don't know what's going on....

[python.princess]

is anybody else with somebody who has a child from a previous relationship? if so, how do you deal with his/her ex? matt has a 3 year old son, ben. ben's mom, jamie, is really grinding on my nerves lately. i just wrote out an explanation of what's going on, but it was way to long to post! lol. long story short, she's always acted like she's so much better at parenting than us. but last week, she saw our apartment for the first time in ben's life (we always have to make the hour drive to pick him up and drop him off) and saw that we aren't doing too bad for ourselves. all of the sudden, she wanted us to take him, as soon as possible, for at least a month. after she complained about us not taking care of him on the weekends(bull). she seemed really desparate to get rid of him. she's been jumping around from job to job (quiting cuz she doesn't like it) and from one apartment to another. and even when she does have her own place, she stays with friends all the time just for the hell of it. so ben never knows where he's gonna be sleeping any given night. eats nothing but junk food, drinks soda, which i think is not acceptable for a 3yo. expecially considering bad teeth run in the family. and he's constantly watching tv and never hears the word "no." according to her myspace page, she's always partying....

we love having ben and matt's really excited about getting him for so long. but when it's time to give him back, it's gonna be really hard. it drives me insane that jamie basically has the power to control our lives. the custody agreement says that matt can have him when it's "agreeable" to jamie. our place is a hell of a lot more stable than when he's with her, but unless we can prove her unfit, we don't have a chance in hell of getting physical placement. and i have a feeling that at the end of this visit, it's gonna end up turning into a custody battle.

i dunno... just had to blow some steam i guess. anybody else ever have problems like this? i don't want to seem like i'm trying to take her kid away from her or anything, but i think she needs to get her act together... i'm just gonna stop now. i think i've said enough for the moment....

[joepythons]

The only advice is contact your lawyer and provide all this proof you have on her.The never having a stable place for him to sleep and the just wanting you to take him for lengths of time should show she is not a stable parent.I would document everything she says and does that you can show the judge when it comes time.If she sees that you are serious she may back down and give you custody without a fight.

[itsazoohere]

Contact a lawyer now and then while you have him for that month make sure you document everything she does or doesn't do. Like will she call him or does she return calls etc... This will help you if/when it goes to court.

I've not been thru what you are going thru but I have several friends that have it was not pretty the fight to get the kids. However it will be much easier if she drops him off then has little or no contact by her doing not yours.

Good Luck!! for that little boys sake I hope it works out in the end in your and his favor.

Michele

[Shadowspider]

Been there, done that, only it was with my oldest daughter. The ex and his (now ex) girlfriend thought they were perfect in every way... until they came to pick up Sabena and she flat out told her father that she didn't want to go back to his house because she didn't like the roaches and "Mom doesn't have roaches in her house".

Needless to say, it did NOT make him back up, it made him and his g/f dig in their heels and fight like mad. They accused me and my husband of all sorts of things, even called social services on us for abuse... which SS dropped due to our daughter having been "coached" into her statement by her father and g/f.

It is so sad that this is happening to you guys and to that little boy.
A partying, possibally drug addicted (most heavy partiers are who are willing to let their kid go for a month at a time generally have some issues that need resolving) parent can and usually is, the most volital (sp?) person on the planet. She may be fine with you guys taking the child for long stretches of time... until she finds out that you two may want to *keep* him.... that's when things tend to change and the nasty battles tend to begin.

I would discuss it with the boy's father and the two of you decide what you want to do. Take the child to the doctor for a physical at the *beginning* of the visit, then again at the end of the visit. Take him to a child psycologist for evauation and yes, contact your attorney and talk with him.

It will do you little good in court if the only proof you have is "my word against yours" and "this is what I think is going on based on what she is doing". You'll need physical proof. You can not record conversations without her verbal consent and, unless you're willing to hire a PI, you can't play PI yourself, that's stalking.

Knowing something isn't right and being able to prove it are two very different things and family court is the most viscious, most difficult court to step into.
Be prepared if you two want to try and get custody, talk to your lawyer and... read EVERY word of the custody order... every word. Make sure she is abiding by *every word* of it... and that the two of you are. If she is not holding up her end of it, start working on "proving" her instability and failure to comply with a court order.

[joepythons]

I HATE people that use the kid/kids as pawns whenever someone gets a divorce or breakup !

[joepythons]

I HATE people that use the kid/kids as pawns whenever someone gets a divorce or breakup !

Just so no one misunderstands my comment here its towards the ex(mom) here not you

[chris B]

Sounds like a HUGE headache, and lots of tylenol. But I agree that its kinda strange, how she just change's her whole mind about him *the kid* staying with you. But... on the other hand some people are just looney like that.

[nebby3103]

Contact a lawyer now and then while you have him for that month make sure you document everything she does or doesn't do. Like will she call him or does she return calls etc... This will help you if/when it goes to court.

Good Luck!! for that little boys sake I hope it works out in the end in your and his favor.

Michele

Yep. Get a lawyer right away. Then, get a litlte notebook and a pen and write down EVERYTHING. All of her actions, all of her utterances (or lack of either); anything that goes toward proving she's not fit to take care of Ben. Write down the dates on which these things occur if you can. Those little log books can be invaluable in a whole variety of legal situations. Memories can fade, get in in writing.

[Kristy]

Yes, Get an attorney asap. My sons biological father is a theif, a liar and a drug addict. I left him cause of the drugs, the abuse towards me and at the time our 4 month old child.

My husband now adopted him and his father is now sitting in prison. I have been through this. I have lots of advice to give. It very frustrating I know.

My stepdad is also an attorney and if you have any questions please pm me and I can ask him. The laws may be different in different states but at least I can help with a general idea.

I know exactly what you are going through so if you need to talk don't hesitate.
Kristy

[python.princess]

thank you guys for the advice. and yeah, i told matt yesterday that we need to start a journal... actually, i wish we had one going already... lol. i know that every woman thinks she's a better mother but..... i dunno. it's just so frustrating. i'm very interested to see the changes in ben at the end of the month. as far as potty training progress, tv habits, eating habits, attitude (he seems very used to getting his way with EVERYHING), and his health. seems like he's always sick with something else.... we'll see i guess.