I need help with my life

[RoyalGuardian]

I am tired of always being picked on, pushed around, and disrespected by my adoptive parents. honestly they are the reason I have so many suicidle thoughts. I just feel like my life is worthless to them. they could have cared less that my blood donation went horribly wrong this week( took me less than 5 min to fill up a pint bag of blood. I blacked out and couldn't wake up, threw up and went into shock) . My best friend had to come get me. If it wasn't for him and My Kyna girl i would be out of here. I want whats best for kyna and if I ran away she would probably be killed by my dad. I love my best friend like he was my husband and I want to marry him someday but until then I have to endure hell everyday. You are all considered friends of mine and I want you to know that it means alot to me that you would read this little blurb on my life. My parents never listen to me and just the thought of you taking time out of your life and you not even knowing me, makes me feel not so alone. What do I do? I want to meet my biological family soooo badly but im not allowed to. I know where my father lives and could call him if I really wanted to.. Should I just go with the flow and wait until next year to meet him or do I just call him up and tell him that I really need him in my life. Its killing me inside and I need help. what would you do??

[Vomitore]

I am tired of always being picked on, pushed around, and disrespected by my adoptive parents. honestly they are the reason I have so many suicidle thoughts. I just feel like my life is worthless to them. they could have cared less that my blood donation went horribly wrong this week( took me less than 5 min to fill up a pint bag of blood. I blacked out and couldn't wake up, threw up and went into shock) . My best friend had to come get me. If it wasn't for him and My Kyna girl i would be out of here. I want whats best for kyna and if I ran away she would probably be killed by my dad. I love my best friend like he was my husband and I want to marry him someday but until then I have to endure hell everyday. You are all considered friends of mine and I want you to know that it means alot to me that you would read this little blurb on my life. My parents never listen to me and just the thought of you taking time out of your life and you not even knowing me, makes me feel not so alone. What do I do? I want to meet my biological family soooo badly but im not allowed to. I know where my father lives and could call him if I really wanted to.. Should I just go with the flow and wait until next year to meet him or do I just call him up and tell him that I really need him in my life. Its killing me inside and I need help. what would you do??

How exactly are you picked on, pushed around and dsrespected by your parents? This can help a lil on giving advice to you.

[RoyalGuardian]

They make fun of me all the time. they tell me that I will never amount to anything. They harrass me about everything and even when I try really hard to do everything they ask of me perfectly they always find the smallest hint of a problem and blow up at me. There isnt a night that I'm not yelled at and sent to my room. I try so hard at school and stuff but I'm not perfect and thats what they want. They wont settle for less than perfect.

[SarahMB]

I don't think anyone can really advise you on what to do, not knowing the people involved, but I would definitely tell you to be prepared for rejection or disappointment if you do decide to contact your birth family members.
I tracked down my birth mother when I was 21, and we rarely talk. When we do, it's pretty awkward and not at all fulfilling. I also know some adoptive/birth people that have reunited, and even when it's good, it's still a lot of hard work to build something that resembles a relationship. I don't know a single person who has said meeting solved any problems or was in any way an easy step to take.
My heart is with you, whatever you decided. I do know how hard this decision is to make, and the consequences are never what was expected.

[Vomitore]

Also, with your comment of suicidal thoughts, here's my view. I live by this actually ... No matter how bad you have it, someone else has it WAY worse then you. It's hard if you say what happens with you is true. But the best way tp deal with it is to talk to a teacher at school. Tell them what is going on and go from there.

[RoyalGuardian]

Thank you. sorry to hear about your birth mom but I think my dad and I may get along really well. We are both into computers(geek runs in my blood i guess) he is a software designer in san diego and I am in school to learn how to become a 3-D Computer graphics animator. I think that.. I will give him a call. Cross your fingers for me if you would cause I will need alot of love and support to get through this. Hopefully he will be responsive and friendly. cause the goddess knows what will happen to my heart if I'm rejected. I have been let down so many times in my life and I hope this isnt another one of those times.

[Broseph]

Isn't there a social worker that is involved when people adopt? if not talk to a counsler at school. but you should diffenetly talk to someone if you are having any kinda of thought like that..best of luck, hope things get better for you.

[RoyalGuardian]

Also, with your comment of suicidal thoughts, here's my view. I live by this actually ... No matter how bad you have it, someone else has it WAY worse then you. It's hard if you say what happens with you is true. But the best way tp deal with it is to talk to a teacher at school. Tell them what is going on and go from there.

I know but that isnt my life. all I want are parents who love me and I need to know if this heart break will go away if I get love from atleast one parent of mine. all my life i have been treated like dirt, or a rock in someones shoe, or one of those itches you can't seem to scratch well enough to satisfy. I know people are starving around the world but im starving too but im love starved(cept from my friends). Its all I want is a mom to tell me how pretty I look or a father who supports my wants in life.

[AzureN1ght]

How long have you been with this particular adoptive family? Is the way they're treating you a new phenomenon? Have you talked to them about how they make you feel?

[SarahMB]

Its all I want is a mom to tell me how pretty I look or a father who supports my wants in life.

Heh, I know exactly how that feels, it's all I've ever wanted as well. My father is dead, I rejected my adoptive mom, and my birth mom is a dud. I have to borrow other people's parents a lot, like when Becky and her mom helped me shop for Lobby Day.

I really hope things go well if you make that call. I'm not into gods or goddesses, but as a humanist, I'll certainly be here if you have questions or just want to talk. I'm not at all shy about sharing the details of my own experience, and now I'm a parent of my own 15 yr old daughter, so I believe I have some insight. Maybe even a little wisdom