Kid slaps mom

Yes, I would have taken you to individual counseling and would have gone with you to family counseling. Beating each other up is really not helpful in the short run or the long run. Hasn't our species evolved even a little?

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Originally Posted by starmom

Yes, I would have taken you to individual counseling and would have gone with you to family counseling. Beating each other up is really not helpful in the short run or the long run. Hasn't our species evolved even a little?

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Lol, I wasn't beaten up, I was spanked. Never even left a bruise, but a hurtin that taught me to not do it again. Sometimes kids need spankins IMO.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gone to the therapy sessions unless you knocked me out, hog tied me, and strapped me to the chair....

I don't really like doing things against my will! :8:

Nothing against your method McKinsey, but I tell you this, a very strict upbringing with quick and harsh punishment did me more good than I can say. There was no reasoning with me. None at all.... I was a very strong willed kid.

Still have some of that left today. :)

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Originally Posted by littleindiangirl

Lol, I wasn't beaten up, I was spanked. Never even left a bruise, but a hurtin that taught me to not do it again. Sometimes kids need spankins IMO.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gone to the therapy sessions unless you knocked me out, hog tied me, and strapped me to the chair....

I don't really like doing things against my will! :8:

Nothing against your method McKinsey, but I tell you this, a very strict upbringing with quick and harsh punishment did me more good than I can say. There was no reasoning with me. None at all.... I was a very strong willed kid.

Still have some of that left today. :)

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Chores. I really believe in chores. People are too tired at the end of a day to cause much trouble. Chores saved a couple of my kids. Chores are good.
Reasoning with kids whose brains aren't even fully developed is not something I am in favor of. I am mom- I don't run a democracy ;)
The kids will listen or we'll do chores together and then they'll listen. If they don't want to do chores? They get to; I don't care if it takes me all day to get the kid doing the chore- we'll work together through the night.
Parenting takes time, a lot of time, and attention. Hitting, to me, is an unacceptable short-cut and a power trip. I don't like it.

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Originally Posted by starmom

Chores. I really believe in chores. People are too tired at the end of a day to cause much trouble. Chores saved a couple of my kids. Chores are good.
Reasoning with kids whose brains aren't even fully developed is not something I am in favor of. I am mom- I don't run a democracy ;)
The kids will listen or we'll do chores together and then they'll listen. If they don't want to do chores? They get to; I don't care if it takes me all day to get the kid doing the chore- we'll work together through the night.
Parenting takes time, a lot of time, and attention. Hitting, to me, is an unacceptable short-cut and a power trip. I don't like it.

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Yes chores do really help for a lot of resentment haha. J/k!!:please: I think I did a lot of chores. Nothing like working on a farm, but I do know how to clean a thing or two!

It's actually been passed on to me in my own obsessive way. I blow off steam by cleaning.... hrmm.. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by littleindiangirl

Yes chores do really help for a lot of resentment haha. J/k!!:please: I think I did a lot of chores. Nothing like working on a farm, but I do know how to clean a thing or two!

It's actually been passed on to me in my own obsessive way. I blow off steam by cleaning.... hrmm.. :rolleyes:

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Very funny about cleaning to blow off steam- my kids do too!!
They don't and didn't resent the chores because we would do them together...that was the important part: get them out of the defiant space and into a space of physical labor so we could talk and chill while working.
You sound like you were a firecracker! Poor parents! :8:

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Originally Posted by littleindiangirl

And again, I ask, what do you do to those kids like me that are unaffected by simply time outs and groundings or taking things away??

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How about making you responsible for your actions? I'm not going to keep going over why it is wrong. Just because you were a hard kid...you only see *your* perspective. There are ways to be very strict with a child and NOT hit them. I was a stubborn child too, except for my parents hitting/spanking me NEVER worked. It made me more defiant and even MORE stubborn. Just ask my dad. I brought him to tears because no matter much he spanked me and put me in the corner, I would *not* do what he wanted, and it wasnt always over anything bad...just cleaning my room would become a battleground between my parents and me.

So you want an example of how to handle a stubborn child? Here is one:
My stepsister is probably one of the worst children i've ever met.....(she's about 8 years younger than me, so I was able to see first hand how her behavior could be modified without hitting and spanking, thats the *easy* way out!)

