Monday funnies =)

[cassandra]

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations. (USPO mainly)

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

[rabernet]

I've seen this before and it's just as funny now as the first time! The sad thing is - there always seems to be one person where you work who one or more of these would accurately describe! LOL

[JLC]

Hehehehe....very cool. 4, 10, 11, and 12 totally cracked me up!

[Damian7]

LOL I fell out of my chair after reading #25

[recycling goddess]

#12 and #30 had me

[frankykeno]

Mike read this thread at work and came home laughing...said I had to read it! What a hoot! Thanks Cass! We both needed the laugh.


~~Jo~~

[lars5277]

I actually keep a list of these for the "special" people I need to rate on. I have used #4 at least twice already. I am always on the look out for ways to tell it how it is in a tasteful manner. The sad part is most people who get a statement like that think its a good thing. I was kind enough to leave out the rat part.