Life is short.

[Skiploder]

Most of you don't know i'm into martial arts. Jiu Jitsu mainly. I trained since i was young. Tonight some good friends were killed in a car accident. A drunk driver decided they shouldn't live anymore. He left an 8 year old boy parentless. I want to fight. i know its selfish but i want to hurt them.

last week I was told my heart is so bad that its like the heart of a 60 year old and I'm in danger of a stroke. Genetics are a B...ch. I want to live. I want his parents to live. I want to hurt the one who took them from him.

i ask "why?". i want to hurt someone. I want to make someone responsible and "pay". i want to not feel that way but i do. I wish I was the guy that offered hugs to the ones that hurt but I'm the one who offers pain. Right or wrong it's who I am. once upon a time i was a firefighter. volunteer. I held men, women and children as they took their last breaths. I dont want those memories but I have them. They are mine. my nature in these situations turned into a need for retribution. I want to just let it go but i cant. Again I want to fight.

I once cut a fallen tree off a house. A man was trapped underneath. I held him. All he said was "I'm sorry." over and over. he died in my arms. I kept cutting that tree till it was a pile of saw dust. Taking that tree away didnt take that experience away. This is YOUR life! DON'T act like it isn't yours!

If you have trained in martial arts, then you are well aware that the "martial" aspect is but one of many disciplines that are taught. Others are concentration, mental discipline and focus. Your urge to hurt something means that not only are you human, but that your mentors in the arts have not taught you how to focus anger, rage, impatience and other negative energies onto positive ones.

I will be the first to admit that I am unfamiliar with ju-jitsu. I am going to ASSUme that like any martial art, that mental discipline and emotional discipline are tenets. If they are not, I would strongly suggest you try your hand at a new martial discipline - one that does not put such a heavy focus into the martial aspect.

If you train in martial arts to become a better fighter, then you are putting a lot of work and energy into something that you may never use. In fact, most martial arts stress the avoidance of violence and teach you how to girder yourself emotionally and mentally against succumbing to violent urges - revenge being one of those urges.

If you truly train in martial arts and embrace the philosophy and tenets of them; then you get a lifetime of use out it.