She was kicked off the school bus for swearing and being a bully....And she had been warned, that if she got kicked off the school bus, she would have to walk to school. (she was 12 at the time) So sure enough, the next morning my mom got her ready for school, and drove the car behind her, every step of the 2 miles it took for her to go to school. It took her about 4 hours to do it. She kept throwing tantrums and being a total twit...yet she made it to school that day, and the next.. (she was suspended for a couple of days)....She never got kicked off the bus again. Was she instantly *cured* of her being a stubborn child? NO, were there many MANY other things that she did to act out...YES! and they were all handled in similar fashion. She had to earn every single privelege, from going outside to play, talking to her friends on the phone. Anything and everything that was important in her little world, she had to earn.

I agree not all personalities of children are easy to raise, but it still doesnt mean beating them is the only option to keep them in line.

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Originally Posted by starmom

Very funny about cleaning to blow off steam- my kids do too!!
They don't and didn't resent the chores because we would do them together...that was the important part: get them out of the defiant space and into a space of physical labor so we could talk and chill while working.
You sound like you were a firecracker! Poor parents! :8:

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Poor everybody actually! Lordy, I was the kid that the teachers called wild woman, the one that went through quite a few babysitters... Very independent I call it. :D ;)

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Originally Posted by equis8

How about making you responsible for your actions? I'm not going to keep going over why it is wrong. Just because you were a hard kid...you only see *your* perspective. There are ways to be very strict with a child and NOT hit them.

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I was definitely held accountable for every action I ever did. Strict parents don't give an inch!

You think it's wrong, I don't. Simple as that. I don't think spanking is a real beating like you make it come across.

Maybe yours was more severe? I don't know. I never had nothing wrong besides a red bottom for a few minutes. It stung, but it certainly kept me in line.

That's what I'm saying. I can't think of a time when I didn't pop right back into line and not do what I was told after a spanking.

I have to say, spankin worked on my behind!

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Originally Posted by equis8

to me its just as bad as someone grabbing their dog and rubbing its nose in a puddle of urine...........Useless barbaric behavior!

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Wait a minute, you mean 40 years and 20 dogs later THIS doesn't work.

Well heck, that's a mess a wasted nose rubbing that housebroke all those mutts.

By the way, what have you got against barbarians? Some of us are quite interesting.

Also, there is a LARGE difference between beating a child and swatting one to get its attention.

I've never beat my kids but they've had hand prints on their bottoms that got them listening right quick like.

Hmmmmm, it must have worked too. I can't recall swatting them past the age of about 6, and then it's a maybe.

Physical discipline alone will never change anything, but it is not in and of itself abuse. It's all in how and why it is applied.

For someone to come and tell me I'm a child abuser and wrong seems a bit on the high handed side and I'll have to say flat out to those of you who think so that YOU are wrong.

I've got living proof. Honor students. Varsity sports players. Honest good hearted kids. None have ever been in trouble for being physically abusive to anyone.

Kids I'm proud to tell any and all that they're mine.

Summa y'all are a tad too full a yourselves.

I hesitated a little bit as regards getting into this discussion, because I come from a very different culture of a different continent, so my I have nothing to do with your reality.
But...I´ll chime in nonetheless.

To me, a situation like this is totally unacceptable. Period.

Family and respect for the elderly means a lot in Southern Europe ("God, Honour and Family").
I lived with my parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents until I got married (or they died). It is normal here to live with your parents until you get married or start living with someone. Later on, when one of your parents dies, the other one moves in with you. There is no "necessarily moving out when you go to College" tradition. Unless you go to College to a city very far away from home. Even in those cases, you go home for the weekends.

So..it´s different.

I don´t remember ever raising my voice to my father. When I disagreed with him or with my mother (a lot…) it was natural to do it in a respectful manner. I think/hope my kids (3) don´t even imagine raising their voices against me. I was slapped a few times when I was a kid when I crossed the border of respect and do the same to my kids, when that happens.
Call me pre-historic if you want, but I find it not only acceptable but natural. At least, I find it more natural then getting arrested because you slapped your kid in public. That, I find extremely "fundamentalistic" (sp.?). And the world has enough fundamentalisms already.

Just my way of seeing things. Hope nobody feels disrespected by it