Tough decisions..

[lk_holla]

I need some advice and/or consolation... Sorry it's kinda lengthy

I started a vigorous graduate program that pretty much prevents me from getting a job (even part time... I would need a one day a week job). So I've been on my parents ticket since my saved money is drying up. My parents have been hassling me about selling one of my snakes (i still manage to pay for them myself, but they want to stop paying for other stuff). My boyfriend knows how much they mean to me and how important the hobby is for me and he always offers to pay for their care.

Were not married, nor do we live together (thought I'd like to think that's in the near future), so it makes me uncomfortable to let him pay for my pets like that.
I don't want to sell either of my snakes, but if I were to pick one to sell it would be the spider since I refuse to let go of Constantine.

To me, she is the most stunning looking spider, the only one I have ever loved appearance wise, and I'm wowed every time I look at her. But looking is all I can do. Despite a lot of effort trying to tame her down, she is extremely nippy, nervous, and frankly she's just not any fun. I feel like she would make gorgeous babies if I could breed her, but that's so far down the road (if it's even down the road considering I've got a lot of school and fund less years left to go). If I don't know if I will be able to breed or ever get a male, is she worth keeping?

Like I said, I love her and it would break my heart to sell her, and I'm worried that losing her would put a damper on my ambitions in the hobby. But I also need the money. I could always let my boyfriend take the financial obligations, but I'll feel guilty at the same time.

Any advice? Thanks in advance and Sorry its kinda a rant/whine/mopey post.

[adamsky27]

Personally I'd hold on to her. I don't think that you'd get much for her these days, not enough to justify selling at least. Last I checked they were only going for a couple hundred bucks. Take the help from your BF, I'm sure that he doesn't mind helping at all. I wouldn't mind helping my GF in a time of need like that.

Good luck in whatever decision you make!

[JLC]

Awww...sounds like a really tough situation to be in. Such things are temporary, but when in the midst of them, they don't feel that way...and sometimes temporary or not, we still have to make very tough decisions.

I can't tell you what to do, but maybe a couple of questions might help you come up with a more comfortable compromise.

Could your spider go to live with your boyfriend and be "his" snake for awhile? That way you don't feel like he's supporting "your" pets...and the snake is out of your parent's bubble and no longer their concern.

And if your boyfriend isn't a viable alternative (no shame in that...I can think of all sorts of valid reasons why he might not be)....do you have any friends or associates who are into snakes that might consider fostering your spider for you until you get your financial legs back under you again?

Of course, selling the snake for money is an option...and money is always welcomed in tight times. But that becomes a permanent fix for a very temporary gain. (The snake is gone forever, and the money you get from it only lasts for a short time)

I guess one more alternative would be to SELL the snake to your boyfriend or another friend...with the option to buy it back at a specific point in the future when you're finished with school and have your own job again. I know several people that I would make a deal like that for in a heartbeat ...to buy their animal and help them out of a financial bind...and making sure they have the option to retrieve the beloved pet at some point in the future.

I can understand your parent's point of view. When money gets that tight, grown ups have to make grown up sacrifices. Pets are luxuries.

Good luck!!

[snakesRkewl]

I agree, a few hundred bucks won't solve your problems, allow him to help, that's what love is all about.
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[wolfy-hound]

Depending on how big she is, it could be more than a couple hundred dollars.

Could you sell her at a decent price to a breeder and arrange to get offspring at a later date? That way by the time you are done with college, you would be getting offspring from her.

Or arrange for a semi-permenent breeding loan with a trustworthy breeder? That way she would go to their house, be used in breeding projects, you'd be gaining funds from some of the offspring(according to what arrangement you make with the breeder), and at a later date, you could possibly get her back or get offspring back. Just make sure it's in writing what the end arrangement is, and make it a yearly renewable contract, so if at some point you decide you want her back, you can do so without any hard feelings. A breeder size female could produce some killer combos, and if the breeder sells the babies for you, all you'd have to do is gain some funds, no fuss-no muss. With the breeder doing all the upkeep, you probably wouldn't get 50/50 splits, but anything is still more than nothing and better than selling her cheap now for no future return.

And it's true, as we become grown-ups, we often have to make undesirable decisions. I hope you can find the best solution so you can still keep on with the college and your parents will be happier since they're having to pay out now.

[Jessica Loesch]

I agree, let him help . . . there is nothing better than being able to help someone out and you shouldn't feel guilty as it will make him feel good about himself too

[TheSnakeEye]

Keep it, you will regret letting her go afterward, regardless of how mean she is. If he offered, take him up on it. Lol I wish my gf would do that.

[lk_holla]

Thanks for the advice yall... Lol I think you guys are the only ones that understand at all.

As far as selling or relinquishing her to my boyfriend, it's not much of an option since he thinks snakes are weird and he keeps the pet ratties. And she's still a juvie so I dunno how apt a breeder (which I don't really know of many locally/personally) would be for a snakie homestay. Nor do I have any friends that either tolerate snakes/ are competent enough to keep an animal lol.

I know I can count on my boyfriend to spot me for a while with them, but it doesn't make me feel any better since I'm kind of a "neither a borrower nor a lender be" type of person. It's just depressing that I've always been able to take care of my animals myself with extra for emergencies, and now I can't. But this opens up a whole new realm of grievances that I'll spare you guys lol.

For the record, I'm done with my undergrad and I'm currently working on a masters degree while applying for med school, just to give you an idea of how far the rabbit hole goes with my rough times ahead. Lol sorry for all the negative Nancy today, I think it's because it's the first overcast day in weeks here.

[blushingball419]

Sorry to hear about your situation Financial troubles are never fun. I can sympathize a lot since I've never exactly had a ton of money myself and my mom is always bugging me to get rid of as many of my snakes as possible. She thinks they create too much of a hassle (plus she thinks I have "too many" ), and sometimes they do, but to me the hassle is worth it.

Like others have pointed out, you would get a little money from selling her, but if you really like her (as far as color and pattern anyway) then I would say just keep her. If you don't think you'll ever get around to breeding or ever be able to afford it though, then maybe it would be best to sell her. It is a tough decision and sorry if I'm not helping at all haha, but I guess it all depends on your plans for the future.

I hope you get it all figured out. It's hard feeling indebted to someone, but really a few mice/rats here and there isn't all that much, and it's great that he's offering Hang in there, believe me, I know how stressful it is having friends or family pressuring you to get rid of your animals... but it ultimately all comes down to you and what you feel is right.