Please help. :(

Alright so I am going to try and keep this somewhat short so everyone doesn't doze off during reading. I am having a major issue currently that I need some advice on how to resolve. So here is the back story. My girlfriend and will have been dating for a year and 5 months the 27th of this month, over the past almost year and a half we have had our ups and downs as most couples do. The problem is we both have extreme depression and high levels of anxiety. Two years ago I attempted suicide and was hospitalized for a few days because of this. No one knew how bad my depression was until this point, mainly because they didn't listen or pay attention. The only one who WAS there for me was my now gf. I started seeing a therapist 2x a week and taking a multitude of meds (prozak, abilify, and trasadone). I was diagnosed with severe depression, manic bipolar disorder, and extreme anxiety. I'm happy to say with the help of my gf, therapist, and meds I am now doing good and have been off meds for close to 8 months without any major meltdowns. I still have my ups and downs but that's normal with anyone. Now on to my gf. She started to develope major anxiety her 5th grade year in school, so much so that she would follow her mom around all day (works at the school) because she was scared to let her out of her site, she had extreme seperation anxiety from her mom. Since then she has seen many therapist, taken many different meds and nothing helps. She hasn't been to school since 5th grade, instead she has been tutored by a teacher at the school and has done all the necessary things needed for school, me and her mom finally conviced her to go full time this year as it is her senior year and it will be good for her. (Forgot to add this earlier but the seperation anxiety for her mom was transfered to me when we started dating). She has been doing really great and getting all her work done etc, etc. Well I have yet to go to college and am waiting to attend a LPN program next fall to work towards my RN. So I currently work at an animal hospital. I love it here, I love seeing animals everyday, the people are funny and nice most days, and its generally a good atmosphere. Here is where the problem I need solved is. I work about 49+ hours a week, mondays and tuesdays I work from 12pm- about 8-9pm depending on how the day was. My girlfriend is at school from 7:30-2:30 weekdays. The problem is that when she gets home mondays and tuesdays she is completely alone. This is where it gets bad, she will text and call me balling telling me she wants me home because she can't go on anymore, she doesn't want to be alone, she misses me and can't handle it, etc. Her anxiety at this point is through the roof. she knows I can't leave as I have already used all my sick days from the flu a few months ago. So I'm stuck here for hours having to tell her its okay and getting "you don't understand! If you needed me id be there!". And it just makes me feel like crap that I can't leave to comfort her. I want to change my hours for mondays and tuesdays to mornings but #1) I have asked before and been blown off and #2) there is no one to cover my night shifts on those days. I'm really confused on what I should do from here. Someone please lend a little help, anything would be great. I'm getting depresed again from this issue and I don't want to be like this. So please any advice would be great. Thanks.


Kevin.

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I know that depression and anxiety is a physical illness. I am in no way a doctor but have enough experience with people with the same issues that I strongly advise you and/or your girlfriend to seek treatment from a licensed psychiatrist, not therapist. I know anxiety from your girlfriend being unstable puts stress and brings back your old and seemingly "under control" issues. But you do NOT want to put yourself in danger just to be free of medication. I don't think there is anything anyone can say on this forum that will help you. Try getting her to go see a psychologist, and it probably wouldn't hurt for you to see one either. I hope I'm not coming off as harsh, I struggled with anxiety in my earlier years so I sort of understand, but it was never to this extent. I saw a psychologist and was medicated for almost 6 years before my body and brain and emotions aligned. I can't stress enough how important it is to seek professional help, especially since you've already attempted suicide once. I wish you both luck...

Well I saw a therapist, she sees a psychiatrist. This is the 6th one since 5th grade that she has seen. I'm not really asking what to do in referance to our problems. More so what should I do about my worjmk schedual and meeting her needs. I feel if I ask to switch days again ill just get blown off like last time.

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Xanex for the anxiety and a part-time job to occupy her free time. Though it's never that simple. She needs to see a therapist.

My gf suffers from anxiety, though not that bad. She can get pretty crazy though.
Then she smokes and it calms her down. She also has ADHD, ritalin never worked, smoking cures her ADHD too. Not advicating that you do the same, it just works in her case.

She takes xanax like skittles...no lie. He doctor allows her up to 4x a day, and that still has no affect when she gets bad. Like I said none of her meds seem to improve her anxiety or depression at all.

