Horrible House Guest

[Jay_Bunny]

My husband and I are moving out in August. We got approved for an apartment and we can't wait! My mother in law is planning on moving a month after we leave and invited her cousin to come up and stay with us (without asking us if that was okay first). Her cousin is supposed to help her pack and clean the townhouse until they both move out and get a two bedroom together.

Now, first night this lady arrives, I had fallen asleep on the couch. My husband and I had packed all of our DVDs into a box (in alphabetical order ) near the tv and I wake up (I have to be up at 5am by the way) around 1 or 2 am to the sounds of them talking. This woman starts going through my DVDs, taking some out to watch. I was trying not to let it bother me but within the next week after her arrival, she had just disrupted everything. It just felt like this place has been invaded. She complains, she expects people to do things for her, she freaks out over little things.

For example, just a few days ago, I had only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep and had to work really early in the morning. I get home, and I'm dead tired. My friend had invited me over to her house to watch some t.v and just chill out. She was going to pick me up but I didn't know when. So I walk into my house to change my clothes and eat and I barely walked into the living room and she's there on the couch, watching t.v. She looks up at me and asks "Are you tired?" I answer honestly "Yes." She then asks "Well can you take me up to the store?" I was like "Um no. My friend is coming to pick me up and I need to be here when she gets here. I don't know when she'll be here." So then she gets an attitude because I won't be her little taxi driver. Oh and did I mention the only reason she wanted to go to the store was to get a single can of redbull. So I tell her the nearest store is about a 15 min walk up the street.

She's been trying to get my husband to leave me. Yep, you heard that right. She sat there and told my husband that I'm taking advantage of him because I only work part time (I work 25-30 hours a week) and when I get home I don't do housework. (This really hit home because last year my husband almost did leave me because of how controlling I was in the relationship. After many talks, self therapy, and a lot of prayer, I am not longer the controlling ***** I used to be. My husband and I have worked things out and are stronger than ever) Um, I am pretty much the only person that takes care of the animals in this house. I care for over 20 snakes, 1 bird, 1 gecko, 4 cats, 1 dog, 3 ferrets, 1 rat, and two fish tanks. Aaaaand, I also do dishes, vacuum, do the laundry, I've been going through clothes and packing things for our move. She was also watching a movie with my husband and made a comment that really bothered my husband. He's mixed and while they were watching a movie with a mixed actor she says "You know I used to think this actor was sexy. Then I found out he's part black. No offense to you, but after I found that out, he's just not sexy anymore." Now I can understand not finding a certain race attractive, but to say you thought someone was sexy and then take it back just because you find out they are of a race you don't find attractive, is just pure stupidity.

Yesterday this woman blew up in my face. I got up and started some laundry around 9am. Went downstairs and got on the computer. A little while later she comes stomping down the stairs to get a ladder. She starts chucking things around on the deck, cussing. When she brings the ladder inside I ask her what its for. She starts cussing me out and telling me I'm the only person making her unhappy and I'm the one that gave her a migraine and I need to shut the **** up and leave her the **** alone. Needless to say, I was in tears after she stomped up the stairs. I have done NOTHING to this woman to deserve this kind of treatment.

And now according to my husband, she left a list of things she wants done around the house (like she owns it! ). I told him. No. There are 4 people living in this house. Currently only 3 pay rent. I've been living in this house for 2 years and while yes, it is a little cluttered (you try fitting 2 townhouses worth of stuff into a townhouse where a pack rat already lives. You will have clutter) I will decide when and how it gets organized and packed up.

Oh and to top it off, she has told me (yes told me. Not asked politely, but pretty much demanded) that I need to thaw my rodents out somewhere else because the sight is disgusting to her and she doesn't want to see it anymore. I have ALWAYS thawed my rodents in the same spot. On top of the freezer I keep them in. It is in a corner out of sight. You actually have to go over to the freezer to see them. Apparently she can't stand the sight of them. I refuse to move my thawing spot though. She's just going to have to deal with it.

Sorry for the long rant on this woman. I just have never ever ever had so much dislike for a person. I just don't know what to do. My husband is in the boat with me. He was willing to pack a night bag and have the two of us stay with my best friend for a few days just to get away from her. We only have a month to go till we move, but I just don't know how we are going to survive a whole month when we've barely survived a few weeks.

Any advice?

