What lizard for my wife?

[mainbutter]

Lizards as a rule require more effort and time than snakes. Small bearded dragons don't just need to be fed every couple of days, but for the youngest.. EVERY DAY, if not multiple times every day.

Most lizards are heavy insect eaters, and while there are great options that let you ignore crickets, you won't like them as much in general. With the exception of various "worms" (silkworms and hornworms tend to be my favorites, but expensive), various roaches are pretty much the best non-cricket staples for most insect eaters IMO.

I'm going to say that.. no, there is no lizard out there like you want, particularly when it comes to diet. There are a handful of species of lizard that might be happy to hang out on your lap/shoulder for a while, but even the number of species that are prone to that behavior is pretty thin, and the only ones I know of are definitely more complicated when it comes to diet.

Crested geckos have been mentioned. I do not consider them a species that would hang out in the manner your wife wants. They are handleable usually, but not all are. They are small, fast, agile, capable of jumping and scampering up 10ft high walls in seconds. If you get a flighty one, it's not exactly something you want to handle for long or take your eyes off for a second. For their size alone, an adult leachianus gecko might be more prone to that kind of handling, but I've never kept them and they tend to be expensive.. and not all are happy to be handled.

In addition, cresties should be fed way more than once a week. I give mine a fresh dish of their CGD powder mixed with water 3x a week and feed calcium dusted crickets once a week to adults. I used to feed roaches, but have since decided the roaches were more work than just buying some feeders at the store for my small number of geckos.

An option that is better than a baby bearded dragon would be an ADULT bearded dragon. You will still have to deal with insects (and no, feeding only mealworms is not a good idea), but there are options out there that let you ignore crickets.

Chameleons are about the worst option out there for your desires. They're pretty, but not handle-able regularly (though great to look at and have just hanging out visible in their cage next to your desk. Insects, particularly daily feedings for most species and individuals, are a staple of chameleon care. They are just very heavy in the husbandry requirements.

We haven't even gotten to the issue of water yet. All the rhacodactylus genus geckos require misting every day, if not twice a day, for good long term health. For my crested geckos and lone gargoyle gecko, I have them set up with an expensive MistKing misting system. Many other species (for example, all chameleons) also require this kind of daily misting. Terrestrial lizards do better with water via a dish than arboreal lizards.

From the sounds of things however, your wife doesn't want a lizard, she wants a snake with legs that might have more energy than a ball python. Two options to think about:

1) A small tortoise species. They are hard work and expensive to keep correctly relative to snakes, but being herbivorous is pretty cool. You get to feed them flowers, fruit, and all kinds of greens. We grew hibiscus flowers and had a garden to grow greens in our back yard to feed our tortoise years back. If you want something cute and fits your desired diet, but is a little heavy with husbandry and keeping costs, this might be a good option.

2) A more interesting snake species than a ball python. Green tree pythons are cool, but have their own keeping difficulties. Carpet pythons are AWESOME. Western Hognose snakes are hilarious and unique. All make better display animals than BPs and are handleable, have personality, and are easier in husbandry than your average lizard.