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Is she being treated for OCD? I believe she could have it. Might need more than medication it sounds like behaviour therapy could help. And you need to take care of yourself. Do you get a chance to talk to her psych Dr, does he/she know she is projecting her anxiety on you?
You do not need to being changing your job solely for her. Being there for her and and being a codependent are different things .

Wish I could give you more advice, but her situation really has less to do with you and your work, than it has to do with a serious illness. Sounds like you already know that. What ever they are doing with her does not seem to be working for her, it might be time to find another sort of treatment. Good luck I know it is hard. But if you can't keep yourself heathy, you won't be able to help her. Hugs.

I usually go in with her when she has her pyschologist appointments and let the psychologist know what I see when she isn't there. My gf is getting to the point where she doesn't want to go to the psychologist anymore because its boring and in her eyes obviously not working.

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3 words: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

One of my roommates had the most severe case of anxiety I have ever heard of in my life. She basically turned into a zombie, and she had to leave school last year.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, she says, saved her life. It's expensive, but when someone is living the way your girlfriend is or my roommate was, it's worth it.

She needs something to occupy her time, has she ever had a job?

She had a job up until like a week ago. She was working two days a week. She stopped working though because ahe couldn't handle that and school. You need to know she went from sleeping 14-16 hours a day everyday, to being up at 6:30am and bed at 9:30. Its really wreaking havok on her body.

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I don't want to sound harsh, and please don't take this the wrong way, but from what I have read, her parents have enabled her for so many years and have probably done her more harm than good, letting someone with depression sleep 14-16 hours a day is not healthy, she would do well to have a schedule, and not be able to blow it off cause she doesn't feel like it.
See if there are any places that she could volunteer at 2 days a week, as a senior I believe it is required for graduation.
Check the volunteer programs at the hospital, she may like doing activities in a pediatric ward.

When I started my full time job (M-F 8am-5pm), I too thought that it was the end of all things I had ever known. I was tired, I couldn't stay awake past 10, I was skipping weekend activities because I couldn't stay awake long enough to enjoy them! I had gotten use to sleeping in till whenever and I was sure that the waking up early every day was going to be the end of all good things. :tears:

Fast forward 6 months later. I have gotten use to it. It is a major shock to your body when you change or do not keep the same sleep schedule. I know she is dealing with more but the feeling that your body will never be normal again due to a sleep schedule change will pass.

In short. YES it SUCKS!!! But, you get use to it. Especially when you have bills to pay and groceries to buy;). I am sure others can vouch for that.

Yes they did enable her. But they realize it now and try to get her up at 9 on weekends and do things. But she refuses and will scream and yell at everyone. There really isn't any reasoning with her. Ever.

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Well, not to be mean, but she is going to have a MAJOR awakening when she has to live in the real world.

I feel for you Kevin, is she an only child by any chance?

Just my 2 cents but I really liked Tzeentch when they say that she needs to occupy her time. I have separation anxiety with my bf (he went on a 2 week trip to Tahoe and left me alone at the apartment) and I didn't know what to do with myself for the first couple of days. The reception he got out there was terrible to the point where I was lucky if I got a phone call from him during the day (and I'll be honest, I call him a lot when he's not around). I cried, I couldn't sleep and I found myself doing really weird things (cleaning EVERYTHING, sleeping on the couch, neglecting friend relationships, etc.).

But once I actually found things to do that didn't involve him and started branching out again, I found that I wasn't so anxious about him not being there with me. Granted I still had strong feelings rise up in me from time to time but I found that with time, it got a little easier. I started getting back into my art and other hobbies that I put on the backburner since I got into the relationship (going on 4 years in March). He'll be leaving again for 1 week in the beginning of October and though I'm not entirely thrilled about it, I think I've found things that work for me and my separation issues.

I don't know though. Sounds like her's is a little worse than mine but you might want to consider the long term of this thing. You can't be sculpting your whole life around a person's wants and needs. You're your own person and if you really plan on pursuing a career in the medical field, she needs to accept the fact that you're not going to be around 24/7 no matter how hard that might be for her. It's really something that you need to sit down and think about as to whether this relationship will work long term if she can't cope with you being gone for a couple of hours.

