I feel EVERYthing you've written. About the only difference in my story is that I didn't really get heavy until I started college. But all throughout high school, I THOUGHT I was heavy. I've certainly proved out that false fantasy in the long life I've had since then. I'm heading into the late side of my 40's now...and losing weight is a lot harder than it used to be. Which means it's a lot easier to get discouraged along the way.

So, yeah...embrace this while you're young!! But no matter what age you are, the journey is not an "easy" one. If it were, we'd all be lean and fit.

I applaud your openness. It's not easy exposing such secrets to the light. I've shared a lot of my own weight loss journey here in the past, but there are still always dark corners that I've never shared with anyone.

Figuring out WHY we are compelled to binge, and/or eat in secret is probably the key to unwrapping those chains....otherwise, it's just us being disciplined for a few weeks or months, and then sliding back into those old chains we never really escaped from, and starting all over again. ...and again ....and again.

I don't have any answers, but every now and then I have a decent idea, a spark of wisdom, or a good recipe I'm happy to share. I'll follow your story for as long as you want to share it, and hopefully, sometime soon, I'll find that bloom of motivation again for myself.