Poor ol' man. Sounds like he's getting a bit senile. Kitty Alzheimer's? Is he losing weight at all? What kind of food is he eating? Our cat Lacey, who died at the ripe old age of 22, was very particular about her canned food. She never got senile though. If he's losing weight, you could always get some Hills a/d from the vet. It's a high calorie, very dense food.

I don't know about getting a sedative or something from the vet. I wouldn't want my cat doped up for the rest of his life. And declawing just hurts, doesn't matter what age. It's just not nice. Try having the ends of your toes cut off and then have to walk on them. Owie.

I would just talk to the vet and explain the situation, and see what he can offer you. It may be a sedative, it may be a supplement for his food, it may just be having to distract him while people are eating(ie: hiding treats so he will have something to do). Hope you get it figured out. I really don't want your kids getting hurt either. Cat scratches hurt