Thanks for the hugs, guys... I know it was the right thing to do, and that she's so much better off now... but that doesn't make being without her any easier. Who knew an apartment full of snakes and rabbits could feel so empty. The silence is deafening.

On Tuesday, Cleo was peacefully and gracefully ushered into the next life. I'm so proud of her... she did so good, and it was so surprisingly fast... I felt her head go heavy -I was holding her and whispering to her- and then she was gone.

It's weird how alone I feel now though. I've been shadowed by that co-dependant sweetie for 18 years. Every part of my routine, every piece of furniture, around every corner... she was a huge part of our lives, and every little thing is a painful reminder that she's not here. I've just been trying to distract myself, the less I think the more I can function. Mourning feels like such a selfish thing... I'm not crying for her, she's in a better place... I'm crying for me because I still want her with me and I miss her. Selfish is the love that says "mine"... I know it will get easier with time, but god... for 18 years she was my rock and my security blanket. It'll be a while before I really feel like myself again.