of as yet, manner.

Has she got male family members to help?

Whatever happened to good ol fashion "talks out back"?

Hi,

I think the cops started tasering people for it. :weirdface


dr del

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Originally Posted by Patrick Long

Whatever happened to good ol fashion "talks out back"?

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Oh...the ole days....:cool:

Big Gunns is gonna start a list of problems he sees with this thread.

1. First and foremost. We are hearing it second hand.

2. We have no idea what the "huge fight" was over. Maybe he came home and found someone playing doc with his gf. That might start a "huge fight" don't yah think. This "friend" might not mention this to her "friend" either. It could have been her hubby.:D:D

3. This could easily be number one. Big Gunns didn't see anything about "abuse", feeling threatened"..etc etc..in the OP's post. When she looked into getting him out, BG is SURE this is the first thing they asked her about. Since there is no restraining order at this time...there was probably no reason for one. BG suspects one is coming though...whether shes scared or not. Why is everyone suggesting she get one without anywhere near ALL THE FACTS!!!!! We have one second hand side of the story.

4. We don't know anything about their living situation. Maybe he paid for the house/apartment and everything in it, but just put it in her name. Happens all the time. We don't know. Should he have to leave immediately if that's the case?

5. We have no idea who her friend is, she could be a money grubbing (insert insult here), and he could be the 2nd nicest guy on the planet(BG is first)....or....she could be Mother Teresa and he could be Jeffrey Dahmer. We don't know.

We can give all kinds of advice, but without knowing ALL THE FACTS we can't really give any good advice. This is what BG would like to know. What was the "huge fight" about, and why can't they work it out? Then BG would like to know who owns the stuff in the house, and who was paying for what when it came to the bills. We all know how many guys are out there looking for a woman to take care of them ....wait....is it the other way....BG's not sure.;):D


BG could go on and on about possible scenarios here, but he thinks everyone understands what he's saying. Without knowing all the facts of this situation, some peoples advice has been unfair in Big Gunns opinion. There is a reason this guy wasn't hauled off in cuffs. The people that know the facts didn't think it was the right thing to do at this time.


One last thing. If it was the exact opposite. In other words....... the place was in the guys name and he wanted his gf out, would everyone feel the same? Would everyone have the same advice? Somehow Big Gunns thinks the ladies might just be a leeetle....just a leeetle more understanding about the woman getting thrown in the streets. It's just a thought.;):D

Now the OP can come on in here and straighten out all these missing facts, but since SHE IS HEARING ONE SIDE OF THE STORY, BG can't really say what is fair in this situation.

One last point. Since no "abuse" or anything similar was mentioned in the original post...Big Gunns will be highly "suspicious" of any claims to this fact now. It would seem to Big Gunns that it would have been one of the first things the OP said.

Good posts BG.

I just wanted to say that your claim of being the nicest guy on the planet is false, I retain that title.

However, I'm so nice I won't complain, you can continue to call yourself the nicest person on the planet, I just needed to make sure you knew the facts! :P

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Originally Posted by mainbutter

Good posts BG.

I just wanted to say that your claim of being the nicest guy in this Galaxy is false, I retain that title.

However, I'm so nice I won't complain, you can continue to call yourself the nicest person on the planet, I just needed to make sure you knew the facts! :P

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Did Big Gunns say that? Let BG correct it...he obviously made a HUGE mistake. It was supposed to read...the nicest guy in this galaxy.:D

Eviction laws vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. What may be true in one State or city likely is not true in the next. Sounds like it is hard to get someone out in this case. Sadly if you shack up, your contract rights are worth the paper that it is written on.

Hey, it's Saturday morning, and I wanted to give everyone an update. He's packing - he's getting out! And guess who came riding to the rescue, big guns ablazin' - his mom! That's right - HIS MOM! 72 years old and not gonna take any crap from anybody! She called him up and I guess she really crawled all over him about the way he's been acting toward my friend. She gave him this weekend to get out, or she said she's going to drive up Sunday night from Miami and throw his stuff out on the street herself - awesome! Never underestimate the power of MOM - the most incredible force on the universe! He's over there packing right now!

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMFAO! Moms rule!:D Big Gumms is pretty funny too!:P