Cleo...

[MedusasOwl]

Thanks for the hugs, guys... I know it was the right thing to do, and that she's so much better off now... but that doesn't make being without her any easier. Who knew an apartment full of snakes and rabbits could feel so empty. The silence is deafening.

On Tuesday, Cleo was peacefully and gracefully ushered into the next life. I'm so proud of her... she did so good, and it was so surprisingly fast... I felt her head go heavy -I was holding her and whispering to her- and then she was gone.

It's weird how alone I feel now though. I've been shadowed by that co-dependant sweetie for 18 years. Every part of my routine, every piece of furniture, around every corner... she was a huge part of our lives, and every little thing is a painful reminder that she's not here. I've just been trying to distract myself, the less I think the more I can function. Mourning feels like such a selfish thing... I'm not crying for her, she's in a better place... I'm crying for me because I still want her with me and I miss her. Selfish is the love that says "mine"... I know it will get easier with time, but god... for 18 years she was my rock and my security blanket. It'll be a while before I really feel like myself again.

[mxrider42]

I am sorry for your loss. Here is an email I got. Even though it is about a dog, i think it applies to all pets.
Hope this helps
Trey

A Dog's Purpose - from a 6-year-old



I am a veterarian and had been called to examine a very sick ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron and Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform a euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for son Shane to observe the procedure. They felt he might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane was so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. Shane seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than humans.



Shane had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." His next words stunned me; I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

[slartibartfast]

It's okay to mourn. You loved her, and that loss hurts no matter how right it was for her.

[JLC]

Oohhhh Sheree! I'm so sorry! I didn't see this thread and now I feel like I haven't even been there for you.

I am crying for you, hon. Feeling the heartbreak that is just a mere shadow of what you must be really going through. I'm so, so sorry. But please know, dear, that mourning is not selfish. It's natural and healthy. If you try to deny it, it will only fester inside and grow ever more bitter instead of allowing the sweetness of memories to fill in those empty places. Don't hide from it...feel it...walk through it...so you can come out the other side and find healing.

I've never met anyone as devoted to their animals as you. Cleo had a beautiful life with you. Heaven on earth with someone who loved her so dearly. No kitty could ever have asked for more.

[cassandra]

*biiiig huug*

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Wow...that is beautiful.

[Lucero87]

The real miracle is that you got to spend all those years with her, just think about that and i know that when people tell you to think about all the good times, it helps but there's still pain. She enjoyed the lifestyle you gave her and you know you gave her a top notch quality of life. That's all that matters.

[MedusasOwl]

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

That is absolutely beautiful, I copied it to my LJ, thank you.

No worries, Judy, I miss a LOT of threads on a regular basis. Thank you.

She really did have a good life... I'm glad she could have an equally good death. Eventually, all the little things that keep setting me into tears will get better... for now though, its just one day at a time.

[Rakshasi]

I just wanted to say sorry for your loss, and offer huge hugs to you. Everyone has said such nice things, I wasn't going to respond, because I didn't think it'd matter. But, knowing exactly how it feels to lose a beloved animal companion, I just couldn't resist any longer. At between 16 and 17 years of age (which is impressive for a dog!) my best friend (and the dog that was there for all those beginning years of my life) was euthanised. That was back in 2004, and I still get a little choked up over it in front of people. When I'm alone, I do miss him and allow myself to mourn a bit, again. No, it isn't as bad as it used to be...when I thought I'd never feel the same again. But, it's still a longing to have that dog in my arms again (he was a Cocker Spaniel, easy to pick up for me).

I do hope you find healing...mourn as much as you need to. Years down the road, you'll probably still miss her, but know that you aren't alone. *hugs* I'll send a message to my pup to look out for Cleo, if you believe in that type of thing.

[MedusasOwl]

Thank you, Raven, it does help to hear that. It's so hard when they're SO much a part of your home and your life and it seems like they always have been... It helps to be reminded by people who've been through it that though we'll always miss them, it does get easier.

[frankykeno]

Oh Sherrie, I'm so very sorry I missed this thread somehow. My thoughts are with you as you adjust to Cleo's passing. When I was faced with much the same with Puss Kat a few years back it broke me too to put down such an old friend (she was 18 when I had to take that last trip to the vet with her). You and I were both blessed with these lovely cats that became so much more than pets.

Like your Cleo, Puss Kat yowled till she couldn't anymore and was very confused near the end. My vet explained that cats can get a form of ahlzheimers and that also as their other senses dull they call out in a sort like this in a sort of echo location attempt. I'm passing this on to you so you may understand that the calling wasn't cries of distress honey. It sounds awful but it isn't pain anymore than a human with dementia is in physical pain and it's something that a lot of very aged cats do. I hope that bit of knowledge comforts you as it did me.

Big hugs and I know that in your pain you honor this lovely animal and her time with you. There are few living things in our lives that give us as much as a beloved pet does. I'm so sorry her time on this earth has passed but I'm so proud of you for letting her go with peace and love when her quality of life was no longer there.

I will always miss my own sweet old cat, but over the years the pain is gone and only the smiles remain when I think of her. I think she and Cleo deserve the honor of those smiles of joy remembered.