Thank you all for your support, I love you guys. I don't think I'm so bad that I need professional help. Most days are fine, I feel good and I'm happy. But there are days that I get so down that I feel like I just can't take it anymore. It's not so much that I want to die as I would like to stop living for a while. I think that it is like this with a lot of the people who have these thoughts and that if there was an alternative to death that was less than permanent many would take it. Even when I feel so down that I would love to just end it, I know in my heart that I can't and won't do it. I think about what that would do to my family and friends, and that special someone who would miss out on knowing me. I think about the many, many years ahead of me and all that I hope to accomplish in that time. I think about all the lives that I haven't yet touched and how I could change the world if I just put my mind to work and how none of this can happen if I'm six feet under. Still, those thoughts are still there and God knows how impulsive I can be. I think that half of my depression is caused by family, friends, and school and the other half of it has and is caused by relationships and girls. The other day my sister, her boyfriend and I were going to see his parents in Knoxville. We stopped at a gas station and there was a really pretty girl there and Michael was all "Why don't you stop staring and go talk to her?" and wouldn't leave me alone about it until we left. Well I spent the whole day way down in the dumps thinking about what a coward I am etc etc etc... And I don't care if that sounds stupid. I've tried and tried, and when I actually talk to girls it's all fine and dandy and I realize that they are just people etc. But 99.99999% of the time, even though I know they're just people and it's not that bad etc I still psyche myself out thinking well screw that it's pointless for (insert various reasons...) Which is depressing but it's something that I just cannot get past and won't do anything about it..which is also depressing. That probably sounds stupid too but whatever it's how I feel.