Well, it looks like I'll be even more absent then usually.
My mom had a stroke. I can only now talk about this, even though it happened 3 weeks ago. The only reason I even talk about it is that she is doing exceptionally well.
My mother lives overseas in Germany, where I am from. And she was just visiting here (like she does every year) with my brother, only a few months ago. When I got that phone call, I can't even describe. I felt 10 years old again and absolutely unable to go on without my mother. I lost my father in my early twenties. It doesn't matter how old you get, loosing a parent, or both, still makes you feel like a boat afloat on the ocean.
It doesn't help that I'm far away from home, no way to get there fast.
My brother and sister kept me up to date the whole time, I even got to talk to my mom that very day, and they sent videos. She is doing well, she was even then. Speaks normally and only a slight stiffness in left arm/hand and left leg. She can move them, but lost some of the fine motor skills. Doctors said she should recover completely. They (and her) told me NOT to come since visitors were only allowed once the day and only 15 minutes. Only one person. I would have hardly got to see her. She was moved into rehab and did great. Walks without a walker now (carefully) and is even back to knitting. Today she is going home, to stay with my sister for a few weeks before going back to her condo.
I was promised I would get a call immediately if things get worse, but to wait until I can spend a lot of time with my mom, when she is back home.
I kept getting updates, and during those I felt great, but as soon as I hung up the phone my brain would go into overdrive. Imagining things, worrying about every little thing, if she sounded tired, "different" and so on and so forth. So for now its planned that I go in October, since my sister has a vacation planned and it would give me time alone with mom and able to help out when needed. Of course if anything is amiss , I will go immediately.
When I'm stressed I shut down. I don't want to talk to anyone, or even be around anyone. I withdraw. So that's what I did. I am slowly feeling better about everything and less on edge, I stopped waiting for "the other shoe to drop" at any second and I'm back to sleeping better.
Ax01, thank you for your support and your crazy idea of turning me into a mod, but I don't feel I'm here consistently enough to really help out the mods and admin. They need people that can commit more time. But I do appreciate it
So, I'll be back popping in here and there, but probably not as much as I'd like to. I often leave the computer on and myself logged in when I leave the house, so I can remember to check in when I get back.
Thank you to all that remember me , "I'll be back" !!!!! (in my best German accent voice...)
Originally Posted by zina10
Well, it looks like I'll be even more absent then usually.
Reply With Quote