Sorry for the brick of text so early in the morning and I'm no Dr., but speaking as someone with a pretty healthy amount of separation anxiety, I don't know if this is going to work out (especially considering both of your histories and future goals) but that's obviously not for me to decide. Sorry if I cause any hurt feelings. I 'm just being honest. :(

I agree with everyone on here 100%. She goes on nd on about how she wants a place of our own and to get married and have kids etc, etc. But I think daily, how the hell is any of that going to happen when she can't handle being away from me for more than 12 hours, how is she going to go to college if she can't go to high school, how will she keep a job when she can't work 2 days a week 3-4 hours a day and not want to work anymore. I mean yeah I absolutely hate working. I love where I work, but hate doing it everyday. I work an upwards to 20 hours a weekend, how crappy hours, and just in general would rather chill home. But I know I can't. I know if I am ever going to make something of myself than I have to do it. Its not a choice. I'm 19 but have bills already because my parents dropped me from everything once I turned 18. That means car insurance, cell phone, if I had health insurance there would be that too. Plus my mom makes me pay her to live at my house now. I have about $400 worth of bills a month, not as bad as it could be but still. and I can't ever say anything about me not seeong her go far because she would freak out and scream at me. I seriously think she is in denial of her real problems.

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And no llovelace she isn't. She has a 21 year old sister, who still lives at home, parties all weekend, complains when she has to do anything, and in general is just a spoiled.

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I'm just saying this as a spiteful ex wife..........coming from someone who's only 23 and divorced....


If there's something that bothers you now (aka calling you crying while your at work)...multiply that by 100 and that's what it's going to feel like in 10 years. I was married for over 4 years...and little things that bothered me just got worse and worse and worse. Especially if she's not willing to change and find proper help.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

She goes on nd on about how she wants a place of our own and to get married and have kids etc, etc.

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WOW WOW WOW BACK THE TRUCK UP. NO NO AND HELL NO. You guys are still VERY young and with her unstable behavior I would just like to say, don't ruin the rest of your life. She acts like a kid and she...wants a kid? LOL NOPE.

I told her no kids....if we are still together when we are put of college and have good jobs okay. But she can't handle herself let alone a child.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Especially if she's not willing to change and find proper help.

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Exactly. It's up to her whether she works with the psychiatrist or not. She doesn't sound willing to change at all and if she's not willing to change, move on.

The parents created this, I'm sorry to say, when she went through her seperation issues in K, the parents did the worst thing possible by keeping her home.
I'm sure she is used to getting her way, and if not I'm sure she throws a tantrum like a 2 year old.

This behavior is learned, and she has had years to perfect it, again, all the parents fault.

You need to set boundaries/rules with her, and stick to them, once she sees that her child like rants aren't getting her anywhere, it will ease up and over time hopefully will stop.

(This is to be taken as a joke, but also the possibility of the future)

Don't worry, she will be a stay at home mom with the giant house and everything she has ever wanted and you will be forced to work. For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life.

I understand she has been diagnosed. But, she just sounds like a very immature, spoiled, needy, insecure high school girl who needs to face the facts about the demands of life BEFORE she gets tied down with someone who she assumes is going to provide everything for her like she is accustomed to.

I HOPE that if I acted like that, my parents, my best friend, and my fiance would tell me to go get my act together and then come talk to them when I can be a reasonable adult.

She will scream and freak out because she never learned that just because something bad happened TODAY, doesn't mean that it will go on FOREVER.

Okay, you're not going to like this, but here's my 2 cents. I do have a background in the field but I am NOT a doctor and I am not a licensed professional. That being said, here it goes.

You are in a co-dependent relationship. Your mood depends on her, and her mood depends on you. It is unhealthy and very, very, dangerous. Things need to be broken off for the time being. After you've separated, you can each work on your mental illnesses by yourselves without having the other put you in danger of regressing. Once you've each improved mentally, you can revisit the relationship.

I told you it wasn't pretty, but there it is. I wish you the absolute best luck. Mental illness is a daily struggle.

I used to be a lot like your girlfriend. I had severe anxiety issues when I was married and had children and was very immature at the time. I hated to be alone and I would stop at nothing until someone would stay with me. My behavior ended up in a bitter divorce and with two very unhappy little girls. Fast forward to now, I am on the right medication and seeing a psychiatrist. I have a whole new life with a wonderful boyfriend and two daughters. Let me tell you this though, I had to literally fall flat on my butt to learn to not be so needy. I ended up in an institution for six months and all I did was sleep when I was there. I needed a strong reality check to get my mind right and just get on with my life. She can be helped, but she has to WANT to be helped. I am afraid that if she keeps going on the way she is, she will never get better, and you really need to keep this in mind if you are planning on having a future with this person.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

and I can't ever say anything about me not seeong her go far because she would freak out and scream at me. I seriously think she is in denial of her real problems.

