My day to freak out...

[Vasiliki]

Normally I'm the one that's always trying to give support and advice to people that are struggling with debt issues. But today I think it's my turn.

I hired a personal trainer recently for a course with them. 36 sessions, so nothing super long term. I am treating it like an 'educational course', because she is showing me tons of different things to use in the gym and apply in my life. I told her I can only afford these sessions, so she's giving me a super rounded plan, and free nutritional counselling. She's fantastic, and I wish I could train with her long term. But she understands and has been super supportive.

But the downside is that these sessions have eaten my 'cushion' that I normally have in my bank account. I'm not used to hitting the last $100 in my bank account. I'm normally used to seeing a few hundred, then I pay down my debts or put it into my TSA. Today, however, I looked and realized I had only a few dollars left in my account after bills. Turns out my insurance company (I recently switched) screwed up and charged me WAY too much (It looks like 6 months worth, instead of monthly like I had signed up for). Thankfully, I have my TSA and line of credit, so I have flexibility until it gets resolved.

Despite that, I did several calculations and realized that I am still going to be tight after my sessions are done. And I'm trying not to drag my other half into this discussion, but I'm feeling somewhat frustrated lately. He makes double, almost triple, what I do, and I find that we are splitting our costs 50/50.... But that's starting to put me into a bind, because our costs went up, his pay went up, and mine went down (I recently switched jobs to something more longterm and stable). So part of me is frustrated because I make less now, part of me is jealous because he makes more, and part of me doesn't know how to not come across like a nag when I have to bring up the fact that we just CAN'T do 50/50 until I'm back to making what I used to make.

So overall, I'm just feeling frustrated. My other half is very understanding, so I'm sure he won't hesitate to switch it more to a 60/40 kind of split, but part of me feels guilty to even ask.

Rock and a hard place. Just needed to get it off my chest somewhere slightly 'annonymous'. Not something I want to bring up to my close friends or family, because it's not something I want to really share with them.

[chet1028]

Hang in there. You seem like you have a good grasp on everything and will be fine. I hope that you get to a point where you feel you can discuss this with your partner. My wife and I have always considered our incomes and expenses as combined. I have always made more than her but it doesn't matter. We put the income together and pay the bills. We rarely fight over money issues. Communication is vital to a strong relationship. Good luck.

[Vasiliki]

Hang in there. You seem like you have a good grasp on everything and will be fine. I hope that you get to a point where you feel you can discuss this with your partner. My wife and I have always considered our incomes and expenses as combined. I have always made more than her but it doesn't matter. We put the income together and pay the bills. We rarely fight over money issues. Communication is vital to a strong relationship. Good luck.

Some days I have a better grasp than others, haha.

That's great to hear about you and your wife, and I'm really reassured to hear that you have a perspective from the other side. As someone who makes less in a relationship, it's difficult to ask someone else for money, you know? I know I make less, and I know he makes more because he has a very stressful job. He always tells me that he works hard for 'us', but it still doesn't stop that moment of worry where it's like: "Am I asking for too much?" It's a silly thought, I know. But the last thing I want to come across like is a gold digger, or some girl looking for a sugar daddy

Do you two have a shared bank account, or an account where you can both have access to each bank account?

It's a topic I've been toying with lately, if it might make things easier.

But I know that we both like to have some 'fun money' for ourselves, so I'm not sure quite how to go about it

Our relationship has reached a point where that type of discussion wouldn't be a surprise. Dating for over two and a half years, living together for quite some time and talking about getting engaged/married and long-term plans. If that helps shine some light on our position

[Pyrate81]

It's good to let things out when needed.
Sometimes it is easier to talk to "strangers" about personal issues cause you feel they won't judge you.

Unsolicited advice: Be honest with yourself and your other half or you will be unhappy about it later.

(hugs)



-Yar

[Mike41793]

Depends on how close you are to your bf and how developed your relationship is. You seem pretty close so i think he'd be ok but at the same time he could say "Well maybe you shouldnt have just spent all that money on that pied Danielle". Or something similar to that lol. Get a few drinks in him then bring it up, you know work the charm

Also maybe try and cut out things you dont need to save money.

[4Ballz]

Hi, thanks for sharing your frustrations.

I totally understand, as I just checked my bank account, and had to pay part of my mortgage and I'm on paternal leave. My wife is working, and I took the 9 months with our 2nd child, as a work opening came up for my wife (after she did her 4 month maternal leave). The job fell through, and she was lucky enough to get her other job back. She also got a new position and a raise.