((Oh and his mother won't confront her cousin because both her and my husband are very nonconfrontational people. They WILL NOT confront someone about something unless they start it first))

[Kinra]

Honestly, I would sit down with her and your husband and kindly explain why she is making you miserable. If that doesn't work, if you can get your husband to agree, give her an ultimatum: "Stop doing this, this and this or you need to find somewhere else to stay." She doesn't own the place, she is an uninvited guest and you are not her servant.

I'm usually the type of person who will let people walk all over me, but I don't think I could handle her for long without saying something.

I hope you can work things out, a month is a long time to deal with that.

[mainbutter]

Tell her to shape up or ship out. Seriously. If her name is not on the lease where you guys are living, kick her out. Call your landlord.

[Jay_Bunny]

Well the thing is, my mother in law is the one that invited her. My mother in law is technically the person renting the townhouse and we rent two rooms from her. (So we are not on the lease either but the landlord knows we are here)

She is not the kind of person you can sit down and talk with. I believe that my mother in law did have a sit down chat with her, which then led to said cousin making the list of things she wants done around the house.

Oh something else she did. The first week she was here, we had a family dinner at Olive Garden. Everything was peachy until she began talking with my sister in law about why she doesn't want to have kids. My sister in law and her husband have made the decision for their lives that they do not want kids....ever! We all respect their decision and we don't bring it up. This woman sits there at the table, in public, and starts grilling her about why she's not having kids and its natural to want kids. Why doesn't she want kids? Oh she will someday. You'll see. You are going to want kids. Its not natural not to want kids. I politely told her it was not good dinner conversation and she shut up. But my sister in law was really ticked about it.

Thankfully she is out of the house for now. I have the place to myself. I'm getting some snakes cleaned, planning out who's eating tomorrow. Might get some new pics of my leo. If this woman comes home and ruins my day by telling me to do things around the house, I think I might just explode.

[Kinra]

In that case, I say you play dirty and do things that will annoy her. If she doesn't like your snakes, try to have them out as much as possible. She doesn't like the sight of f/t rats, I say you move them some where more visible, I mean she did ask you to move them and all.

I'm sure this will just make things worse, but it might momentarily make you happy.

[Jay_Bunny]

Yea, but I'm one of those "Try to be the better person" kind of people. I dunno. I think the best option is just to shut my mouth and hope she shuts yours. She hasn't said a thing to me for well over 24 hours. Its been wonderful. If only we could move sooner!

[Trogdorpheus]

I'm definitely not one of those "be the better person" people... I'd drop a couple frozen rats in her bed... or at least start thawing them on the table. Next time she griped to me about getting something done I'd either completely ignore her, tell her to piss off, or maybe ask why she's freeloading off of her cousin, you and your husband.

Don't get me wrong now, I'm not a mean person, I just don't handle people giving me crap very well...

[Quacking-Terror]

We've got a house guest that has irritated me a number of times, but is honestly nowhere near that bad. The only advice I can offer is to try to talk to her yourself, explaining why you are upset. Maybe it will help long-term, and maybe it will only help for a few days, but at least you've taken the high road and attempted to air your concerns in a mature, respectful manner.

I've done this, and it has for the most part works. My friend and I still have our blow-up "Piss off" matches, but mostly, we are okay I hope you can work things out!

[Teacher's Pet]

Honestly, I would sit down with her and your husband and kindly explain why she is making you miserable. If that doesn't work, if you can get your husband to agree, give her an ultimatum: "Stop doing this, this and this or you need to find somewhere else to stay." She doesn't own the place, she is an uninvited guest and you are not her servant.

I'm usually the type of person who will let people walk all over me, but I don't think I could handle her for long without saying something.

I hope you can work things out, a month is a long time to deal with that.

^
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I could have written that post above! You are going through a trial, that's for sure. I would make a list of things that are non-negotiable and present it to her in writing, maybe leave it on her bed. I'd write a note like, "I know you and I are both getting under each other's skin. I don't intend to move or change my life to meet your needs. However, I do need you to respect the way we've lived for two years. Namely:
1. Do not use my belongings. Believe it or not, they are organized in a way that I need them in order to pack...

Hats off for your desire to be a better person than she. Just remember, you already are and you don't have to be a doormat to prove it!

[Jay_Bunny]

Hmm, I like the note idea. Even if she doesn't read it or rolls her eyes at it, at least I tried. I'll work on that tonight.

Thanks everyone.