I totally went through what you did for a looooong time.

I had pet rats at the same time I had my first pair of BPs, and I just adored them. They are really great pets, and it's unfortunate that people miss out on what they have to offer. Because of this, I fed them both mice, and lots of em. With 2 pythons, spending the extra like $4 bucks a week to feed mice instead of rats was worth it.

But then more Bp's started crawling into my house somehow...? LOL, so it was time for rat feedings. The BPs I got that were like starved because people thought they ate a mouse once every 2 months readily took frozen, but a lot of them weren't feeling that whole dig. I knew what I had to do, so I kind of just did it. It was REALLY hard at first, because I wanted to play with them and I remembered my pet rats and how sweet they were.

It's been about 1/2 a year, and It's getting better. It helps not to look at the rat thinking "fido", or think about what's going to happen. Didn't anyone tell you that the less you think the better off you are?? No, really though, the less you look at them and think about how cute they are the better. MUCH better. The death squeal will always give a little jab to your heart though, but you numb to it some.

I think with some conditioning, your mind will settle. I hope all goes well!