I need some real serious help/advice, and to vent too i guess

[adizziedoll]

I don't know what to do anymore -

I've know this girl since she was 11 - a little wild child she is, but nevertheless, I love her with all my heart ... my "little sister" she is. She's a VERY smart girl, has perseverance to finish her night school program, and would make an excellent cosmetologist one day with a little school. She could really make something of herself - i just know it!!!

The problem is, she came to me about 2 months ago to tell me she was doing dope and she wanted out. I talked to her, gave her counciling her if you will ... after that she slipped a few times but proclaimed 2 weeks later that she had stopped. This made me so happy - the last thing i want in this world is for this amazing, perfectly capable human being that I love to the end of time to end up on the streets or dead.

Now her boyfriend (i guess now ex) called me this morning and told me he found a bag of heroin in her room last night. She was allegedly high as a kite and scratching - i know this is a hard drug to stop doing, and I am scared to death.

Last time I talked to her about it, she didn't want to cut ties with her "friends" because she didn't want to make anyone mad. Grrr... now we all know these people aren't her friends, and we all know she's never going to stop if the temptation is always there - they call her everyday and beg her to join them in their misery. She doesn't want to go with rehab because she doesn't think it'll work and she start up again when she gets out. "She's not the "rehab type"" - authority in general is not her thing. Ugh, with whatever suggestions I have, there's just no solution. I think a lot of it is excuses, so she can continue. All I can do (i think, and this is where you guys come in) is council and talk to her, and try to guide her to making some decisions here.

Sorry this is so long - im so worried, and really just had to vent. Anyone have any suggestions?

[tmlowe5704]

Though authority may not be her thing, try to get her to see the people who love her who are not hurting because of her addiction. One of my elementary school friends dad was a coke addict and did it often. He tried rehab after a while and it worked for a week or so then he was back at it and it took until his family moved out and refused to talk to him for him to realize what he is losing all for a few hour high.

[Laooda]

........Oh sweetie... I'm soo sorry you haft to go through this.
Her saying this, "She's not the "rehab type"" is classic addict talk. I'm sure there are other people that might be able to offer a more trained outlook, but from my experience (NOT AS A USER, BUT A FRIEND TO ONE)... You have some big red flags goin up. not wanting to go to treatment, not wanting to cut ties, these scream "help me! I think, well... not really, I think"......
What I was advised to do with a friend that was in a similar situation with eating pills was wait until I noticed he was messed up, to call the police for an involuntary pick up. This may or may not work. If she's in a "scratchy" state... get her in the car and take her to a state hospital... (trick her if need be, and have help with you)??? The thing is... if she's high she won't pass evaluation as sane, and she might receive some help???
These are things we were about to put into place with a friend... it never got to this stage, as his wife left him, and he had to move home to his mother. (Yes we told her he was using)... and after getting REALLY pissed at us, because her son would never do that... she noticed in a short time that he did have a very bad problem and got him into treatment.
At the same time....several months ago, one of my friends had a very similar situation with her close friend... two days after we discussed what worked, and didn't...(sitting down with all his close friends and calling his bluff, taking all his bottles, crying, screaming) , etc... they found him dead in his apartment. He had ODosed... So, there is a strong possibility that she might shoot too much, or get bad stuff, and then she's gone. Poof! Knowing that she's dealing with such a dangerous monster, having her pissed at you for getting her into treatment somehow is small in comparison to not having her at all....
Hope some of this helps? Best wishes, and a big fat hug... Laura

[wolfy-hound]

