Thanks everyone. I guess it didn't hurt as bad when I cut and burned because I was already so out of body and mentally in pain to notice. Now that I am happier and on correct medication the pain seems more real. It's not stopping me from going back for more though, I love piercings and now tattoos because of the pain. I love pain, not in a kinky sexual way, but in general. It lets me know I'm still alive and human. Well atleast that how I look at it.