My day to freak out...

[Mike41793]

Haha. Thanks Mike

I saved up for the Pied, so you can't get me with that one! Mwa haha. If the Pied were on my credit card, yeah, you'd have full reason to call me on it

As for charm, why... I've always got that going on

I have been looking at that aspect too, but there's not too much I spend on frivilous items lately. My hobbies are reptiles (which I'm at capacity, so there's no new additions coming). Costs me about $20 every 2 months to feed my crew. My other hobbies are art, and those supplies only run me about $20-30 every few months to stock back up on things I need. I did spend $75 to get the oil changed on my ATV, but considering I got the ATV for free from my uncle, I'd call that a pretty sweet deal.

The majority of our costs at home are coming from food costs lately, so that's what's making it harder to pinpoint.

Well then i really dont see a problem with it. Just ask him honestly. If he loves you he should want to help you. Its a relationship so you guys should wanna together and help eachother.

Guys are NOT detectives. We dont go looking for problems to solve lol. So you cant leave it up to him to figure out that youre feeling stressed out bc of the expenses. He honestly probably doesnt even know that youre feeling this way. If he did he probably already would have offered to help.

And yea good call, guess he cant say anything about the pied then if you saved up for it. If the charm is always on you gotta one up yourself with something even better

[jbean7916]

Household expenses should paid according to income. If he makes 20% more than you it should be split 70%-30%. That way is much more fair than a 50-50 split when there is a sizeable difference in income.

I saw my mother and stepfather have problems when they were splitting 50/50 because he made almost twice as much as her so after bills, her check was spent and she had to ask him for any spending money. Once they sat down and worked out a better payment plan, they have been much happier

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[4Ballz]

My wife and I do it this way.

1.) Split the mortgage
2.) when we had our son in daycare (she paid for that) now we will split the cost when both our kids are in daycare
3.) I pay for cable, hydro, water, cell, home phone, and internet. (which I have been paying for almost 8 years now)
4.) We cover groceries together when needed
5.) we buy our own gas, but are willing to cover whoever is short on funds
6.) I cover all the pet food and supplies

Just be open and honest, and if he needs to vent, just let him speak his mind and that goes for you too. Success in a relationship is listening.

[Vasiliki]

Well then i really dont see a problem with it. Just ask him honestly. If he loves you he should want to help you. Its a relationship so you guys should wanna together and help eachother.

Guys are NOT detectives. We dont go looking for problems to solve lol. So you cant leave it up to him to figure out that youre feeling stressed out bc of the expenses. He honestly probably doesnt even know that youre feeling this way. If he did he probably already would have offered to help.

And yea good call, guess he cant say anything about the pied then if you saved up for it. If the charm is always on you gotta one up yourself with something even better

This is very true, and we do have a great line of communication about many different things. It was something I was hoping to bring up, but it's the approach and how to go about finding a solution that was bothering me. It is something we're going to have to talk about, and I feel more comfortable, now that I've had feedback from other people in this situation.

Hahaha. Up the charm level, huh? Guess my little black dress could be taken out of the back of the closet. After all, I have been hitting the gym. Would be a shame not to flaunt it if you got it, right?

Household expenses should paid according to income. If he makes 20% more than you it should be split 70%-30%. That way is much more fair than a 50-50 split when there is a sizeable difference in income.

I saw my mother and stepfather have problems when they were splitting 50/50 because he made almost twice as much as her so after bills, her check was spent and she had to ask him for any spending money. Once they sat down and worked out a better payment plan, they have been much happier

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That is some very straightforward advice, which I appreciate. I can definitely see now why they say couples can have relationship problems that stem from finances. It wouldn't take much to make one person feel stressed out. Thank you. I'm glad to hear that your mom and stepfather figured out what works for them. That is very encouraging

My wife and I do it this way.

1.) Split the mortgage
2.) when we had our son in daycare (she paid for that) now we will split the cost when both our kids are in daycare
3.) I pay for cable, hydro, water, cell, home phone, and internet. (which I have been paying for almost 8 years now)
4.) We cover groceries together when needed
5.) we buy our own gas, but are willing to cover whoever is short on funds
6.) I cover all the pet food and supplies

Just be open and honest, and if he needs to vent, just let him speak his mind and that goes for you too. Success in a relationship is listening.

Hm. That actually sounds fairly reasonable. Equality in payments with the bigger stuff, but a little more balanced out with the smaller stuff when it comes to income. I actually feel quite comfortable about that kind of approach. As it is, we pay the same for rent and for utilities, but there are days I wish we had a different balance for, say, groceries. Putting our funds together and switching up the utilities might actually make groceries not seem so daunting. I like it. And it makes sense.

I really do love the feedback I've recieved here. This was something I wanted to approach my other half about, but wasn't quite sure what route to take. All these responses and tidbits have given me a much better understanding of what might work for us and what we can try. Feeling more comfortable about bringing it up, rather than just being like: "How we handle our money right now is stressing me out." Better to come into a discussion with solutions and ideas rather than just stating a problem.

You guys have some fantastic suggestions, and that little bit of encouragement helps too, haha.

[Rickys_Reptiles]

I got suckered into 100/0 split while my wife was finishing school.... then she left and took half, so I guess it was 150/0 split.

BACH!

Moral of the story.......compare yourself to me and you'll feel much better, lol

[chet1028]

You could approach it with him like this. "so, I'm kind of stressing out about finances after signing up for the personal training (give more detail like provided above). And then ask for his advice. I would guarantee that together you can come to a solution that lowers your stress level. Obstacles are lighter when they are supported by two sets of shoulders.

[Vasiliki]

Well that didn't go as well as I'd hoped

I think he was trying to come across as reassuring, but it just came across as bragging about how much he made compared to me, and how maybe my problem is how I'm managing my money. But... $1600 minus $575 for rent, $200 for utilities (including cell phone), $300 for car, $110 for insurance... I'm not sure what there is that I can improve or change in my costs from that. And that's not even touching groceries or gas yet

We'll have a better talk later, I'm sure. But that was disheartening. I'm hoping if we sit down and write out all the numbers, it'll give a better visual for what we can change and how we can work together a little better on some things.

[Mike41793]

Be thankful your car insurance is so low haha.

Thats too bad it didnt go as well as you wanted it to. Try again later and make sure he understands youre really stressed and worried about it.

[4Ballz]

making the relationship a competition is never a healthy relationship. I know I make double what my wife makes, but that doesn't give me the right to put her down. Same with your b/f. If he respected you, it shouldn't matter. You two are in this together. As long as you're not "living" off him, and by that I mean, you pay your bills, and whatever, but then go buy lots of things for yourself, using his money, then you don't have any problems. If you are paying your bills, and are low on funds for a few items which he covers, then he should support you. I've paid thousands for my wife for the taxes she has owed, do I expect it back? no.



Question: How long have you two been together, and do you have any bad habits (smoking, drinking, street drugs)?

[4Ballz]

I only ask about the smoking and drinking, as my wife was the smoker and i was the drinker. She has stopped smoking, coming to 8 years in Nov, and my drinking has been cut down to 80% (which is a lot).