Exactly what I was thinking. I bred parakeets for a long time. Parrots are vicious when in season to breed. I got very attached to my breeder birds. When one would pass I would grieve like this. Also bred leopard geckos with the same feelings. I know the risks, I get what you are saying whole heartedly. I loved the process, I loved how interesting it is to see animals come out of eggs and it really gave me something to look forward too. It enriched a good part of me. That is why I was going to get back into it. My Dad got a couple colonies of leopard geckos started and his corn snakes. I decided on ball pythons because we never bred snakes and I just think they are beautiful. I grew up with snakes. My Dad always had some kind of species of snake. I have to admit, I was always kind of afraid of them. No in a phobia way, I just didn't like to pick them up. Since getting the latest batch of snakes (we haven't had any in awhile). I got over that fear and I really grew to be comfortable with them. This little snake helped me with that. Maybe that's why this hurts so much as well. Anyways, thank you all for listening to me ramble. It is my way of working through this I guess.