I think you are not far from being wrong on the starvation analogy.
I have adopted two rescues, and both were very aggressive and voracious feeders until they finally learned they would get the food they needed and that gorging wasn't necessary.
I am completely convinced that both of them would have eaten until they burst themselves if I had let them. And yes, the fire female would strike the tub repeatedly any time anything came near it, even a full day after she had eaten a large meal. It took several months for her to calm down, but eventually she became so comfortable with regular feeding, she even went on a little feeding strike for me to let me know she was aware it was breeding season.
Get his husbandry as spot on as you can, and just keep feeding him regularly and he'll come around. It will probably take a long time, but he'll settle down eventually. If you read the caresheets here, there are lots of ideas and help for people with tanks.
Gale
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