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Total me me me bratty behavior.


My son has been with his fiance for 3 years, she went to NY for 10 days,nad he went a lil nuts, calling her constantly etc. I got wind of it, and had a talk with him, I explained to him that they hadve both had their heads up each others butts for 3 yrs. and that when she came back from NY, they both needed to find outside activities, to do seperately. He agreed, he now plays on a pool league twice a week, and she uses those nights to due stuff with her gf's.

After reading previous posts about the sister and kids. I know you love her but... RUN MAN RUN!

If I would have just stuck it out with the guy I figured I would marry and spend the rest of my life with despite the "normal" ups and downs. I probably would be in jail for killing him (JOKE) in 10 years.

The "Normal" ups and downs are not suppose to happen when you are dating and really REALLY don't have anything to fight about. You are suppose to have ups and downs when you have bills, and children, and car payments, and mortgages.

My fiance have been in one argument in the past year and a half and it ended in "I'm sorry honey, were too good to fight about this. I was wrong."

A small note. Her sayong she wants to marry me and have kids she meant later not now just so we are clear. And yes she was given her way, mainly because her mom didn't know how to act about it. Also a little tid bit, her father is/was not really sure anymore a drug addict. That made things hard for her also, her mom is now about $30,000 in debt because her dad.would spend all their money on drugs. I do love her more than anything, its just she becomes to much for even me.

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I have thought about having a break from it all, but last time I tried that she grabed a razor and starting cutting her self and saying she would kill herself if I left. That's not why I'm with her. I'm with her because she undersrands me and loves me for me and I love her too. But it really scares me of the what ifs.

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Boundaries Kevin Boundaries, her mother gave in because it was easier to give her her way.

My 3 year old grandson, would throw a tatrum, whining crying etc. then his mother would give in to shut him up, after seeing this a time or two, I flipped on her! I told her that if she continued with this crap, it would only get worse! and when he became a teenager she would have hell to pay. He didn't display this behavior while in my care, or at school.
It is a learned behavior.

Maybe you should be honest with yourself and sit down and think.

How would I feel if we weren't together? (Not the break up, but in life)
How would I feel, if we broke up today?
How would I feel a week from now?
A month from now?
What could I do without her that I couldn't do with her?
Could I get number to that cute girl that sits next to me in class?:D

Cutting herself with a razor is crazyness and I wouldn't want to be around a person like that NOR have children with a person like that!


I hate girls you guys... I really do.

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Originally Posted by aldebono

Maybe you should be honest with yourself and sit down and think.

How would I feel if we weren't together? (Not the break up, but in life)
How would I feel, if we broke up today?
How would I feel a week from now?
A month from now?
What could I do without her that I couldn't do with her?
Could I get number to that cute girl that sits next to me in class?:D

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OH come on!!
He doesn't want to break up, he needs help coping. I belive she can change her behavior, but that means Kevin will have to change his, in order to accomplish this.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

I have thought about having a break from it all, but last time I tried that she grabed a razor and starting cutting her self and saying she would kill herself if I left. That's not why I'm with her. I'm with her because she undersrands me and loves me for me and I love her too. But it really scares me of the what ifs.

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She wouldn't kill herself, you know why? Because even if she cut herself bad enough you'd call the police/fire department, they'd transfer her and then she'd be held for a mandatory psych eval. It's called a section 12, and I think you should tell her mom to contact her primary care physician and have her ask about a "section 12"...it's much needed IMO.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

I have thought about having a break from it all, but last time I tried that she grabed a razor and starting cutting her self and saying she would kill herself if I left. That's not why I'm with her. I'm with her because she undersrands me and loves me for me and I love her too. But it really scares me of the what ifs.

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Once again, bratty bratty behavior, what does her mother say about all this, her behavior etc.?

OMG, I can't tell you all the red flags I see here. Please, please, please get away from her. You cannot let her mental illness jeopardize your mental health. This is so much more than attention seeking behavior. People who are cutters are very seriously ill. From what you've described, I certainly see Borderline Personality Disorder. Please look it up. This is nothing to joke with, and nothing that you can help her with. I can't stress to you how serious the situation is.

