What is your dream snake and why?

[Bogertophis]

Dream snake.

1. Poops on the paper.
2. Doesn't paint with its poop.
3. Doesn't poop in its bowl.
4. Eats on cue.
5. And finally, holds my pants up when I can't find a belt.

You need a Trans Pecos rat snake! Seriously, all the above applies, well, depending on your waist size (& I'm not askin') 'cause they don't get real big. But yeah,
I had one that remembered & loved to thread herself thru my belt loops and all of them easily can handle items #1-#4. They learn their way around so it wouldn't take much to "teach belt loops" to most of them, but Reilly picked it up all on her own, lol.