Prayers/Best Wishes Please....

[frankykeno]

As some of you will remember our own Chris (Cueball) was kind enough to gift my 5 year old son, Mikey, with a lovely 06 female ball python in October of this year. Seven days ago Helori disappeared from her tub. I was helping Mike clean tubs and was far, far too tired to be working with the snakes. Though it was unintentional, one moment of my inattention, one binder clip not replaced properly and the little beauty that our son loves so much escaped.

To make the situation worse we had just relocated all the BP's from our secure BP room to a much more open family room due to some problems with keeping the old room properly heated. Had Helori escaped in the old room she would have been quickly located as it had been "snake proofed". The family room while warmer is open to the rest of the house and has the old fashioned large vent heating so it's likely Helori is gone forever. We couldn't feel any worse about this and of course informed Chris and spoke with him privately. Now the next problem if this situation wasn't bad enough.....

What in the world should we do about Mikey? We've managed to avoid him knowing Helori is gone this past week with excuses and so forth. He's had a touch of the flu so hasn't been all that interested in holding or feeding his snake anyways. If he was a bit older (he's only 5) I would say to tell him the truth and deal with his sorrow and likely being angry that mom lost his snake. At 5 though he really doesn't understand death and loss all that much.

So two choices really....

#1 Tell him the truth and just deal with whatever fallout occurs.

#2 Quietly buy a similar snake and say nothing.

Personally I hate, hate, hate lying to my kids on any matter but Mikey has never lost a pet, didn't seem to understand when his Great Grandpa died awhile ago and I'm just not sure if it's kind to expect him to handle his pet snake being lost to him. Is it kinder to just get another snake and spare him the upset? I also don't like the idea of "replacing" a snake like they didn't mean much....Helori meant a lot to all of us and especially precious because she was Mikey's and a gift from a friend...but I don't want to hurt our little boy more than necessary.

Advice please folks and also prayers and best wishes. We are still holding out a faint hope that Helori has survived and is somewhere in this huge old house hiding but realistically I doubt it.

My favorite picture of Mikey and Helori (lordy but as a mom this is just breaking my heart folks).....


I also wanted to post this thread as a warning to others. I know the rules about keeping snakes, I'm nearly anal in locking down the snakes and I still did this. I learned a valuable lesson in a horrible way....don't work with these lovely creatures if you aren't fully able to focus on what you are doing. If I could go back and do it over I should have known I was far, far too tired and distracted and just let Mike do all the tubs. Knowing my own limits has always been an issue for me and in this case beautiful Helori and our son Mikey are going to pay the price for my own stupidity.

Our thanks to Chris for being very understanding about this. You're a great guy Chris and I'm so sorry about this happening.

[ZEKESMOM]

First let me say that I am very sorry that you have lost Helori It is terrible to lose a pet especially when you feel at fault. I have been in this situation myself with one of my now dearly departed cats. You can not blame yourself. Being a mom I know "all" that we just "have" to do or we do not feel we are doing the best we can. As for telling your son or replacing it..sounds like the little guy has been through more than his share of "life experiences" lately especially with his great grandpa dieing, but I think I would tell him the truth. Use it as a learning experience for him. I don't mean this in a cruel way, just that things happen in life that we have to learn to handle and deal with. After you explain what has happened also tell him that if he wants another snake(which I am sure he will...what little boy wouldn't!) he can go and pick out his snake whenever he feels he is ready for a new one. This is just my opinion and I hope it helps in some way

[lillyorchid]

I hope he does turn up, but in the mean time do tell him the truth. I remember to this day a few lies my parents told me when I was really young. Like ZekesMom said above, if the snake does not show back up then and your son wants a snake, then you can two can pick out one together when the time id right.

[tmlowe5704]

First let me say that I am very sorry that you have lost Helori It is terrible to lose a pet especially when you feel at fault. I have been in this situation myself with one of my now dearly departed cats. You can not blame yourself. Being a mom I know "all" that we just "have" to do or we do not feel we are doing the best we can. As for telling your son or replacing it..sounds like the little guy has been through more than his share of "life experiences" lately especially with his great grandpa dieing, but I think I would tell him the truth. Use it as a learning experience for him. I don't mean this in a cruel way, just that things happen in life that we have to learn to handle and deal with. After you explain what has happened also tell him that if he wants another snake(which I am sure he will...what little boy wouldn't!) he can go and pick out his snake whenever he feels he is ready for a new one. This is just my opinion and I hope it helps in some way

x2

Let him learn now

[Blu Mongoose]

Good luck in finding your snake. You will need to tell him sooner our later, sooner may help in the long run. Kids are so intent on things that I'm sure he would want to help look for his snake. He will probably feel better if you let him help look. When I lost small animals as a child I spent hrs. looking which for the most part meant the recovery of the pet. Mom and dad never had enough time to devote to finding critters. Sending hugs his way and hope he recovers his snake.

[aaajohnson]

#1 Tell him the truth and just deal with whatever fallout occurs.

And be ready if you buy him another snake, you will then probably find the first one. I speak from experience on that one.

I hope that you are able to find him.



Neil

[frankykeno]

I do think you are all right in that we should be honest with Mikey. As I said I absolutely hate lying to any of the kids. Heck in our home lying is about the worst offense you can do really. Just being a mom my first instinct is to protect the littlest ones from hurt but Mike has felt all along we should be upfront with Mikey. We wanted to give it a week of solid searching and trying to "bait" her back out if she's hiding with live rodents in vented containers before we told Mikey what's happened.

[Mendel's Balls]

I also think you should probably tell him.

But you know your son better than all of us. However, Is option #2 even a viable option? How connected was he to this snake? Kids can be pretty observant, he might notice that the "replacement" snake is not the same in pattern, disposition, etc....then you might start a chain of little white lies and I think that will make you fill more guilty about your mistake in the end. Even one little innocent question from him may be enough for you to feel some guilt.

As other have said you could try to turn it into a learning experience.....but that's easier said than done with something this emotional.

Sooner or later though you will want your son to have some reponsibilty with the pets and you can use your mistake as an example of what can happen if your not careful.

Good luck and remember not to beat yourself up no matter what you decide.

[Sausage]

I'm so sorry about your loss. Don't give up hope! Keep looking for him! What you should do is explain what has happened to your son. If you do buy a similar snake, he won't understand death and loss any sooner. There's also a chance that he'd resent you even more if you told him when he's older. Just be honest with him. Good luck with finding Helori.

[frankykeno]

Good luck and remember not to beat yourself up no matter what you decide.

Thanks everyone for the support and the PM's that have been popping up (especially Adam and Chris...you are both such wonderful gentlemen). I am trying to not beat myself up over this but the fact is I am the responsible party, I know the risks with escapes with snakes, espeically young ones and I didn't take proper care and due diligence. As a snake keeper and a mom I feel just rotten about this but like our son, I will also try to see this as a learning experience.