For Justin (stangs13)

[frankykeno]

Okay Justin in order to be fair about this whole football deal I actually forced myself to sit down and watch some of the Michigan Wolverine vs Notre Dame game today with Mike. I then asked my dear husband to explain various positions to me (football positions....ya nasty minded bunch!)

Justin....why did you NOT tell me I would have a huge brain ache! Aren't I a nice lady that's been kind to you! You could have warned me! I believe I've had some sort of cerebral incident here! Perhaps a sub dural bleed of some sort or other!!!!! All this to attempt to wrap my brain around this football thing. Okay the things I have learned today about this game....

- apparently there are about 700 positions to be played and a heck of a lot of men in identical uniforms show up to play them....how anyone keeps all this straight is anybody's guess as far as I saw

- to organize everyone there is apparently a "play book"....Mike indicated to me this is somehow a sacred object....personally I think it's full of squiggles and resembles something akin to a tic tac toe game gone horribly wrong but who am I to say

- there are half backs and full backs and quarter backs....now I don't mean to tell anyone their business but what happened to the 7/8th backs? perhaps a nice 11/16th back? I mean why show preference to certain fractions over others? Does this upset the Math Club?

- I'm pretty sure the free safety wasn't actually "free" nor is there a "paid full retail" safety....this confuses me and I believe some cerebral fluid escaped my left ear at this point!

- now I get the whole "quarterback tosses the ball as many men racing about madly trying to grab it before someone flattens them into the ground" thing...do they ALL HAVE TO HAVE DIFFERENT FLIPPIN NAMES though!...couldn't they just be referred to as the "run like hell and grab the ball" guys? Boy you people just love to complicate the issue don't you! Just when I got that the Wide Receivers run and catch the ball, Mike tells me the Tight Ends also run and catch the ball....well personally I don't care how well muscled your buttocks are....you should just be a Receiver like the other fella!

- okay what's up with the little guy that comes out, kicks the ball and then goes away never to be seen again? Do the other players not like him and therefore refuse to let him run and catch the ball and get smooshed like all the other nice boys? Seems a tad unfair to the poor little ball kickin fool.

- what is UP with those referree people...they sort of move like this yell a lot of incoherent words and wave their arms about....most of time it appears that they are having some sort of seizure???? Is anyone really paying any attention to them or are they there to pass time while people grab another beer?

- it's my vague understanding that there are 4 quarters in a game....each quarter is supposed to be 15 minutes....add in some sort of half-time band stomping about the field event...so why does a football game take 4 hours? Is there some sort of black hole time that football fields are built in? Does the Science Club study this?

- I'm still terribly confused about why the one fellow bends over and the other fellow crouches behind him. Does the bendy over guy ever worry about passing gas? Is there some sort of rule about this? There also seems to be a guy with a towel hanging from his butt? Does this embarrass him to be the towel boy? I mean you'd think they could each bring their own towel! Not so much to ask really. Perhaps since the kicking fellow isn't terribly busy he could remind everyone about the bring your own towel rule?

I've had to make a coffee and take 2 tylenol's and I haven't even started to learn about offense and defense yet and why one guy can't be both (or can he be? oh lordy my brain is SPRAINED!!!)

[JLC]

Joanna....you are utterly and undeniably priceless!!!

[catawhat75]

Ugh Michigan? Is he trying to torture you? The team up north is ICKY!

Oh and Jo, if you can learn genetics, you can learn football. I have faith in ya

[frankykeno]

Thanks hon. Mike finally stopped explaining plays to me when I threatened to curl up in the corner in a fetal position. Something about a Hail Mary play....funny all these years.....I never knew Mike was a Catholic.

[frankykeno]

Ugh Michigan? Is he trying to torture you? The team up north is ICKY!

Oh and Jo, if you can learn genetics, you can learn football. I have faith in ya

Not my fault dear, I'm a Canadian married to an American from Michigan. I'm sort of stuck with Michigan teams being married to a sports mad husband (I squeezed in our son's birth during a Red Wings play off series).

Genetics is easy.....punnet squares I get. Football makes no sense at all. Perhaps if they would just do something rather than run about madly for 2.3 seconds then stand about congratulating each other for 10 minutes...well it might interest me more. Or they could put on skates! That rocks!

Oh btw since we've moved to Ohio...is there some sort of strange custom here where apparently during a single Ohio vs Michigan football game the locals become crazy???? I'm a bit afraid to mention we're from Michigan. :eek:

[catawhat75]

If all else fails, they look good in those pants, lol. And did you tell Mike that even IF he is from Michigan, he lives in Ohio, home of the BUCKEYES???

[Sunny1]

HAHAHAHAHA!! Joanna, that is too funny!!! I tried watching football with my husband once...... I guess I asked him too many questions and he kicked me out....LOL. ****sighs**** Oh well, I am only allowed to watch the superbowl now, and I only do that for the commercials (I know that you are talking about college football, but my husband only watches NFL). I have been slightly dissapointed in the commercials the last couple of years, though.

[Jonny2184]

LOL, I couldn't help but laugh at this one! Way too funny for my blood you are!
My favorite position is the tight end. I just think it's a funny name for a football position.
Maybe you should stick with something easier like Ping Pong or Frisby. There's only one position... I think! lol *jj*
Anyway, thanks for puting a smile on my face, and probably a few other people! lol

[catawhat75]

Oh btw since we've moved to Ohio...is there some sort of strange custom here where apparently during a single Ohio vs Michigan football game the locals become crazy???? I'm a bit afraid to mention we're from Michigan. :eek:

And yes, we become even more nuts during that game, lol. If its bad up there, imagine how it is here in Columbus, no one in their right mind wears the team up north stuff during that weekend unless they want trouble!

[frankykeno]

Well I must say I do enjoy the whole tight pants thing. It's my belief that the team that employs the quarterback with the nicest bum should just win whatever trophy or other is up for grabs.

People in Ohio are nuts! They actually advised people from Michigan driving in for the last game to not park a vehicle with MI plates in certain areas! I suppose teaching young Michael to chant "Go Blue! Bucks Suck!" isn't a very good idea.

Sunny I think a lot of people are just watching to see if there's another "wardrobe malfunction". I actually was watching that game. Typical me I was up getting somebody a beer when Janet flashed the world. I missed the only darned interesting bit in that whole game! (sure Janet, it was a "malfunction", just like your freak of a brother hasn't had much plastic surgery )

Okay I'll admit it, I only went to the Super Bowl deal for the snacks okay! That's one American tradition I've really grown to enjoy.