Welcoming new guys on the forum ....

[Zincubus]

Hey .. I'm getting the distinct feeling of "unwelcomeness" in this forum for some reason ... Something I've NEVER come across in all my years of frequenting forums .

I've had a few 'biting' comments thrown my way since I ventured in here a few weeks ago and I really don't understand what the issue is .... I've admitted MANY times in here that I'm not an expert on anything but I have had many years of successful snake keeping .... I currently own 17 snakes of different types and in all my time I've never had a snake die on me . I had one with an RI many years ago and was lucky enough to be able to cure it myself by nebulising F10 for a couple of weeks.

Any advice I have suggested / posted has either been from my experiences or my friends .

Just think you need to cut the new guys a bit of slack .... I' m a real nice guy

Currently have .

1 Snow Boa - 7' adult - the featured Snow Boa in John Berry's Designer Boa Morphs .
1 Dwarf Hypo Burmese Python
2 HC Albino Royal Pythons ( unrelated pair )
1 Pastel Royal Python
1 Rhino- nosed rat snake
1 Red Mountain Bamboo rat snake.
I Imperial Pueblan Hybrid ( King x Milk)
1 Amel Stripe aduit Corn snake
1 Banded Cali King
1 Albino Striped Cali King
1 Desert King
4 Garter snakes ( I Melanistic 'Black' and 3 Albino Chequered Garters)


I have Aspergers ( form of autism ) and have worked in education for 19 years helping autistic teenagers to survive the torture of secondary / high school .

I'm a real nice guy ..honestly !!

Please excuse my obsessiveness any poor spelling / grammar ....it comes with Aspergers , sadly .

[Sonny1318]

Welcome, I've had similar feelings. So I just sat back and watched. Seems like there is a changing of the guard going on here right now. This is the first form I've ever really checked out. It's been entertaining to say the least.

[Skiploder]

Hey .. I'm getting the distinct feeling of "unwelcomeness" in this forum for some reason ... Something I've NEVER come across in all my years of frequenting forums .

I've had a few 'biting' comments thrown my way since I ventured in here a few weeks ago and I really don't understand what the issue is .... I've admitted MANY times in here that I'm not an expert on anything but I have had many years of successful snake keeping .... I currently own 17 snakes of different types and in all my time I've never had a snake die on me . I had one with an RI many years ago and was lucky enough to be able to cure it myself by nebulising F10 for a couple of weeks.

Any advice I have suggested / posted has either been from my experiences or my friends .

Just think you need to cut the new guys a bit of slack .... I' m a real nice guy

Currently have .

1 Snow Boa - 7' adult - the featured Snow Boa in John Berry's Designer Boa Morphs .
1 Dwarf Hypo Burmese Python
2 HC Albino Royal Pythons ( unrelated pair )
1 Pastel Royal Python
1 Rhino- nosed rat snake
1 Red Mountain Bamboo rat snake.
I Imperial Pueblan Hybrid ( King x Milk)
1 Amel Stripe aduit Corn snake
1 Banded Cali King
1 Albino Striped Cali King
1 Desert King
4 Garter snakes ( I Melanistic 'Black' and 3 Albino Chequered Garters)


I have Aspergers ( form of autism ) and have worked in education for 19 years helping autistic teenagers to survive the torture of secondary / high school .

I'm a real nice guy ..honestly !!

Please excuse my obsessiveness any poor spelling / grammar ....it comes with Aspergers , sadly .

You sound like a nice guy.

Forums are funny things - you can have a long series of communication with someone without ever getting any clues about inflection and tone other than what you instinctively may perceive.

In others words, don't assume people are being either welcoming or unwelcoming. Many people write different than they talk and both emotion and tone are very hard to convey in writing (unless you are an expressive and talented writer).

There are a lot of warm-seeming people here who offer really crappy advice.

And there are a lot of crass and terse people that will bend over backwards to help someone out if asked.

[Zincubus]

Thanks ... I'll probably just lurk in the background now and offer a positive comment here and there on any snakes that take my fancy ..

[MarkS]

I think you're overthinking this. This is a forum for hobbyists not experts. Everybody has an opinion, many of them are strongly held, but very few of them are the one correct way for doing something. There are usually multiple paths to success though some paths lead to greater successes then others.

People who have had a success doing something a certain way will often advise others to follow their process, people who have had success doing the same thing using a different path will often give examples of their process and examples of their successes. Both may defend their process as being the 'correct' way even though both of them have been successful. This doesn't mean they are 'attacking' each other, it simply means that they are in disagreement.

I personally think that disagreement is a GOOD thing as long as it remains civil and free of threats. Differing opinions give the other people reading the posts options to try for themselves. People do not become good keepers by being led by the hand and told exactly what to do, people become good keepers by being given options to try for themselves so that they can discover what works best for them. Remember that this forum medium is not really a two way conversation. Even though there may only be a few people responding to a post, there may be many hundereds that are reading it.

My oldest son also has Aspergers, he often has trouble differentiating the difference between people disagreeing with him and people being mean to him. I'm not saying that this is your issue, but being confused by social cues is also something that comes with Aspergers.

[Zincubus]

I think you're overthinking this. This is a forum for hobbyists not experts. Everybody has an opinion, many of them are strongly held, but very few of them are the one correct way for doing something. There are usually multiple paths to success though some paths lead to greater successes then others.

People who have had a success doing something a certain way will often advise others to follow their process, people who have had success doing the same thing using a different path will often give examples of their process and examples of their successes. Both may defend their process as being the 'correct' way even though both of them have been successful. This doesn't mean they are 'attacking' each other, it simply means that they are in disagreement.

