A Joke

[RetiredJedi]

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, Pastor, "why did you ask the two of us to come here?" The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I’d like to go.

[DooLittle]

Why don’t women fart? Because they don’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

Lol...

Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2

[RetiredJedi]

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,

"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

[RetiredJedi]

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees!' 'What powerful rivers!' 'What beautiful animals!' He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!' Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?' 'Am I to count you as a believer?' The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?' 'Very well', said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

[RetiredJedi]

At some point in a guy's life... it comes down to this:

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Bill's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Bill's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bill sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Crap Bill, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?

[DooLittle]

At some point in a guy's life... it comes down to this:

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Bill's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Bill's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bill sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Crap Bill, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?

Omg.

Lol...

Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2

[Mike41793]

At some point in a guy's life... it comes down to this:

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Bill's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Bill's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bill sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Crap Bill, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?

This is totally a Mike move lmao

[MasonC2K]

Never trust an atom.

They make up everything.

[3skulls]

What did the ghost say to the wall?
.
.
.
Hey, just passing through..

[I-KandyReptiles]

Mother in law rearranged is:
Woman hitler

LOL