Usually I'm the "bread winner" and my pays are usually double, or almost triple hers. I have no problem doing 60/40 or even 70/30, why? Cause we are married and I love her. Whatever it takes to get us through whatever financial problems we have. I actually have to call for my TFSA and take out more money to cover, as EI payments are less than half of what I could make. Even at the full 60%.

Do your training, and don't feel guilty about doing it. Health is very important, and money comes and goes. You've already paid, but you need to focus on becoming the healthy person you are striving for. If you need money, kijiji stuff that really doesn't have any effect in your life. Sell Sell Sell. I've been selling rats on the side for extra cash, and personal items to cover any other areas.

He loves you, and wants the best for both of you. You'll get through this

[chet1028]

Yes. We have a shared bank account. We just never really look at it as my money vs her money. Whatever is in the bank is what we have to spend. Neither of us are big spenders so it is really never an issue. The funny money hasn't been an issue either because she waitresses so she always has some tip money to blow. And I work in sales and get small gift cards and Amex checks periodically which I use as my funny money. My thought is that I never wanted money to be an issue so I wanted to remove the concept of mine vs hers. We both work hard to provide for each other and our kids. Who makes more money is never a topic of consideration or conflict. We also have a rule that any purchase over $100 needs to be discussed. It's not as if we need the other persons permission, we just want to make sure that priorities are paid before other things. I would bet that your BF has the same perspective that I do and he would feel bad that you are unnecessarily stressing about this on your own. That's what a partnership is. When you need help, comfort or just someone to listen you owe it to your BF to let him be there for you.

[Vasiliki]

Depends on how close you are to your bf and how developed your relationship is. You seem pretty close so i think he'd be ok but at the same time he could say "Well maybe you shouldnt have just spent all that money on that pied Danielle". Or something similar to that lol. Get a few drinks in him then bring it up, you know work the charm

Also maybe try and cut out things you dont need to save money.

Haha. Thanks Mike

I saved up for the Pied, so you can't get me with that one! Mwa haha. If the Pied were on my credit card, yeah, you'd have full reason to call me on it

As for charm, why... I've always got that going on

I have been looking at that aspect too, but there's not too much I spend on frivilous items lately. My hobbies are reptiles (which I'm at capacity, so there's no new additions coming). Costs me about $20 every 2 months to feed my crew. My other hobbies are art, and those supplies only run me about $20-30 every few months to stock back up on things I need. I did spend $75 to get the oil changed on my ATV, but considering I got the ATV for free from my uncle, I'd call that a pretty sweet deal.

The majority of our costs at home are coming from food costs lately, so that's what's making it harder to pinpoint.

[Kaorte]

Don't feel guilty about asking for help! We all need a little helping hand sometimes. If he is understanding like you say, I'm sure he wouldn't mind spotting you for a little while until your finances are a little more stable.

I know the feeling though.. I make next to nothing and it's hard to make ends meet. Hopefully with my new job I will be able to save up some money finally.

[Vasiliki]

4Ballz: Thank you so much for your perspective. I can’t tell you what it means that I’m getting to hear stories from the other side of the fence. You’re giving me lots to think about, and feeling more comfortable about my position in our relationship. When I do think about it, I have never once hesitated to help my boyfriend out if he needed money. Such as if his debit card wasn’t working or something happened with getting his paycheck from work. So it’s only logical that if I feel that way, you’re right… He’s probably just as willing as I have been in the past when it came to financial stuff.

Chet1028: That is something that’s very valuable, and I can see how the ‘our’ money would work. I admit, I’ve been burned in the past from an ex when it came to a shared bank account, so part of me was hesitant about it. Back then, I made more than him, and our bank account was constantly getting close to 0. When I sat down and did the calculations one day, I realized he was spending 80% of the income on things for himself. When we finally did break up, he took everything from my bank account. Naturally, the man I’m with now is nothing like that scumbag, so I’m not worried about it happening again. But part of me still associates the idea of a shared account to something that’s negative or something to be afraid of. But your point of view makes more sense, and makes me want to try something new. Maybe it will actually help my anxiety on the topic of finances, or at least allow me to relax and rely on my other half a little bit more.

Honestly… I can’t thank you guys enough for taking a moment to post here. It’s been more of a help than I can really say, actually.