Update on my boyfriend's father

[ballpythonluvr]

Well, we just found out last night that my boyfriend's father needs triple bypass surgery on his heart or he could die. The poor man is scared to death of dying on the operating table and today is his birthday so all he really wants to do is come home and not have the surgery. I had to talk to him last night to convince him that NEEDS to have the surgery. He is 68 years old today and is not very happy. All he talks about is it being his life and his choice to not have the surgery. It took a long conversation to tell him otherwise. I am not 100% convinced that he will actually go through with it.

We are pretty scared too about the prospect of complications and of him not making it through the surgery. This is so hard to deal with right now. I just can't believe how stubborn this older man is. We love him dearly but as he stated, it is his life and we can't force him to have the surgery if he chooses not to. It's just the aspect that he could die without having the surgery and he just does not seem to care at all. We are really going to need more prayers and positive vibes to get through this.

[Sirensong26]

Done and done. Keep us posted

[kitedemon]

Major surgery is a terrible thing to contemplate. It is scary and hard to get your had around how such a thing progresses. Everyone deals with such things differently and doctors because of how modern society works must discuss the worst case scenarios that makes things even more terrifying. My wife has had a two heart valve replacements and had a third one (mechanical valve failed) done. (two valves two surgery) It is beyond description. There is nothing I could say to describe how terrifying this is. I completely understand why your father in law (ok not quite but...) is afraid. Anyone would be, the question is the result of not doing the operation is also quite scary. My uncle about the same age had a major stroke 7 years ago. It has left him with little hand control (he cannot write) no speech, little ability to walk, and he needs to eat pureed food and have 'thickened' drinks. My wife also has had a major stroke and have reduced mobility and and mother control.

Speaking for myself only!

The most terrifying thing I can think of is being in my uncles shoes, not really mobile, not able to communicate, not able to eat solid food, and being fully aware of everything around him. I cannot imagine how mortifying it is to be out with your nephew, not have control of your bowels and have to be cleaned up by him. I have looked into his eyes and I absolutely know the depths of that soul destroying moment.

It is a terrible moment you are in. There is no good answer or better option, nothing to minimize the impact. It is a an life altering moment. At the end of the day it is his decision. From the depths of my soul I wish this was not happening to your family. My thoughts are with you, I hope for things to brighten.

Alex.

[Miranda2]

Please let him know he will be just fine. They do bypass surgery everyday now.My hubby had a quadruple bypass almost ten years ago. He is going strong. In fact he just had a nuclear stress test last week and still has great blood flow.
Its tough for a few weeks after the surgery though. They cant raise their hands or arms and cant drive and will need help.
My advice is for him to use that pillow they give them if he needs to cough. Also he really needs to do the breathing exercises and stick with therapy for awhile. Also be aware if he is a smoker he will be going through nicotene withdrawel while at the hospital so dont be afraid to ask for antidepressant or anti anxiety drugs. I know some of these stubborn old men think thats a bad thing but its really not and only temporary.
It is his choice, I hope he makes the right one for him. Good luck and Good thoughts.

[wilomn]

Whatever his reasons, they're his. If he's too scared, doesn't care, simply doesn't want to do it, if his mind is sound, it's his decision.

If you were to somehow force him to do this and there were consequences of a terminal nature or even worse a vegetative state, and it was not his wish to have had this surgery, what then? A life for you and your boyfriend of bitter regret and remorse?

Cowardice, fear, pride, what have you, is what you want the best thing for him?

We all move on eventually. Whether it's this day or the next that final day is coming no matter what we do to stall it.

Hope for the best, plan for he worst. Your god, they say, has a plan. My understanding is that he isn't much for sharing what that plan is. So, hope and pray, support him as best you can, but, well, it's his life no matter the quality or quantity remaining.

[ballpythonluvr]

Whatever his reasons, they're his. If he's too scared, doesn't care, simply doesn't want to do it, if his mind is sound, it's his decision.

If you were to somehow force him to do this and there were consequences of a terminal nature or even worse a vegetative state, and it was not his wish to have had this surgery, what then? A life for you and your boyfriend of bitter regret and remorse?

Cowardice, fear, pride, what have you, is what you want the best thing for him?

We all move on eventually. Whether it's this day or the next that final day is coming no matter what we do to stall it.

Hope for the best, plan for he worst. Your god, they say, has a plan. My understanding is that he isn't much for sharing what that plan is. So, hope and pray, support him as best you can, but, well, it's his life no matter the quality or quantity remaining.

Thanks Wes. We are hoping for the best. That is all we can do. You are correct, we can't force him to do anything. He is just so damn stubborn. Initially all we want is what is best for him. You are a good man and I can always count on you for the best advice. I appreciate your wisdom and have the utmost respect for you.

[blue roses]

My mom had a quadruple by pass at 76 years old, and came through like a champ, she is now 93 and is still going strong. My mother-in-law just had a triple, last year at 80, and is doing great.

I know there is an element of fear, I know cause i had 2 stints put in and that was scary, so i can imagine the fear in this surgery. Just keep telling him of all the great results and the improved quality of life, and then let him make up his own mind.

Prayers to you all