Great stuff. This one is so true.

Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

Why on Earth do girls do this? I thought it was only my girlfriend, then I realized her friends and sister do it too. I'm always saying stuff like, "They'll answer your question in 2 seconds, but none of us will know because you won't STFU!", and "Why do you put movies on if you can't STFU for 2 seconds for the entire 90 minutes?!".

And I'm totally buying some of those ninja t-shirts.