This is seriously a giant fuster cluck...YOU REALLY DON'T NEED TO BE DEALING WITH THIS. You have your own problems and you're only compounding them by keeping her around. I'm sure this situation doesn't put a smile on your face. And not to undermine your relationship but you've spent a year on this relationship and it's crap? There is no future with this person. Get out now.

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Originally Posted by llovelace

OH come on!!
He doesn't want to break up, he needs help coping. I belive she can change her behavior, but that means Kevin will have to change his, in order to accomplish this.

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Gotta think about your happiness first sometimes! And he said he though about breaking it off first. It was just food for thought. Besides, he may have a crush on that girl next to him and class and want her number...

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Originally Posted by aldebono

Besides, he may have a crush on that girl next to him and class and want her number...

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For some reason, he doesn't really strike me as the kind of guy to jump into something else after a long term relationship with a crazy person (even if it is a "friend with benefits" sort of situation). Being single for a while isn't all bad ya know. ;)

I wouldn't label her as a "cutter", what she did was "attention" seeking behavior. "cutters" do it in private, for different reasons.

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Originally Posted by llovelace

I wouldn't label her as a "cutter", what she did was "attention" seeking behavior. "cutters" do it in private, for different reasons.

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That's not necessarily true. Here's the criteria for BPD. It's *almost* exactly what he's describing.


Borderline Personality Disorder DSM IV Criteria



A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Coming from a person that was in a very very codependent fd up relationship for a very long time. I honestly think some time apart would be the best way to figure things out. Stop take a breath and look at the full situation. The relationship I was in was horrible and it was killing me literally. But we were both intertwined in the mess. It landed both of us no where good. Him more so worse off bc he just couldn't straighten out. I'm being honest with you if you are thinking about the what if's now... Just imagine in 5 years in 10 years.
And the train wreckage that comes off of the final end product. This has bad written all over it love. I'm sorry. Been there done that. I'll NEVER DO IT AGAIN.


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She used to be a cutter and has numerous big scares on her hips that she would go at before I knew her. I'm not trying to defend her behavior but some things that also happened to her that make her anxiety worse or made her anxiety worse.

#1) her first real boyfriend was an ass and made her do nunerous things she didn't like but went along with because he said he "cared" about her. He ended up practically raping her (tried to undress her, she said no, he got pissed and started yelling, so she submitted and allowed it against her wishes not to). It was a horroble expreince for her (she was only 14), and there was a lot of unplesant things that happened during the process that I don't need to go into detail. He finished, showered, and she left. He said he would call her the next day and never did, he ended up having sex with a couple more girls the next few days even though they were still "dating", that is when she began cutting. And it just escualted from there.

#2) when we first began dating and up till the 7 month mark I flirted a lot with other girls and thought about cheating on her, I never did because I didn't want to be a cheater, but I still consider myself one after everything. I told her and no the trust has pretty much gone, I can't have any friends that are girls.

Now as for me I used to cut and burn myself frequently. I would take a blow torch and heat up nails till red hot and brand words into my body. My friends at the time told me it was all a show for attention and that I was making it all up, I would often go and cry in a corner. They began naming my crying attacks as "kevin breaks" and made it the school joke for anyone who acted upset. They even marked it as their funniest high school memory in the year book. I currently have no real friends as they all think my mental illness is a joke....so f them. They even told me I made up my attempted suicide...yeah like you can fake that? The only people I really have in my life now are her and my snakes. I don't want a different girlfriend, she is the best thing to happen to me belive it or not, as I used to be a real ahole and have a new girlfriend every week. I just need to get it through to her, and myself that we need to figure out something better. I currently can't see a therapist or psychologist because I have no health insurancs. I applied for medicaid but they denied me because I still technically live with my parents. Bs...but whatever.

She was always there for me, talking me out of more suicide attemts, etc. And I'm going to be there for her. She needs help, and support is sometimes what people need most, something I didn't get during my problems.
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I've always viewed being in a relationship with someone as "hey, I can see us going places in the future". If you don't see yourself with this person in the future, why even waste your time?

"She was always there for me, talking me out of more suicide attemts, etc. And I'm going to be there for her. She needs help, and support is sometimes what people need most, something I didn't get during my problems."