I personally think that disagreement is a GOOD thing as long as it remains civil and free of threats. Differing opinions give the other people reading the posts options to try for themselves. People do not become good keepers by being led by the hand and told exactly what to do, people become good keepers by being given options to try for themselves so that they can discover what works best for them. Remember that this forum medium is not really a two way conversation. Even though there may only be a few people responding to a post, there may be many hundereds that are reading it.

My oldest son also has Aspergers, he often has trouble differentiating the difference between people disagreeing with him and people being mean to him. I'm not saying that this is your issue, but being confused by social cues is also something that comes with Aspergers.

I'd agree with most of the above . It's really not a case of thinking people are being mean to me it's more a case of noticing that many members just don't seem to be very tolerant of others viewpoints and they seem kinda blinkered - as if their way is the only way and any other option is simply wrong or stupid and word their replies to that effect . I disagree with many things I've read but I'd never just write down that someone has been talking nonsense . I'd maybe offer an alternative option but add that it was simply my opinion .

Maybe it's just a cultural difference ?!

[MarkS]

Maybe it's just a cultural difference ?!

Personally I think it's more of an age difference. There are a lot of young people who frequent this forum and I think younger people tend to be more passionate about their viewpoints and will defend them more strongly.

[wilomn]

Personally I think it's more of an age difference. There are a lot of young people who frequent this forum and I think younger people tend to be more passionate about their viewpoints and will defend them more strongly.

Then there are some of us who, depending on mood, may take 4 or 400 words to convey the same information to you.

Thick skin, I highly recommend it.

[Lizardlicks]

Personally I think it's more of an age difference. There are a lot of young people who frequent this forum and I think younger people tend to be more passionate about their viewpoints and will defend them more strongly.

Possibly a little of both. In one of your (Zincubus') posts, you offered feeding advice, but the suggestions where not very applicable to things available in the US (chicks are not overly available here in general and would have been too big for the snake in question besides, and african soft furred rats, which you referred to as multies, and I don't think anyone new what the hell you were talking about, because that's a shortened version of a name they're called in the UK, so regional dialect PLUS slang equals ???huh??? Those would have been a better option, but can ALSO be hard to get a hold of in the US as some states have banned them outright.) In addition, you were very, erm, condescending, although perhaps without meaning to be, about referring to ball pythons and royal pythons being some how superior. I don't think you meant it like that, just as stating a personal preference, but other people were rightly at the very least amused by what looked like some sort of status claim on a regional dialect of all things, and responded flippantly as such.

Further, new members have yet to build any reputation, or establish a personality, and so their words will not be given the same weight as long term posters nor can they be filtered through a learned "this person likes to respond this way" type of trained processing. I've only been here about a month, and already I've seen at least 3 instances of new members who are also new pet owners trying to offer 'advice', get told their advice does not apply universally or would in fact be detrimental to a situation by a more experienced keeper, get angry/in an argument with the person, then abandon the site. If that's has happened so often in just the short amount of time I've been here, imagine how often it happens in a year. In three. In the ENTIRE TIME the site has been up and running. Now you can start to get the picture of why veterans tend to be a little dismissive, they're used to the pattern by now.

My best advice, sitting back and observing is a GOOD thing for new members, but especially when you know you're on the spectrum and are basically stepping into a completely different social sphere. The protocols you are used to may not apply, and an adjustment period of quiet observation and learning is highly recommended.

[Zincubus]

Possibly a little of both. In one of your (Zincubus') posts, you offered feeding advice, but the suggestions where not very applicable to things available in the US (chicks are not overly available here in general and would have been too big for the snake in question besides, and african soft furred rats, which you referred to as multies, and I don't think anyone new what the hell you were talking about, because that's a shortened version of a name they're called in the UK, so regional dialect PLUS slang equals ???huh??? Those would have been a better option, but can ALSO be hard to get a hold of in the US as some states have banned them outright.) In addition, you were very, erm, condescending, although perhaps without meaning to be, about referring to ball pythons and royal pythons being some how superior. I don't think you meant it like that, just as stating a personal preference, but other people were rightly at the very least amused by what looked like some sort of status claim on a regional dialect of all things, and responded flippantly as such.

Further, new members have yet to build any reputation, or establish a personality, and so their words will not be given the same weight as long term posters nor can they be filtered through a learned "this person likes to respond this way" type of trained processing. I've only been here about a month, and already I've seen at least 3 instances of new members who are also new pet owners trying to offer 'advice', get told their advice does not apply universally or would in fact be detrimental to a situation by a more experienced keeper, get angry/in an argument with the person, then abandon the site. If that's has happened so often in just the short amount of time I've been here, imagine how often it happens in a year. In three. In the ENTIRE TIME the site has been up and running. Now you can start to get the picture of why veterans tend to be a little dismissive, they're used to the pattern by now.

My best advice, sitting back and observing is a GOOD thing for new members, but especially when you know you're on the spectrum and are basically stepping into a completely different social sphere. The protocols you are used to may not apply, and an adjustment period of quiet observation and learning is highly recommended.

Marvellous post !
I wish I had the way with words you and the previous guys clearly have !

I'd agree with all of the above on reflection .

In my defence I had no idea that this was a USA forum I just assumed it was kinda multicultural .. As you said over here on the UK we call them Royals rarely Balls which is a kind of nickname .

I certainty wasn't aiming for condescending though so again you are correct .

As I said , I'll probably just lurk in the background