Calling all Mothers

[Gloryhound]

This is from my wife!

1. Wait until you are married and enjoy a couple years of just being two! This will strengthen your bond with each other which will really help when you have a baby in the house.

2. If you have any plans to further your education wait till that is done at least as it is very difficult to write a paper at 2:00 AM when your baby is sick.

3. All the help in the world is great, but grandma may not be very happy with you dropping the baby off with her while you go to a concert or a hopping club.

4. My wife was 31 when we had our daughter. It has been great and the added finacial security you develop in this time can greatly reduce stress you may encounter at a younger age when you are counting pennies for diapers! Trust us they go through diapers like the Government goes through money.

Our general opinion is it would not hurt to wait until you are at least in your mid to late 20's as it gives you a chance to be you instead of being for the sake of a child, or so it seems. You just became an adult figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. Being a mother or father is a noble thing when taken seriously, but it can easily take away your true identity! (i.e. my wife is known as my daughters mother in the circle of kids and the parents of the kids my daughter plays with! )

[BalloonzForU]

I have two children, one I had at 20 she's now 16, one I had at 27, he's now 10 and now I'm looking at another pregnancy at 37. I wouldn't change a thing because I wouldn't have the beautiful daughter I have now, but I would have had more time to enjoy her had I waited till my mid 20s.

Only you can truly answer your questions as to if this is the right time for you.

[West Coast Jungle]

having kids is a 24/7 job/responsibility. There are no holidays, weekends or days off. Your life will never be the same. When you are young it is all about you, part of being a kid/young is you can only think of yourself. Once you become a parent it aint about you or what you want anymore.

Being a parent is the most impotant responsibility you can ever have and probably the most rewarding as well as the least appreciated. Most kids dont appreciate what their parents do they expect it. That is part of being a kid, only seeing your world.

My 23 year old daughter came over yesterday so she could take a nap, her 8 month old and 4 year old dont really care that she is exhausted and got up for work at 4 am, her husband is working(and not all that helpful) and the only way she could rest is to bring them to me so she could sleep on my couch for a couple of hours. She is agreat mom and tries to do it all her own but 24/7 catches up to the best of them.

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything just telling you like it is. I dont know if you live on your own yet but you might want to get 3-4 years of that under your belt to see how expensive life can be and then realize how much more it costs to take care of a baby, everything from, diapers, formula, medicine, medical insurance, car seats, cribs, clothes, shoes (that last a month if you are lucky), toys, not to mention lack of sleep, and that is for a healthy baby. I am a grandfather now and I have way more free time than my 23 year old daughter. Try babysitting for a whole weekend(nonstop) and you may just get a glimpse of what is in store.

[LadyOhh]

I am not a mother, but I am going to talk about the other side of the coin, as Shondra (David's wife- Gloryhound) had mentioned.

Do you have any more plans to get more education?

If you do, I would say wait. A child is a huge responsibility, and should be priority number ONE, which makes learning and educating very difficult to manage.

Do you have a stable job, home, car, etc??

Can you afford yourself right now? Cause if you can't, you shouldn't have a baby. It will make things 100% harder.

Can you see yourself not travelling, doing important things, or cutting back on things?

If you don't want to NOT travel the world, take vacations when you want, go out at 12AM to party, I would say go for having a kid. It changes EVERYTHING you do and your "freedom".


I am young, older than you, but young. I have no kids, but there is a reason why. I have a steady significant other, and we have plans to marry. BUT our careers, education, and lifestyle have to be SOLID before either of us think into having children (therefore, LATER). I don't want to have a child now and have it suffer because we had it too early. I'd rather be financially and emotionally ready for that commitment, cause you can't take it back once its done.

It is an absolute blessing, and I am looking forward to it 100%. BUT!!! When I get the urge, I just go and borrow a baby from a friend... Maybe that will help you?

[Jay_Bunny]

First and foremost, I do not believe I am too young to have children. I believe maturity has far more weight than how many years I've been on this planet.

Also, I wouldn't dump the baby on my grandmother to go clubbing. I do not party. I do not drink. I rarely leave the house unless for work or running errands. My fiance and I always make time to spend with each other.

I'm not saying I'm not listening to your advice. I understand what you are saying. I need a chance to be me. I know that when I baby comes along things change, and sometimes its not all giggles and fun times.

As for education, I do intend on furthering my education but I'll have to do it slowly and more than likely on the internet. And I want you all to know that I do not have any intention of having a baby NOW. Perhaps in the next 2 years or so, so I'm not jumping into this right now. I'm going to take my time and get everything straight and in place before we even take that plunge into parenthood.

And as for marriage. This is kind of a awkward subject for some but for the sake of the discussion I will say this. My fiance is biologically a woman and therefore, we cannot get married. Maybe not for a few more years. We have been together for almost 4.5 years and live together in a two bedroom townhouse. We basically consider ourselves married, except we don't have the legal papers saying we are.

[LadyOhh]

I hope you are not misconstruing our advice as attacks...

It is meant simply as things to think about.

I really hope that you do get what you want out of life, including children and a marriage to the one you love.

Everyone deserves that.

BUT! It seems as if from your initial request for info, that you were intending to jump in.

And I absolutely applaude you for your relationship. I know how hard it is (not personally, but thru very close friends).

Good luck, Jay You have the forums support in whatever you do.

[Jay_Bunny]

Job:
As for a job, I have been in the same job for almost 2 years. It doesn't pay all that well, but I make enough to pay for everything I need to pay for and also set some aside for hobbies and savings.

Education:
I have stopped taking classes at college for the time being but plan to start taking classes online in the Fall.

Travel:
I rarely travel. I used to go places all the time but I don't have the urge to travel as much anymore. My fiance and I don't go on vacation that often (our last trip was in October and we went to New York for the weekend.) I can live without vacation since I'm not used to it anyway. I am content to be at home.

Partying:
This is something I do not do. My fiance likes to go out to clubs on a very rare occasion but that's all. As for alcohol, we hardly drink. The occasional glass of wine is good for me. And I don't smoke. I'm not into going out at night and partying the night away. Its just not me. I'm that kind of person that likes to stay at home and care for my animals.

^ Just a few tid-bits I thought I'd throw in. As for taking care of a baby for a weekend, the only person we know that has a baby is a long drive away and her baby is almost 2. (She had a baby at 18)

[Jay_Bunny]

I didn't take them as attacks. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm not that kind of young person. I'm not the rebellious post-teen that most 20-something year old are. I'm more of your stay at home and read a good book and care for snakes kind of gal. And I thank you all for your advice, suggestions, and support. I would like to hear from more people though if they want to post. I always love hearing from all points on the spectrum.

[tigerlily]

Only you will know when you're ready for kids, but having said that no one is ever ready for everything a child brings. My biggest question for you is.... are you ready to put YOUR life on hold.... because your life will become solely focused on that new life. It's exhausting and dirty, but truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Financially, no one is ever ready for kids but you should be sure that you are not caring any debt, finish school, and take any trips that you just HAVE to take.

It sounds like you are really looking into this very maturely, and you'll be a wonderful parent when the time comes.

[BalloonzForU]

I hate to say it as I don't find it fair at all, but you need to look into the legal aspect of your relationship and bringing a child into it. There have been many cases in recent years were two women bring a child into their relationship, born maternally to one. The law says the blood(maternal) mom is the only legal parent and the other woman has no legal right because your relationship is not recognized. The law would be the same if the child was adopted as well in most state.


I wish you all the luck and happiness this world has to offer, you both have a long haul ahead of you with todays society, still living in the dark ages.