chores and your kids

[recycling goddess]

well my son is grounded for a week and usually if they make a "real" effort i'm willing to let them off early but not this time. this is a constant battle and so "real" change is needed as well as "real" effort!

i've decided to make a list... of daily and weekly chores and they can mark them off. they can do them anytime, but they must be done before they go to play with their friends... so their choice. AND if they aren't done before bed... they have to stay up to do them! i'll go in and wake them up if needed for now on.

we don't give rewards or allowance for chores because then they just do them when they want money... besides, our home is like a community, everyone has to pitch in no matter what. i don't get paid for doing the dishes so why should he? (barbara colloruso stuff here)

i never had problems with my older daughter... she's 19 now and living on her own. she knew when chores needed to be done by and just did them... simple. but my son... he's such a challenge.

thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone... you really helped me lots!

[JLC]

i never had problems with my older daughter... she's 19 now and living on her own. she knew when chores needed to be done by and just did them... simple.

That's a RARE child you have there!!!

[recycling goddess]

well i have a feeling there's not a whole lot 'rare' about my son LOL

hahahahaha

and yes, everything about my eldest is unique. she's an amazing young woman... great ethics, beautiful personality, gorgeous, confident and strong... exactly the kind of daughter every woman dreams of having! i am VERY blessed!!!

[alexrls]

i also used to have chores but in the last few years (i'm 17) i havent had any official chores.along with this was a loss in offical allowance. basicly if i need money i can ask my parents and depeding on our monetary situation (and man does it go up and down) they'll either give generously or explain to me that were sorta strapped right now. i may not always be happy with it but it did make me go out and get a job. the trade off is that i have no official chores but if my mom (or dad) needs something i done, i do it. i dont think this system works for everyone and the only reason it works for me is becasue of my deep respect for my parents and their trust in me.

[frankykeno]

I love a lot of Barbara's thoughts too Aleesha. Pretty good stuff and very common sense approach to parenting.

As much as we try to raise our kids equal, the fact is they are all unique and having both male and female kids...that difference in sexes as well as personalities is very obvious. 12 year old boys, or rather young men, are just not a whole bag of fun honey....never have been...probably never will be. Course 14 year old young women will turn your hair grey! LOL

Good luck on the grounding. For me I was as much grounded as the kids ever were so I hated having to go there with them, then I'm stuck home enforcing their darn punishment LOL. Just set his chores, set a time limit and expectation and make sure he knows exactly what the consequence will be....after that it's his decision. One rule we do have here is if I have to go and do your chore because you didn't and it needed done, then you get stuck with one of mine and it won't be one of my easier ones

[aaajohnson]

Good luck with the grounding. We only do that if we REALLY need to get the point across. For not doing chores, we remove something that they enjoy. For my son it is the PS2, and for my duaghters its usually holding the snakes. If those things don't work, then they are grounded from playing with their friends. My oldest daughter Alyssa is 12 and she is usually the only one that pushes it that far.


Their chores are, dishes, cleaning up after the dogs, taking out trash, cleaning thier rooms, and helping clean the rest house. We are still working on getting them to do everything without being reminded. I like the chart idea, wemight ahve to try that one.

Neil

[cassandra]

Their chores are, dishes, cleaning up after the dogs, taking out trash, cleaning thier rooms, and helping clean the rest house. We are still working on getting them to do everything without being reminded. I like the chart idea, wemight ahve to try that one.

Neil, I'll come be your chore slave if I get to hold Spirit after I'm done.

[recycling goddess]

well at this time, these chores are something of great importance. with my back injury i can't do much of anything... and when it doesn't get done, i end up doing it (cause i can't stand it messy for too long) and then i'm back at the chiro for a $35 visit and more stressed out which causes me to have to go back to the chiro again for another $35 visit... it's a huge issue here right now... hence the grounding.

i barely ever ground... and when i do it's more of a 3 hour grounding (so a long time out really) and in that time they get to sit and think. and when they come to me saying they are truly sorry and why... and what they could do different in the situation etc... then they are free to go about their business again...

this is the third time, since i've been injured that we've had to ground him over this issue... which is why it's a longer grounding this time. he needs to know that a simple sorry and back to not doing anything again isn't going to cut it this time. his grounding is no tv or video games (except i give him one hour in the evening if he's done lots around the house for me during the day) and no playing with friends. so he can be outside, he came to a movie with me yesterday (cars) and he's had subway two days in a row... so it's not like i have him locked in a small dark room LOL eating scraps of bread hahahahaha it's really just a removal of some stuff to get him to understand the importance of helping out right now.

i was grounded a lot when i was a teen... it sucked so much. so i try to not do that with my kids... we do a lot of talking... which usually resolves the issue but this one seems to be reoccuring for some reason... so we need to get him into the headspace of helping so i can heal.

hopefully this is working...

and right now... my house is very clean LOL

i'm making the chart today!

[frankykeno]

In my next reincarnation I'm gonna raise poodles instead of kids!!!!

[recycling goddess]

na they are way too yappy... i'm going to raise something easier... like maybe crickets. cause when i get bored with them, i can just sell em off LOL or feed them to something... or stomp on them... or...

i'm saying all this staring at your little hamster with a gun jo... it's your fault it's turning violent! LOL