My hopes are dashed....

[kdreptiles]

For a long time, I was trying to decide whether I even wanted to continue living. I have such bad anxiety I can't drive, can't get a job. There have been a couple times in which I have had a lethal dose of pain medication in one hand and something to wash it all down with in the other, ready to end it all.
And, despite the few thousand dollars in debt I placed myself (which was incredible, given that I can't imagine spending $40 on anything much less $4000), I am now on my second semester of my first year in college. I am the first in my family to go to a four-year college and I have had a great time, it has given me some confidence to speak my mind and a will to live. As my grade point average was 3.6 last semester, I was able to apply for the best scholarships, I was able to apply for over twenty of them. I was hoping, praying, even (I am not religious) that I would be granted some additional scholarships so that I could live on campus this fall. It was my dream, and I have had very few of those in my life.
Alas, the award letters went out. I got $0 in scholarship awards. Even if I get a job right away (if anyone will even hire someone who can't make eye contact or form a proper sentence without stuttering and back-tracking) I still would not be able to afford the cost of living there for the 9-month school year, which is about $5,000 including housing, food, toiletries, etc. I am devastated. I am nearing the end of my spring break and now I don't even want to go back. My classes are located in the building next door to where I was dreaming I'd be living, and now it will just remind me of what I am obviously not good enough to get. I am out of options.

Sorry, there really is no point to this except to vent. Please, please, please, if anyone has children, even if you're pregnant, start saving now for their college. It really, really sucks, being alone in all this.