A break up over husbandry issues ??

[Dianne]

I briefly mentioned this in another thread, but thought it was worth sharing here. Before I met my other half, I was dating a guy that gave me the ultimatum of “the snakes or me”. I’d been keeping snakes for about 4 years at that point, and had 4 snakes (2 Bci, 1 bp, and 1 rescue juvenile burm that I was fostering). I was also in the process of getting a divorce and just getting back into the dating scene. It wasn’t even a question, it was the snakes I chose...much to his surprise. My decision was two-fold, number one was that these were my pets that I was very attached to (two of which I still have). However the second reason was equally important, his ultimatum was a control measure...if I do this thing, then I earn his ‘love’. I was young at the time (24), but luckily recognized the move for what it was...and that if I gave in on this there would be other changes I’d have to make down the road. I was fortunate that he pulled this stunt early on and in such a blatant way.

Now all this said, people get angry and tempers can flare. I’ve said things in anger that I regret, and had others say things to me in anger. It isn’t that you can’t get past those comments and still make things work, but you do have to weigh the whole. I am always an advocate for everyone to take time to look at the big picture. Is the person respectful of you, do they value your opinion, do they treat you well, are you an important part of their life? If any of those answers are no...or you have to justify the way someone treats you...then you need to step back and really look at that relationship. By the same token, can they answer yes to all those questions about your behavior to them? So often we stay in unhealthy or unhappy relationships, but we all deserve better than the status quo.