This is a lot but please help

[HisslersMommy]

I never wanted a snake, but my boyfriend just brought him home about three weeks ago because he was being mistreated (they were keeping him in the garage and the nights are FREEZING cold sometimes and they couldn't remember the last time they fed him and they had stopped even holding him... he was like stored away with the boxes or something) so of course I'm the one who has to take care of him. He's an adolescent I guess, and I just want to make sure that his behavior and looks are normal because I haven't found the time to take him to the vet yet. First, I made him a pretty house in one of those glass fish thingys, and half has that wood stuff and two hides and a heating rock and a heating pad on the side that turn on at night and some greenery. The other side has sand and a water dish and a tall ceramic palm tree (I thought I'd spoil him with a beach). I don't know if the sand is safe, i haven't heard anyone else say they have sand. But he only goes over there to climb the tree and try to escape at night which I think is cute. Over the tank, I have a light that simulates sunlight but doesn't emit much heat, and then a heat lamp over the side with the hides. They both turrn off at night when the rock and heating pad turn on. O and then I mist his tank twice a day and him about once a week with this humidity mist thats like moisturizing or something. I have a thermometer and these things pretty much keep the temps as they should be, but is that the right way? Second, even though I pick him up every day, sometimes twice a day, unless he ate then not for two days, every time Hissler will grab onto something so I can't take him out unless I get him quickly. Sometimes, he'll chill on my hand and let me talk to him and rub him, sometimes he even lets me rub his head and he'll lay with me on the bed and watch tv. But sometimes, he freaks out, chokes my hand, and makes these weird robot motions and tries to crawl up the tank to get back i and when I try to put him back he won't let me grab him; he'll wrap around something. It's like sometimes he's like 'oh ok its my mom' but others hes like 'who is this pyscho ***** she's gonna try and kill me'. Ok and then I have never seen him **** or shed, I have NO idea how often they're supposed to do that??? I tried to give him a bath in the sink but he FREAKED OUT and tried to go in the toaster. A good thing is that he is a great eater, I put him in a cardboard box and drop in a warm fuzzy poor little dead mouse thing and I don't even have to make it look alive he just eats it. The first time I fed him I didn't know it was supposed to be one a week and I fed him another one like ten minutes after he got the first one down and he ate that good too. He didn't even puke or anything. But what I'm really concerned about is that his eyes are pitch black and I keep reading that they should be clear... I wouldn't be surprised if he had sheds on him or something cuz the other people were neglectful but I moisturize him and even when I put him in the sink I didn't see any loose skin or anything so how can I tell??? And I can't imagine HOW I would touch his eyes with tape to see if he has sheds there cuz he'd get really pissed off and if he bit me so would I. Oh and people always talk about how their snakes like to explore their tanks and move around and do things, well Hissler NEVER does anything except either sleep in his logs or sleep on the rock or next to the heating pad or under his plant... I never see him take a bath or drink or look around or play or show any interest in anyone who looks into his tank. Pretty much even though I call him a 'he' I think he's a girl cuz he has PMS bad. Is sleeping a symptom of snake depression or something? Ok well I think that's about it... someone help cuz I want Hissler to be happy even though I didn't mean to get him.