some of you know, some of you don't...

[wilomn]

Anytime Luke. Attitude is, I think, paramount in these battles we have been forced into. A good death followed by a good life. No puling or bemoaning the facts, you and I, so I understand what you feel, must simply overcome or, should it come to that, simply not submit, give in or give up, the battle to keep on keeping on.

I suspect there are more physical ramifications with your heart than I have with my cancer (which as of last week was still in remission, but as they keep telling me, will probably be back sooner or later) but, in the end, neither of us can really count on a string of tomorrows. You, from what I gather, could cease ticking anytime and I could get that call telling me I need to decide on treatment, or not, again, after every blood test for the rest of whatever forever I have.

The thing is, and this is really true and so easy to overlook, we're lucky. I can work my butt off cleaning my rodents, and I've got more than most people will ever see much less have to clean up after, I can spend 45 minutes on the 'freeway' down here to go 5 miles,(it's not uncommon) I can, I can, I can...
Not only can I 'I can', but I GET to. So do you.

I GET to clean rat crap. I GET to sit in traffic. I GET to work with my snakes. I GET to do what I want to, even if it is shoveling :cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r:. I'm not tied to a 9-5 soul sucking job that makes me miserable to think about. I'm not worried about what my boss thinks or if my suit is new enough or if my shoes are shiny enough; no boss, no suit, no shiny shoes because I,I,I, don't like them.

It's not just me and you, or you and I Luke, who GET to, we've just had it thrust in our faces that we can do what we want, as responsible honourable men of course- no stepping to the dark side just because we don't have as many tickets as some of the kids do- for as long as we've got.

What I'm getting to, learning as I go and at arrival, as is usual, is that regrets and worrying and complaining are wastes of what may be a finite amount of time left to us, what is in fact finite, as it is for all, but for us that finite may be considerably shorter in duration. So, screw the negative, acknowledge and dismiss there's no point in an ulcer too, and do what makes you happy. Not succeeding is not failure, it's failure to try. I'd rather try and not succeed at something than fail by not attempting.

I ramble and fear that my clarity is not crystal, but I think you'll get it. I hope some others will too. We make choices. All of us, those with punched tickets and those whose tickets have yet to be issued, we all decide, with every action we take, whether we do what we want or not. Sometimes changing from doing/living/working things that do not make us happy but pay the rent or keep a relationship fumbling along or allow us to keep up a facade that in and of itself makes us unhappy, seems impossible. The choices, the sacrifices, the pain, the embarrassment, the friends (if they were friends to begin with you'd never have this thought) who will no longer be friends if we start, well, being more true, all of these fears make it terribly difficult to understand that what's really important is how you live each day, the consistency of your resolve to be a good person, to be a happy person, to know that if this is the last post you ever read, the last time you'll ever tie your shoes, the last time you'll talk to your Mom, that you were good with it, that you had peace because you GOT, whatever the stimulus, that it's NOT forever and we can choose to do, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, what we are told we must, what we are shoved into thinking we need by people whose sole motivation is to separate as much of our cash from us as possible and no matter how they sugar coat it that is ALL they want to do (clothes, make up, cars, scents, shoes, weight loss or gain, hair colour, all the crap that means NOTHING) or, not.

We can choose to do what we GET to do, what we have the OPTION of doing, knowing that it may be more costly physically, mentally and spiritually, than going 'along' and 'fitting in'. This, when the chips are down and I wonder just who the bloody hell decides these things, if there even IS a decider, is helpful to me.

I and you, we are not better than anyone, we just have the ability to REALLY see a point of view that is not available to most. If EndDay is tomorrow, what's really important today? That sort of sums it up. I think what's important today is what I do today. To be able to look at yesterday and say "I did well, might change a thing or two if I get the chance, but I'm good with it," to be able to look towards tomorrow, not worrying whether or not it will actually arrive, knowing that when I look back at today I'll be thinking, "I did well, might change a thing or two if I get the chance, but I'm good with it."

I GET to work, see my kids, drive in the worst traffic in America, write, talk, share. I GET to do a lot. I don't worry about what I DON'T get to do. I'd recommend you do the same, both the GETTING and the DON'TING.

The last two lines above pretty much sum up all the rest.