I actually just went through a bit of a runaround with a dealer somewhat near to me that was kind of similar. Thankfully, we had actually gotten both products, a custom incubator and rack. I also had good word of mouth and had seen the products in a local shop that dealt with them and also at a reptile show. Now that I just finished business on these items (and unexpectedly ended up with a few extra snakes as well....) he's talking about getting out of the business because of the personal issues catching up.
I think we all remember how long the crazy lead times got for one of the other big makers at the beginning of the pandemic too....
Sometimes poopy things happen. We don't know it all...
The downside on your end is just the last minute changes. that sounds really fishy to me. If the mother is that unwell, a message earlier in the week when you know you need to skip out on a show as well would be nice. I hope there aren't others waiting to pick up from shows like you.
I would definitely look into using the refund card. Even with the policy, explaining how this isn't an issue of you wanting the product, but them not delivering the product may hopefully get something done. Did he reaffirm the refund was only for the 85% AFTER he sells it? I'm hoping you can get the 100% back but using a payment method like that is difficult. It's part of why I will never accept or pay via paypal friends and family.
Basically my thoughts are an echo of Malums I guess.