Fiancee is Not the Biggest Fan of Reptiles

[dakski]

Yeah, it's been said, but the key points for me are:

1. Love and respect. That goes both ways. If she, ultimately isn't comfortable with the reptiles, don't push the issue. Respect her feelings. However, she should understand that they are important to you and let you have that.

2. Try to educate her and see if she comes around.

I love my reptiles, while my wife Katie, is a "like" the reptiles kind of woman, when she's in a "reptile mood." Otherwise, it's kind of "Eh." However, as with other hobbies I have that we do not share at all (cars, motorcycles, collecting and aging cigars, collecting whiskey, etc.), she supports me and encourages me to follow my passions. I do the same for her (writing, art, volunteering, etc.). We share many things, but it's vital to respect and encourage what makes us individually happy as well.

I've tried to get Katie more open to the reptiles. I took her to a show and she came home with Ezzy, our Leachie. Ezzy quickly became my responsibility and although she is more an "our" than a "mine," she's really part of my collection and I care for her.

I realized, if Katie wants to, she will be more involved, but the more I push - if I choose to go that route (which I am not) - she will just become resentful and less interested. That what be disrespectful of me to push. She's made clear how she feels about them, which is that they are fine and she's glad they make me happy. However, she really doesn't want too much to do with them. I've come to terms with the fact that this is mostly my hobby.

On the flip side, my female BI, Behira, who is and will ultimately be our largest snake, nailed me when young in a food response. I've hook trained her and there have been zero issues since (2 1/2 years later). However, it spooked Katie, especially after we visited a friend who has a reptile store and she saw how big Behira will get (at the time I got bit, Behira was under 500G, now she's pushing 2KG). She floated the idea of maybe finding a new home for her. We talked about it and ultimately Katie said it was my decision and she would never make me get rid of one of my animals. She trusts me, loves me, and respects my judgement. She and Behira are now "kind of" buddies and all is well in that regard.

However, the point is, love and respect goes both ways. I don't push the reptiles on her, and she doesn't dictate my collection to me or take away from my enjoyment of my reptiles. The one exception is that we both decided on a space and time limit and we are both happy where the collection is now (at 12 animals). I think Katie is more interested in a smaller collection than I am emotionally, but we have come to a logical conclusion together. I ask her to help me stay in line, as I could potentially grab more reptiles than I could care for without her help with balance.

Anyway, I went on here, but it's important that there be reciprocity in relationships, especially with significant others.

Good luck and keep us posted.