helping people help themselves... frustrating!

[wolfy-hound]

Back off from her for right now. You can't make the decision for her. The best thing for you to do, is to be there when she calls, and tell her to leave him. Telling her that she is not responsible for his family, or him, or anyone other than her kids and herself repeatedly might eventually get that thought to imbed.
You can't help someone that refuses to do what they know they should do. Don't stress yourself out trying to BE her. You can't amke the decision, because it's not you. You want to convince her, but logically, you've done that over and over. Inside she knows that she should leave the situation. But until SHE decides to stand on her hind legs and do it, she will NOT.
I've BEEN where you are, more than once. I've done exactly what you are doing, agonized, stressed, tried, pushed, cried and ranted. Trust me. Just be her friend. Tell her that she deserves to treated like a human being. Tell her she should leave. But please please please... stop killing yourself for her decision. YOU don't deserve the abuse you are putting yourself through.
Please understand, I'm NOT being mean, or uncaring. I know you want to MAKE her understand. I just hate to see a caring good hearted person killing themselves over a friend that refuses to help themselves. If it would help her for you to stress and all, then I'd be the first to say keep on keeping on.
HUGS. It's super hard, and you should talk to someone else, talk about how you feel, and why you feel that way, and help get it out so you don't stress overly much. You can talk without even revealing who you are talking about if necessary.
Take care of yourself sot hat you will be there to help her when she DOES decide to help herself and her kids.