The major thing to remember is.. It's HER choice to do drugs, or to get help. Soo don't feel that it's somehow your fault, that you aren't doing enough to help her etc. I'm not saying don't try to help her, but if you offer help every single day, and she turns it down every single day, don't feel as if its all your fault. The guilt will do nothing but tear you down.
I'd second the get her snatched up while high to be taken in. But if she doens't want to quit, she won't quit. End of story. No one can Make her want to quit. You can talk to her, and BE BLUNT. Tell her "Honey, I'm afraid I'll find you dead one day. That would really just kill me inside. You should really quit for YOU."
Anything you want to try that's legal, try it.. the alternative is her OD-ing and/or ruining her life in the mydrid other ways available to a drug addict.
HUGS to you, and remember no matter what happens, it isn't YOUR choice that she is doing drugs. Keep yourself as strong as possible to better be able to help her. In fact, you could look into counciling for yourself as well.
Wolfy

[joyful girl]

Honestly, If the person doesn't want to quit then rehab will not work.
They may go through the motions but will start up again once they are out.

They really have to want to get clean in order for addicts to take it seriously.

[Vomitore]

Simple. Hard love. You gotta be as hard as you can be on her. It may hurt you as much as it may seem to hurt her but you CANT let her walk all over you. My mom, dad and sis are all addicts and I've seen this all too many times. They say "I'm fine and I'm not using" ... BS. Then make them prove it to you. Have them take a drug test whenever you want to. Addicts feed off the weak and caring. It's just what they do, and they'll do it as long as they can. If it means that you shut her out of your life then so be it. Trust me, I may sound like a total jerk right now but it's what you HAVE to do.

[lillyorchid]

My cousin is 32 now. He is still a druggie. He has been doing drugs as long as I can remember. Everyone in my family has tried to help him time after time. He's been in and out of jail. He doesn't want help so we all know now that unless he wants help, our help is going to do nothing. We no longer give him money or anything. We don't answer his calls or unknown phone #'s because it's more then liky him asking for money, etc. If he shows up at our house - we call the cops, etc. We cut him off a few years ago. Sad to say but we are all just waiting for that one phone call saying they found him dead somewhere. Also when they say they are clean... BS. Don't beleive it unless they can prove it to you like said above.

[Vomitore]

My cousin is 32 now. He is still a druggie. He has been doing drugs as long as I can remember. Everyone in my family has tried to help him time after time. He's been in and out of jail. He doesn't want help so we all know now that unless he wants help, our help is going to do nothing. We no longer give him money or anything. We don't answer his calls or unknown phone #'s because it's more then liky him asking for money, etc. If he shows up at our house - we call the cops, etc. We cut him off a few years ago. Sad to say but we are all just waiting for that one phone call saying they found him dead somewhere. Also when they say they are clean... BS. Don't beleive it unless they can prove it to you like said above.

When my sis calls my no one answers. Shes been in jail a bunch of times and has had help too many times. However for a long time my grandma would give her money which would tick me off big time and of course that let my sis latch onto her cause my grandma would give her money. When all is said and done the addict who doesn't care about themself sure as hell won't give a damn about anyone else. It's just their twisted thinking.

[recycling goddess]

Honestly, If the person doesn't want to quit then rehab will not work.
They may go through the motions but will start up again once they are out.

They really have to want to get clean in order for addicts to take it seriously.

actually that's not always the case. the reality is... when they are high or jonesin for a fix... they don't want to get clean... but once they get all the drugs out of their system and have trained professionals to assist them to see just how bad their life was and how great it has the potential of becoming... many choose to stay clean.

but making that decision when they are addicted... isn't something they can all do.

that's the whole point of rehab. to get them clean and sober and seeing reality.

[Vomitore]

actually that's not always the case. the reality is... when they are high or jonesin for a fix... they don't want to get clean... but once they get all the drugs out of their system and have trained professionals to assist them to see just how bad their life was and how great it has the potential of becoming... many choose to stay clean.

but making that decision when they are addicted... isn't something they can all do.

that's the whole point of rehab. to get them clean and sober and seeing reality.

I think what joyful is saying is that it can take YEARS or even decades for someone to come to wits end and finally want to get off of drugs. I think the actually percentage of people who stay clean is only like 8% from what I remember. It takes atleast 3-5 relapses (if youre lucky) before some addicts see the light. Most never do, nor do they even care to see what they themselves are, or have become.