You can be there for her and NOT be in a relationship with her. It's called the friend zone and she definitely needs to be put there until/if she sorts herself out. It's up to her and you sticking around and playing into her tantrums is only going to make it worse. She sounds like a very weak person that needs to learn how to be strong by being more independant. You can still be there for her as a friend but I don't think being in a bf gf relationship with this person at this time is advisable at all.

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Originally Posted by JulieInNJ

That's not necessarily true. Here's the criteria for BPD. It's *almost* exactly what he's describing.


Borderline Personality Disorder DSM IV Criteria



A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

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ok, out of 9, I see a relation to 1

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Originally Posted by kevinb

She was always there for me, talking me out of more suicide attemts, etc. And I'm going to be there for her. She needs help, and support is sometimes what people need most, something I didn't get during my problems.
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You are making excuses for her. This is codependency at it's best. You can't save her. And you're jeopardizing your mental health trying.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

She used to be a cutter and has numerous big scares on her hips that she would go at before I knew her. 5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior I'm not trying to defend her behavior but some things that also happened to her that make her anxiety worse or made her anxiety worse.

#1) her first real boyfriend was an ass and made her do nunerous things she didn't like but went along with because he said he "cared" about her. He ended up practically raping her (tried to undress her, she said no, he got pissed and started yelling, so she submitted and allowed it against her wishes not to). It was a horroble expreince for her (she was only 14), and there was a lot of unplesant things that happened during the process that I don't need to go into detail. He finished, showered, and she left. He said he would call her the next day and never did, he ended up having sex with a couple more girls the next few days even though they were still "dating", that is when she began cutting. And it just escualted from there.2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

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Originally Posted by kevinb

The problem is we both have extreme depression and high levels of anxiety. 6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

She started to develope major anxiety her 5th grade year in school, so much so that she would follow her mom around all day (works at the school) because she was scared to let her out of her site, she had extreme seperation anxiety from her mom. 1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.Since then she has seen many therapist, taken many different meds and nothing helps.

The problem is that when she gets home mondays and tuesdays she is completely alone. This is where it gets bad, she will text and call me balling telling me she wants me home because she can't go on anymore, she doesn't want to be alone, she misses me and can't handle it, etc.6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). 1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
7. chronic feelings of emptiness

So I'm stuck here for hours having to tell her its okay and getting "you don't understand! If you needed me id be there!" 8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

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These were just the things that jumped out at me. This is only from my first hand experience with people with mental health issues. Of course I could be very much wrong, but I'd take this info to a professional to see if she's been misdiagnosed as bipolar. It happens a lot and the wrong medication could be a disaster.

Either way, only a professional can help her. :(

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Originally Posted by kevinb

She takes xanax like skittles...no lie. He doctor allows her up to 4x a day, and that still has no affect when she gets bad. Like I said none of her meds seem to improve her anxiety or depression at all.

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Abusing anti-depressants, even taken as prescribed, is a horrible epidemic in the US these days. What's the difference between popping benzos and shooting up? Drugs are not the answer to your feelings of despair in life.

Kevin ... I just read through this thread, and I'm going to give you my opinion.

I know you have been through a lot and I know she has been through a lot too.

I have a lot of personal experience in many of the behaviors she has been exhibiting.


All I have to tell you is you need to get out. Whether that means letting her down easily or taking her to a hospital and admitting her for fear of self-destruction, you need to get out.

You have your OWN problems. Just because she was there for you doesn't mean no one else would have been. She was just there at the time and it could have been anyone. Let me tell you, a stable person would have been a lot more helpful to your situation.

You may feel like you and her can relate, but the reality is you guys are MAGNIFYING each other's problems and it is blaring loud and clear. You wouldn't be feeling this way if she wasn't around (at first maybe, but it goes away and you won't have to live with it getting worse the rest of your life).

You love her... duh! Of course you do. How could you not? But there are other people out there. Stable people. That will love you for you. Even past your problems. Believe me, I KNOW.

And I'm going to have agree that a lot of her behaviors are very bratty, attention-seeking behaviors that you are only making worse by either submitting to them or apologizing for not submitting to them, etc etc, you guys are definitely in a codependent relationship which I know a lot about ....

Just please ... admit her somewhere if you need to, for her safety, but get out of the relationship, it doesn't have to be for forever, but tell her she needs to get better and you need to heal, and you can't do that together because you are destructive to each other.

Good luck.