For Chicagoans

[PythonWallace]

You know if someone is from southern, middle or northern Illinois as soon as they open their mouth.

When you say "the city" - you mean Chicago.

You don't pronounce the "S" in Illinois like the rest of the world.

Down south to you means Kentucky

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines"

You think Chicago is a completely different state from Illinois.

You drink "pop."

Chicago has only two seasons: winter and construction.

If they can dye the river green on one day, why can't they dye it blue the other 364?

You know Elvis is dead because he's registered to vote in Chicago.

~*~

In Chicago politics, if you're losing, you can always go dig up a couple more votes.

~*~

Chicago was founded when someone visited New York and said, "I like the crime, the crowding and the poverty, but I think it should be colder."

You know the difference between The Loop and Downtown.
You measure distance in minutes. As in, "it's about fifteen minutes from here."
You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.
You know dead people who voted.
You know how to pronounce Des Plaines.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. As in, "If you're going to the store, I wanna come with."
Da is a proper definite article.
You expect corruption in local politics.
Anything south of I-80 is southern Illinois.
You can distinguish between the 312, 773, 630, 708, 217 815 and 847 area codes.
You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You have used furniture to guard your parking space in the winter.
You understand what "lake-effect" means.
You know what goes on a Chicago style hot dog.

The steal bars on the windows in Cicero aren't for decoration. Neither are the ones in Maywood, Broadvies, The Westside, the South West side, the South side or the Northwest side.

You know where these Sides start and end.

It's not legal to carry a gun, but that doesn't stop anybody from having at least a Mac-10 under their seat.

You know not to take Roosevelt from Des Plains Ave. to Harlem at any point on Sunday.

Police don't take you in for DUI. They pull everything out of your car, kick the $*** out of you (even if you are laying on the ground half passed out drunk), take your money, then pick you up and put you back in your car.

Police don't ask for ID if you are stopped. They simply check your mouth, tag of your shirt, socks, scrotum and butt, then let you go. If they find dope they punch you in the kidney and take it, but then you can go. If it's crappy dope they do the same, but the punch you twice and yell at you for waisting their time.

If you like to wear black and red, you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear Black and gray, you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear black and gold you know what areas you don't travel to. If you wear black and beige you can'r go anywhere without being beat, stabbed or shot.

You know about lower Wacker and it's inhabitants.

You know that wearing Cubbie blue on the South side id more dangerous than any of the above mensioned colors, as is wearing a Sox jersey up North.

You know what the nation's real K-town is, and not to go near it.

You know what the wild hundreds are, and not to go near them.

You know that Maywood is no safer during the day than it is at night.

It is common to see a 28 year old man with his 15 year old son and his friends selling crack.

It is common for a black girl to beat your manly @$$.

It is just as common for a group of gangbangers to beat up a girl.

Although rare, I have seen a drive-by done by canoe late at night.

You know the differences between the Blue line, the other blue line, the yellow line, the red line, the green line, the brown line, the purple line and the orange line, but you know that they all suck.

[SarahMB]

Haha, I didn't understand *any* of those! I don't get out of Texas much

[lillyorchid]

LOL

Here is Baltimore's / Maryland's:

Welcome to Baltimore

* First you must learn to pronounce the city name.... It is Bawl-mer or Ball-tee-more, depending on if you live north or south of Rt. 40.
* Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If it is a Howard County map and is a day old it is already obsolete.
* On Monday you don't wash your clothes, you warsh them. Before you eat a meal you don't wash your hands, you warsh them in wooder.
* Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere, Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules...."Hold on & pray."
* There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore ... we all drive like that.
* All directions start with... "The Beltway...."....which has no beginning and no end.
* The morning rush hour is from 6am to 11am, the evening rush hour is from 1pm to 7pm... Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
* If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to 5 when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing into all 5 drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. However, if you don't go as soon as it turns green, you get the finger, a blowing horn, or both.
* Construction on I-97 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Interesting that it's called an "interstate," it runs only from the Beltway to Annapolis. Opening in 1992, it has been torn up and under re-construction ever since. (Does former Gov. Glendenning have any relatives who build highways?)
* All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase "Oh, we're in GLIMBURNIE!"
* If someone actually has their turn signal on it is probably a factory defect.
* Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
* All old ladies with blue hair and Buicks have the right of way. PERIOD
* All roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections.
* A trip across town (north to south) will take a minimum of four hours, although the tunnel does have, on occasion, more than one lane open. But never on holiday weekends.
* The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85mph, anything less is considered downright sissy.
* The Beltway is our daily version of NASCAR.
* If the humidity is 98+ and the temperature is 98+ it's May/June/July/August/September.
* If it is 10 degrees, it is Orioles Opening Day.
* If it is 110 degrees, it is opening day at Ravens Stadium.
* If you go to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7500.00 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
* If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness ... run over him! It's probably not his yard anyway.

Oh yeah... Welcome to Baltimore, Hon!


Sad but A LOT of these are very true.

[Shelby]

I can certainly identify with some of those.. lol.